AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

I interpret it differently and it makes me not quite believe it.
It’s fine that you believe it all.

It's not about anyone's personal belief, it's about the meaning of the words OP wrote. She said in the initial paragraph that DS wanted to be free to come and go as he pleases. That encompasses multiple meanings that don't include simply not being arsed.

This would be no less true if OP had made it all up. If it's a lie, it's a consistent one!

I think it heavily implies he can’t be arsed.

But you clearly think this is an issue. It doesn’t matter if the only reason he said no was that he couldn’t be arsed. He said no; she should not have mentioned it again.

You don’t have to give any kind of justification to people who are asking favours.

Well, that’s because she asked if we thought it was unreasonable.
If she hadn’t posted to ask, I wouldn’t have an opinion.

Just because you use polite sentences doesn't mean you're actually being polite. You're calling the son out on 😱 wanting to live his own life the way he wants to live it 😱. That's not polite in the slightest. It is his life and he can live it the way he wants to live it. That's not an unacceptable thing to do, for anyone ever, we all only have one life.

The son has taken annual leave from work for the sole purposes of chilling with his mates and girlfriend and, when the weather is right, the lot of them have plans to go off camping. The fact they haven't set a firm date for the camping doesn't magically make the son available for two weeks of cat sitting. That would be incompatible with just leaving town suddenly to go camping when he and his friends are ready. So he declined to take on something that he knows he can't commit to and doesn't want to do anyway. He doesn't owe her his help just because she doesn't want to pay for professional services, so he's in no way letting her down or being unneighbourly.

On top of that, the neighbour has been rude to both OP and her son in refusing to take no for an answer and has also been rude about son's friend who offered his services. She's insulted the son with a lowball offer of payment, twice. She has been manipulative, trying to guilt trip OP to take responsibility for sorting her lack of planning out and trying to hound OP into pressuring her son. Consistent rudeness, consistent bad attitude. That alone is enough reason not to help someone. If you can't see that, it says something about the type of person you are.

I’m not “calling him out”

I’m saying I don’t quite believe the change in OP’s story.

The question wasn't "are we being unreasonable to refuse to help" it was "to think my neighbour's cat care problem is not mine". The OP was asking if after telling the neighbour that neither she nor her son could feed the cat and passing on her pet sitters number if she was unreasonable to feel she'd done her part and it was incumbent on her neighbour to solve her own cat problem.

I think you find that couldn’t means couldn’t.

Then you are troll hunting and that's against forum rules. If you think she's trolling you report the post, if you want.

I don’t think she’s a troll.
I just don’t believe the change in reasoning.

This was 'means' a few minutes ago! But either way, it doesn't. Because wanting to be free to come and go as you please can mean you want to be able to make plans that conflict with a commitment to be at home. That's one of the possible meanings of what was said.

Which means that when OP gave further information about the plans he wanted to make, she was developing the same story, not changing it. Whether or not the story happens to be true!

Your opinion is based on your misinterpretation of what the OP has said. She explained very clearly that he had plans, none of which were set in stone, and that he didn’t want to take on any responsibilities that would mean he couldn’t then come and go as he pleased and would miss out on his loose plans.

I don’t understand why so many posters on this thread have read that the OP and her son are both planning on spending time away from home and still think that they should agree to take on caring responsibilities for someone else’s animal.

That’s your interpretation and your opinion.
And it’s fantastic that you able to express it freely on a page dedicated to getting differing opinions.

Again, so what?

There has been no change in reasoning. Just further details.

If you don't believe her that's equivalent to calling her a liar. Which isn't polite. It's akin to troll hunting.

Why are you even on the thread if you didn't believe OP? One reason and one reason only, to stir up shit and post nasty comments under the guise of "politeness". You could have thought to yourself that you don't believe it and clicked off the thread, but you didn't.

If they are both away, I believe she would have stated that in the opening post and not later after receiving negative feedback.

I’m saying I don’t believe the change in reasoning. Not that she should look after the cat even if she’s away.

Because she asked for opinions and AIBU is for getting different opinions isn’t it?
Or have I misinterpreted that?

I suggest everyone doesn't further feed the troll that is on the thread, since they're probably getting off on the attention.

No one is obliged to help a neighbour just because they are a neighbour. No justification needed. The neighbour is a CF of the highest order and your latest update about her fibbing to the elderly other neighbours to get them to agree to help is appalling.

I was once told:

“Then you are troll hunting and that's against forum rules. If you think she's trolling you report the post, if you want.”

No, it's a fact. I'm not in charge of the English language

To be clear, do you think that 'wants to be free to come and go as he pleases' can't mean wanting to be available for fun plans that might come up? Because that's the only way for this to be a different story.

Are you always this pedantic and fixated on minutiae of language?

Life must be quite hard if so.

There are a lot of idiots in the world who think "can't" and "won't" are interchangeable words and that nobody is ever allowed to say/do "won't" anyway.

There's no point engaging with people like that. They're not normal, they're control freaks who thinks everyone has to provide a justification that they agree with in order to be allowed to not do something, as if people aren't in charge of their own lives.

You know that saying about playing chess with a pigeon? That.

Anyway, I think we've found the neighbour 😆