AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

It isn't.
Do not engage further

YANBU. I would just ignore now.

She sounds rude and entitled. I’d have pointed out to her that it was her choice to have a cat and therefore her responsibility. Maybe she needs to just have one weeks holiday instead of 2?

She can put it in a cattery. Not your problem. You’ll definitely get people on here saying you should be kind and do the neighbourly thing but the neighbour should have thought of these problems beforehand.

Personally I would look after the cat for the first week. Cats are generally easy and it would help your neighbour. My neighbour feeds my cats outside when we go away and we always bring her a gift to say thank you. You may need a favour some day and I’m sure she would help you out if you do her a favour.

I mean it isn't your problem - and she could have been more polite - but could you just feed the cat for her for a week? It's 10 mins twice a day and it's right next door. We've often fed neighbours' cats and they've fed ours and it's a quick job. It would really help her and you might want to ask her a favour one day.

Agree this isn’t a big ask of a neighbour and I’d say yes to help her out. I actually think this attitude of “not my problem” is pretty sad.

You obviously don't have to help her out, but it's surprising to me that you and your son won't even help for a week.

When she asked your son to look after the cat, did she offer to pay him for his time? Your son might consider it if she pays him the same rate as what she would pay her cat sitter.

I don't think you're being unreasonable since you're under no obligation to help. But you'd be helping out a neighbour whose help you might need one day, so for the sake of good relations I'd probably do it. It's not like looking after a dog, it's literally just popping round twice a day for a few minutes each time.

Another batshit cat owner. So many threads on them at the moment.

Thing is, it is a short job twice a day, but not everyone will be at home at the right times to do it.

Totally understand why your son doesn't want to do it post a levels. I imagine he wants to come and go as he pleases.

I think you're perfectly fine to leave it now. You did the neighbourly thing in trying to find a replacement last minute.

It's definitely not your problem, you've tried to help her out and it's up to her now.

“it’s just 10 mins every day”
Yeah if you’re just feeding it. What about the litter tray? Just going to leave it stinking for 2 weeks?

I think it’s really sad that you don’t want to help a neighbour out. It’s one cat, right next door. 10 minutes a day max. I’d be disappointed if my child said no and would offer myself.

I think this attitude if “ not my problem” is far more common these days and it’s quite sad.

It’s not your problem as such but whats wrong with showing an act of kindness for your immediate next door neighbour?
One day you might need a favour too.

I’d feed the cat for a week until the cat sitter can take over.

Of course you don't have to, but she's desperate and it would be very little trouble for you. I agree her attitude is annoying though.

It won’t just be feeding the cat, it will be emptying the litter tray, washing the bowls and keeping it company for a bit too. Also, if you do it once, she’ll likely ask you again. Neither yourself or your son want to so don’t engage with her anymore. She’s making her problem your problem, which it isn’t.

Normally I'd agree that it isn't your problem (and it isn't) but this is not a huge thing and tbh you and your DS sound selfish. Having good relationships with neighbours is the kind of thing that you never know when it might come in handy. What if you need a favour one day? She could quite reasonably say 'No, not my problem'. Going in a couple of times a day to put some food out, top up the water and do the litter tray really isn't a big ask. I'm not a people pleaser at all and have no problem saying 'No', but in this case I'd say 'Yes', because it's the decent thing to do and I value being on good terms with my neighbours.

Ah I hadn't thought about the litter tray, had assumed it had a cat flap and went outside. Although one of the cats we feed has a litter tray and it still doesn't take very long.

I can understand the son not wanting to be tied to it (though as someone suggested he might if he gets paid?) but if you're up and about for work etc anyway it's not usually a major undertaking. You don't have to feed them at a precise time either.

I mean you don't have to OP but it's not really a big job and I feel bad for her with the cat sitter dropping out.

Plus you get to stroke a cat (appreciate this is less of a perk if you don't like cats).

But ultimately you don't have to of course.

It isn’t your problem. But I’d do it in the spirit of being neighbourly. Cats are very self sufficient and will just need feeding a couple of times a day, it’s not a big deal. You never know when you might need a favour from her.

That’s a her problem not a you problem. You’ve given her a suggestion I’d ignore her now!

As a cat owner, I think it's shitty of the neighbour to assume that a teenager should do it, it's quite patronising to assume he should be given chores because he's younger- he's on holiday! I would do this myself for a neighbour but I think it's actually easier to fit it around my working day then to have that committment while I was off, where I'd want the freedom to make plans that might include being away from home. Though given the neighbours attitude im not sure I'd volunteer at this point!

So far this week alone we have a op is told they should walk a neighbours dog now now they have to feed someone's cat what next pay a neighbours rent for them? Pay for a nanny?

It is the cat owners problem

I agree completely. I can’t imagine not helping out a neighbour in these circumstances if there was any way I could do so.

I’d have no problem nipping in twice a day to chuck down some food and refresh the water providing it has a cat flap.

But it is a her problem surely she has friends or family who could pop in.