Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

of course this is a wind up.

OP never came back.

Looking at her user name I wonder if her neighbours post on here about here angry dogs?

They are as entitled as you to enjoy their garden in the warm weather I'd laugh in my neighbours face if they suggested what you're suggesting

Of course you can’t ask for this. Well
you could but I doubt your rota idea will be welcomed!

Were the women actually “prancing” or were they just wearing bikinis? What even is prancing?

They’re just using their garden like everyone is entitled to. Maybe the sound of your kids outside annoys them. How would you feel if they asked you to keep them inside because their noise spoiled their evening meal?

Honestly, buy a house in a field in the middle of nowhere if living in a normal society offends you so much. Don’t buy a place on top of other people if you don’t want to hear people. Society isn’t going to bend to your demands unfortunately. If you live on top of other people you’re going to hear other people. You can’t dictate when they should go in their own garden, don’t be so ridiculous.

You are being rather unreasonable and a bit irrational.

You bought a house in a scheme...So literally got what you paid for.

This is why my dad bought a house with no neighbours.....Then we got some...so he planted lots and lots and lots of trees.

We can still hear the closest ones use their loo, but thats about it.

I feel your pain.

Just put some music on. It doesn't need to be loud, but it will stop you overhearing their conversations and vice versa.

Then you can plan your next house move to somewhere without neighbours :)

Mumsnet makes me so thankful for my noisy and friendly neighbours..
We have noisy DC, neighbours either also have noisy DC or have gatherings and bbqs and play music and chat/laugh loudly. Everyone is happy, everyone occasionally apologises for noise and everyone says not to worry.
Far more beneficial for everyone than being grumpy at hearing others.

Agreed

You can ask them to be quiet, but you cannot ask them not to use their garden.

It’s as simple as that, is it??

It's not unreasonable to dislike hearing others' noise, but it's unreasonable to complain about this 'normal living' noise at reasonable times when you have chosen to live in a house so close to others. It is completely off to ask them not to use their garden at certain times. I suppose you could let them know, in case they aren't aware, that you can hear confidential work info in case that poses a problem for them (not you) & ask them if they'd mind avoiding explicit conversations with friends when your children are outside. But expect the conversation to be a bit awkward.

As everyone else has said, this is ridiculously unreasonable on your part. Unfortunately if you want complete silence at home, you need to move somewhere with no neighbors. You can sit your garden but are choosing not to. They sound like mostly alright neighbours, inside by 9PM and making the most of their outside space.

Just be grateful its only vapes you can smell - my neighbours like to smoke weed in theirs (right next to one of our open windows and it stinks out our house). Although it may annoy you, and they may be louder than you can wish, not much you can do to stop that. The worst thing you can do is stop using your garden yourself. So suggest you use it just as much as them, not quietly or passively, let you kids out and play and undoubtedly they'll get fed up by your noise and retreat into the house for their teams calls.

Omfg. If you are this pathetic why did you move into a new build? They're well known for gardens with little privacy. Go move to a property with a few acres of your own.

God, the nasty crowing on here. OP clearly knows she is being unreasonable and is reaching for solutions when really stressed out.

She asked for a sense check/help to deal with an issue that is troubling her. Yes her proposed solution is not viable or reasonable and she pretty much says she knows that, but can't people think beyond that?

What would actually help this person who is in a muddle? Support, insight, practical solutions? Certainly not the slurry of responses of the "get over it", "you're obssessed/mad/awful/stupid", or the totally simplisitic: move house, stop looking crap, none of which are remotely useful, funny or even worth reading and certainly not over and over again. If it were that easy she likely would have done that and not have to post to ask for a bit of support.

If you MUST react, just click the agree emoji when some has said it once, you don't need to pile on. But well done everyone you have chased her off (or more likely she is actually just getting on with her life, realising asking was a pretty pointless excercise today).

The blah blah you can't tell me what to post/it's a public forum responses can get in the sea too.

There's been a definite increase in the number of posts from the "can't wait to kick you" crowd lately.

@MrSchubertWhiskersthere really has. I am not sure people think about how awful it must feel to hear "you are awful/crazy/pathetic/wrong" for 175th time, when you just want to work something out. The lack of empathy is really shocking sometimes.

I’m tired of listening to my neighbours who are in their garden all the time of with bi fold doors open. Everyone else is quite quiet and considerate. Their children also scream all the time. Alternating eating out is not a runner though. Headphones or trying to zone out are your best bet.

100%
We can all be unreasonable sometimes, and we all get annoyed and grumble about things we can't change but would like to.

There have been a few threads like this lately, with the op acknowledging they're being unreasonable and all they get back is nastiness, when actually the replies just need to be, "yes yabu and you can't do xyz, but yes it's annoying"

Of course you can’t ask this.

What are the detrimental effects you think your kids will suffer if they overhear a teams meeting? Are your kids silent in the garden then, or do you expect the neighbour to just tolerate the sound of screeching and playing in the garden on a weekday whilst he’s holed up in a furnace of a house trying to work and it’s only an issue when it’s him making noise?

We’ve had some pure scandalous posts on ours the last few days as well. Facebook people watching is a total guilty pleasure of mine!!

OP you can’t police how people use their gardens but you would be within your rights to have a polite word about the “sordid conversations”. Just keep it polite and light.

@MrSchubertWhiskers - completely. I don't get it either because this is a discussion forum. None of those statements help with dicussion, they are shut downs/pile ons and all the more pointless - as you point out - as the OP has usually signalled doubts/confusion about what the right thing to do is anyway. It's more akin to short form X/Twitter interactions.

This is exactly what we did!

Please tell me this is a joke?