AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

I can.

I think she was rude and that naturally put your back up. Would you normally offer? I would do if for a neighbour, presuming a. it's a standard cat feeding job and not giving medication, letting it in and out etc and b. you are not already overloading with daily responsibilities of your own. I can understand sometimes you just can't face yet another task.

Yeah but I’d explain why I couldn’t and be apologetic.

I’ve not seen why you couldn’t but it doesn’t sound like you explained it to her. Which is your prerogative it’s just a bit ….well…. not very community minded / nice / neighbourly. Etc

But you do you.

At first I thought you're being unreasonable but having read further on, well, it is what it is.

Fwiw, I wouldn't want someone who I had to beg to help out. In the sense of, they clearly would only be agreeing under pressure and won't care to ensure things are done right/give their best to making sure the cat is well looked after. I'd only ever trust someone who I knew actually wanted to do it and would give their full attention to my pet. Your teenager likely wouldn't notice, for example, if the cat was looking stressed with the heat or illness, if he was doing it reluctantly.

She could just ask on Facebook if anyones teens would like to do it. I wouldn't class it as a hugely risky thing but where I live, everyone knows/knows of eachother. But that's not on you to sort so, she's gonna have to reach further afield and stop hoping yous will be browbeaten into it. Hopefully she won't pull one of my sisters tricks and just post her key through your door after being told repeatedly no 😬

Yeah but I’d explain why I couldn’t and be apologetic.

Which would be fairly useless to CF cat owner. OP did better than you would have done - she contacted her pet sitter and found cover for neighbour's second week.

Yes but I don't think it's a big deal. You don't do it with your bare hands.

OP's son's friend offered to do it for £15 a day. She said no. She can't be that desperate.

I think I might have said I can do X dates when I'm not away if you like, so you'd just need to find a sitter for the others. My neighbours would do this for me.

She does sound very entitled though which will inevitably make you more inclined to say no. But I also think you're blowing it a bit out of proportion with the brushing, finding it etc. It's a cat, either shut it in when you give it its evening meal or let it come and go overnight.

I'd be quite pleased my 18 year old was able to say no despite not having completely firmed up his camping plans.

If she literally cannot afford that then yes she is desperate? Some of you lot live on another planet I swear

She is going on holiday. Holidays cost money

My God, the OP is insufferable. Agree many other poster’s that the op was poorly written & lacking in transparency. Hence the replies received & accusations of a drip feed. Clearly, the OP was never going to accept that their behaviour was anything other than reasonable. Therefore, i think it’s safe to say the OP chose AIBU because they fancied spending the afternoon arguing with strangers on the internet. Strange behaviour but they certainly walk amongst us.

But she can afford a 2 week holiday? Where's the money she was spending on the original pet sitter? I can't imagine they were doing it for £30 for 2 weeks.

It’s not 10 minutes max.

Each morning

Our driveways are long and it takes a few minutes to walk there, (as I said in pp we are 1 of only 4 houses on a lane, not a street with lots of houses close by), then get through 2 doors, turn off alarm, find cat in house if he’s not waiting downstairs, give fuss (and brush on some visits as long haired), give tablet medication, feed cat, wait for him to eat and drink, change litter tray and clear up litter around it, clean round his bum if necessary as long haired, see if he wants to stay in or go out (which can be a big and time consuming decision for a cat of his age), play with him if he’s is staying in, bag up leftover food and put in outside along with cat litter, put plate in soak, set alarm, lock up, walk back which takes a few minutes. Added time for if cat has puked, made any extra mess.

Not 10 minutes.

Each evening
Walk there, 2 doors, alarm, find cat in house if he’s stayed in or call him and wait for him to come if he’s been out, give fuss, give tablet medication, feed cat, change litter tray if he’s has stayed in and used it, clean round his bum if necessary as long haired, play, fuss, put cat litter in outside bin, wash up plates, settle cat for the night so he isn’t trying to get out the door whilst I’m leaving, set alarm, lock up, walk the few minutes back to my house.

Not 10 minutes.

It isn’t a case of throwing food at the cat and leaving. When we had cats, my mum once waited an hour for the cat to come in after she arrived. I wouldn’t leave the cat out at night as I’d never forgive myself if he got run over. At the other end of our lane is a road where it’s national speed limit. My son and I wouldn’t have a half arsed attempt at looking after a cat.

Just read op’s threads, and can’t believe she hasn’t rang around other cat sitters!

Just looked at two random local cat sitters and they charge between £15-30 depending on whether it’s one or two visits.

Well done to both of you for standing your ground. Also, she’d rather lose her holiday, then pay son’s friend £15 per day!

I would too . In the interests of being a nice neighbour . I hope the OP needs some help from the neighbour at some point . It's just mean spirited .

It would be ten minutes to feed my cat and maybe your neighbours too. She goes outside and is not usually seen much by the person feeding her.

So her holiday is dependent on her paying Peanuts for her cat to be looked after.
If she can’t afford both maybe she should have a shorter holiday.
Total CF.

It would be the litter tray deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t want to deal with cat shit.

Pet shit is like baby shit to me. Absolutely no problem to deal with your own, and you don’t even think about it, but anyone else’s makes you heave and retch. Vom.

Why are you even entertaining this and documenting the timings if you can’t do it on account of not being there? You obviously didn’t want to do it regardless of whether or not you’d be available. That’s ok.

Personally I would have done it because imo it’s a
small task that I could easily fit into my day without any bother. I appreciate a good relationship with neighbours and I know they’d do the same for me if needed. But if you don’t want to that’s cool, just admit it rather than all the justifications. Which are pointless anyway because you’re not at home.

My son didn’t explain when he saw her last night as he was on his way out and just said, sorry no I can’t. When she came to our house afterwards, I explained his plans, I mentioned being away with work but she knows I am away at least one day each week anyway. I didn’t explain the whole conversation in the OP but I did say we both said we couldn’t look after the cat. I tried to help her with contacting our sitter. My son has since been over and explained, offered to find her numbers for catteries and pet sitters and a friend of his who may be able to help.

I don’t think we could have done more.

But it is not just 10 minutes, even for your cat. The person doing this would have to take on responsibility for the cat. It could go missing or become ill while its owner is away.

Have you told the neighbour that you're going to be away?

For a lot of people 'can't and 'won't or 'don't want to' can be interchangeable at times. So if you're just repeating "I can't" without further explanation, then she may be interpreting this "Don't want to" hence her continued wheedling.

No, you don't HAVE to tell her why you can't, but explaining that you are away on a trip would get most people off your back, I think.

If you're told you're going both going to be away (as she is), and she's still trying to get you to capitulate, that is very strange.

Does she have form for cheeky behaviour?

If we were both here, I would have done it though, with my son doing some of the visits. We have helped her before but only for 2 days, not 2 weeks when it didn’t clash with work and other things. I don’t think it’s a small task so I’ve explained why it isn’t, but if I was here I would have helped regardless of it being a commitment to do it twice a day.

I am answering people’s questions. It seems if I don’t give enough information I’m wrong. It’s obviously a fine art to give just the right amount of information.

Now I know what she’s like, I won’t be helping at all in future.

Can you not do it? I get she shouldn't ask twice but if she has a holiday bought and paid for then I understand why she's stressed. Not sure why everyone hates to help people nowadays.

They cannot do it as they are also going away