AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

I think your son and his gf are right, she is a CF who hoped you would say yes to the last minute I'll-lose-my-holiday plea, and do it for £30.

I don't believe that she "can't remember" how much she was paying the original sitter.

If she was really desperate, she would already have rung round other cat sitters and catteries.

And she could have contacted your son's friend and negotiated payment with him for a daily visit for a week, then used your dog sitter who had availability for her second week.

So I agree with you, I wouldn't be giving this any more headspace.

PS your son sounds like a lovely young man. I hope he has a great summer, and gets the results he needs for his next step. 🙂

I disagree. As already mentioned, sounds like she may be desperate for a cat sitter, can’t afford the higher rates of a cattery etc, and obviously doesn’t want to miss out on the holiday she’s presumably paid for. When did helping people out just because it’s a good/nice thing to do become so demonised? Yeah OP and her son don’t owe the woman anything, but nothing said suggests she’s being cheeky and more that she’s in a bind?

Cat mum.

Not your problem. Dont message again

Op and her son cannot do it because they will be working and/or travelling.

They told the neighbour they were not available and she has continued to message and attempted to emotionally blackmail them into helping her out by saying "if you don't help, I'll have to cancel my holiday"

Agree. I've not found it an easy thread to elicit accurate info from but qualify that by admitting my attention is a bit divided.

Anyway, will leave it because I am distracted so will hold back comments now.

Id just tell her you're both going away, so won't be here to do it and then not answer any more texts. Not your problem.

This thread is wild! People actually think the OP and/or her son should organise their lives around cat-sitting for a neighbour who can’t be bothered to call around or pay a competitive rate for a readily supplied solution?! And is now resorting to emotional blackmail?

I’ve (reluctantly, similar emotional blackmail tactics were deployed) cat-sat for a friend (for free) before. It was a tube journey away, and I had to go twice a day, wait for and coax the cat to come in, and the worst bit to me was dealing with the horrible wet pouches of smelly food/cleaning out the bowls. It was not a “simple ten minute job”

you are so not unreasonable OP. Hope your son has a fabulous summer.

When it’s the minority, who also seem like either cheeky fuckers, or pushovers, or they haven’t read the thread because they’re telling us we are a meanies for not doing it, when we are literally not going to be here to do it, no I’m not going to listen. 😂

If my son goes away tomorrow which looks likely as it’s cooler, and I’m away Monday morning to Thursday evening, my son is then still away, how could we have done this week? I don’t know when my son is back from camping, neither does he, he also has a concert next week requiring an overnight. I am also away Tuesday morning til Thursday evening next week. But somehow, we could have looked after the cat? How? I could have done a few days in between everything but she wanted us to commit to the full 2 weeks which wasn’t possible. I wasn’t going to offer random days as it would have just got confusing and she wasn’t exactly polite.

And having to do things like litter trays needs more psyment

Ok but maybe if you’d explained why in your op you wouldn’t be getting all the irrelevant replies.

It isn’t your problem but I cannot imagine not offering to do this for a neighbour

Cats don't need 2 visits a day , once would be fine to put fresh food and water down and clean the litter.

Wow, defensive much?

In the first post you said your son wanted to be free to come and go as he pleases, which doesn't mean 'can't' it means he doesn't want to commit to it. That leaves room for you both to perhaps do it between you if you wanted to be kind.

It's later on you explain why you can't do that, that your son is going to be away the same time as you. That changes things. You both not being home is of course a perfectly good excuse, and in that case you've done enough with the sitter's number.

If you had opened with "AIBU to not cancel a work trip to cat sit for my neighbour" then of course everyone would have said no.

YANBU. You and your son are entitled to say no for whatever reason.

I find the neighbour's level of entitlement astounding. It is a serious enough issue that she may have to cancel her holiday? But at the same time, after your son had already said no she hadn't already started contacting alternatives?

Something here doesn't add up. Maybe she really was just chancing it, as your son and his gf say.

@Thepartwhereidrun , I'm really surprised you getting so much heat about this. What happened to no is a complete sentence? You don't have to give your rationale here, but in my opinion it would also have been ok to not want to. If we're available then we do stuff for neighbours, and they do the same in return. We have keys for neighbours and they have ours, so I say this as someone that participates in neughbourhood life. After an experience like yours with her I would forever be wary. Anyone who tries to manipulate a situation gets a firm wall up from me.

No, my son said no he can’t and I wrote that in my OP. Can’t means can’t. I also said I said no I can’t help. Again, can’t means can’t.

But imagine you can’t, then you actually can’t.

Yes but putting food out is one thing. Picking up cat shit is quite another. Surely you can comprehend that.

Well your update sheds a completely different light on it. She was evasive about how much the cat sitter was charging, turned down an alternative friend who wanted £15 a day and wasn't interested in help ringing round other cat sitters or catteries.
I have changed my view and think she was being cheeky.

Does can’t mean can to some people. It must do. In my OP I stated that my son said no he can’t help and I also stated that I said no I can’t help but that I text my dog sitter for her.

When I say I can’t do something, it means I can’t do it.

Right so you’re not going to listen because you don’t like the answer. What a waste of everyone’s time including your own! I’m neither a CF nor a pushover, I’m just also not an arsehole who delights in refusing to help a neighbour clearly in need. I highly doubt she would be asking you repeatedly if she had anyone local who could help her but you seem to be relishing in your refusal which is frankly just weird and nasty.

If you read OP’s post, she has clearly stated that she and her son can’t care for her neighbours cat! She shouldn’t have to go over and over again giving her reasons! Or be guilt tripped!
Well done to her son, hope he gets to have a well earned brake and the A level results he wants.

Ok? So your cat is just left to go shit all over some poor persons garden. Nice.

Excellent, good for him. What a cow she is!!! And a tight one at that. £50, that’s pennies - won’t even cover a meal out for him and gf.

I have read your updates op, this neighbour is an absolute grifter. There was never a cat sitter, she invented the story with the intention of guilt tripping your son into doing it for hardly anything.
Well done for not tearing her a new arsehole, I'm not sure I would manage to be so restrained.