AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

Agreed!
The son didn’t want to. Now he can’t.

Perhaps when people post on here we should just treat their post as real and not ask for justification.

If OP had mentioned her and her son were going to be away in the first post, she wouldn’t have received any “just do it” messages.

It was only after getting some negative feedback that she decided to share this information, which is suspicious, and it’s perfectly reasonable to point that out.

When posting people generally try to keep it quite compact for ease, especially if it involves complications. Then they are accused of drip feed. Most of the posters who said to do it hadn’t even read all of the OP’s posts. I think we have to take people at their word.

At least one person has suggested she reschedule the trip to look after the cat, so that's quite an optimistic claim.

This isn’t a drip feed.
It’s a completely different story.

That's just wrong.

The original post set out that OP and DS both couldn't do it and that the neighbour had been told this. It also said that DS wanted to be able to come and go as he pleased.

Later posts have set out why OP can't do it and why DS wants to be able to come and go. They contain more information, but none of it is a different story.

She said he didn’t “want to”

“but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable”

Read the first paragraph and note the final word.

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

And the reason he couldn't do it was because he wanted to be free to come and go as he liked. We later learned that this was to go camping. That's not a new story, it's further information added to and entirely consistent with the first parapraph OP wrote.

So the fuck what?

You remind me of someone I know. The important point can be wooshing around like a tornado, blowing cows about and he would be banging on about how it was rain and not the wind that started it.

He “couldn’t” because he didn’t want to.

Yes. As I said previously, this changed, when OP had a bit of negative feedback, to him suddenly having commitments, not him just wanting to come and go as he wished.

I think it is you who is missing the point.

Yes, that's correct. He couldn't because he didn't want to and this was spelled out clearly in the first post. This means that the additional posts explaining why he didn't want to are the same story, and not a change.

Can I politely ask why you feel the need to be so aggressive, insulting and rude?

I haven’t been anything but polite. Do you feel like I’m attacking you? Or do you just lose your tempter when people won’t agree with you?

It was a change to “he can’t because he has commitments” from “he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to help or have the responsibility” and I think it’s perfectly reasonable for people to point that out or question it.

OP didn’t have to provide a reason at all, it doesn’t matter why he couldn’t do it. He said no; that’s it.

It wasn't. There is nothing about his commitments in the first post. The OP said from the very start that he can't do it because he doesn't want to, because he wants to be free to come and go as he pleases.

The worst you can say about OPs posts is they're a drip feed.

You may not think so, but others do, because the question was “Are we being unreasonable to refuse to help?” And people need to know why you “can’t” help to determine if you’re being unreasonable.

It’s perfectly normal.

I can’t tell if you’re still trying to disagree with me. That’s literally exactly what I said.

It isn't. You said it isn't a drip feed, which is the opposite of me saying it is, and that it was a completely different story, which is the opposite of me saying it isn't.

OP being away this week is consistent with her saying in the first post that she couldn't do it. It's the same story. Explaining the reasons DS wants to keep himself free is also the same story.

It's worth pointing out that this thread has now rumbled on since Friday morning, and begins by describing events from Thursday evening. There's no inconsistency between a person having said on Thursday evening that they can't commit to something in the next fortnight because they want to be free to make plans, and having then made a firm plan. Especially if those plans are weather forecast related!

Blimey.
ok

I think it is a complete change to say “I can’t because I have commitments” from “I can’t because I can’t be bothered” (basically)

You think it’s a development.

It’s just a difference of opinion.

I agree with posters who point out the inconsistency and I can see why they don’t believe her.

If I asked my friend “Could you pick me up on the way” and she said “No. I don’t want to”, I would think that was completely different to “No. I’m coming from work so the opposite side of town”. You would think it the same or a slight development. It’s fine. We just don’t agree.

And isn’t it the whole point of posting on here? To get different opinions?

The thing is, when you say DS initially said he couldn't do it because he essentially couldn't be bothered, that's you having your own facts rather than a different opinion. Because wanting to be free to come and go doesn't mean not doing it because you can't be bothered.

She said he didn’t want to because he wanted to come and go as he pleases. Which means he didn’t want the responsibility… which means he just couldn’t be bothered (in my opinion)

Which would be fine.

Again, it doesn't mean couldn't be bothered and that's own fact rather than own opinion territory. Wanting to be free to come and go as you please could be for lots of reasons. Like, say, camping.