Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

You just need to go out but your music on and it will drain out the noise. My neighbours seem to be unable to communicate without shouting at each other. And are in the garden all the time, but I noticed the more I go out the less they do . And when she works from home in the garden I play music .

If prancing is offensive, perhaps people in bikinis should try different modes of movement.

-Trundling
-Shuffling
-Mooching
-Trotting
-Sauntering

Would any of these be ok OP?

“prancing around” in bikinis. That’s very misogynistic language. Were they also “displaying their assets” and “putting on a leggy display”. ewww. YABU.

Also GDPR only applies to personal data. Unless they were discussing personal information about clients on their calls, they’re good.

Ha vg. Have we got to how they eat yet? Usually that has some choice words on here

Put some music on to drown out their noise.

Please tell NDN how you feel and ask them to arrange a garden rota share agreement with you.

Then report back here.

Thanks.

They are doing nothing wrong.

Loud music and parties and non stop baking dogs, DIY at unsociable hours. They are the things to get irritated by.

Consider yourself lucky that they finish up around 9. They are under no obligation to do so, and that’s likely them being considerate of the families around them.

I cannot see what you could expect from this conversation - a rota? An agreement that no one speaks outside? Less prancing?

Honestly OP, I’m the most introverted person you could meet and yet even I can see that it would be unreasonable for you to do this!
You have extroverted neighbours who aren’t aware of their impact on others and possibly don’t even care.
Also, they genuinely have a right to use their garden how they see fit, even though it’s infuriating for those living around them!
You'll need to compromise here, even though I too would also absolutely hate the situation you’re in.
I’d recommend a background noise of some sort to drown them out a bit.
Maybe put some music on or get one of those loud gushing waterfall features just so that their noise isn’t quite so clear cut.
Vaping is disgusting but again not much you can do about it wafting through.
I’d be planting some big screening bushes next to the area of the fence it comes through the most or something like that, just to try to block it a bit.
These are not great suggestions but there isn’t an obvious solution unless you rent and can move. I’ve learned you really can’t fight situations like this or let yourself get wound up about it, you just need to do whatever you can do to manage it. It’s the nature of how we all live on top of each other these days!

i had visions of this

This is such an obvious windup ffs

We haven’t managed to sit peacefully in the garden all week without building work through the day, lawnmowers, strimmer, barbecues etc on an evening but it is what it is on a new build estate, you either accept it or move somewhere with fewer neighbours

Send your kids out to kick a football against the fence for a few hours and scream in the background of his Teams meetings and you can all equally wind one another up. Maybe get a Jack Russell that barks when they go into their garden.

You had me until the bikini comment. Loud neighbours are hell and people can be selfish dickheads. But why are the bikinis a problem again?

Haha DH and I used to be naked in our garden until we made friends with the neighbors. Hard to do now they pop their heads over the gate and fence to say hello.

A mealtime rota is mental but I don’t think he should take all his calls in the garden and they should censor their conversation a bit or lower voices if they know children are nearby.

😂

He can take his calls where he likes. I’ve been taking some in the back garden and if my neighbour asked me not to, I’d tell them to bugger off.

I agree with most others that YWBU to ask for designated garden times. You cannot complain that they are using or speaking in their own garden. I do think you could politely ask them to vape elsewhere or in a further part of the garden as it is not safe for children to inhale vape fumes. I don’t think there’s much you could do if they refuse but they may not realise the fumes are making their way to you and I think most people would respect concerns about a child’s health.

Yabu I'm afraid. It doesn't sound anything out of the ordinary.

You'd have a heart attack if you lived on our street; BBQs, blaring music, singing, drilling, kids screaming, smell of weed from the adult child next door.

We don't contribute much of this but are always working out on the green opposite our house. I love it here and would hate to live anywhere remote.

I think it's the "prancing" she hates, although no-one is quite sure what that involves.
Imagine an innocent 9 year old seeing a woman in a bikini 😱

The heatwave will be over soon.
They finish at 9pm, which I think is very reasonable.
Their alcohol consumption or swimwear preferences are nothing to do with you.

I hate neighbour noise as much as anyone, and have suffered way more than my fair share of it. But this is ridiculous. Why should everyone exist to tiptoe around your kids? Why are they even off school?

At least next door aren't nudists like the AIBU from yesterday!

Yeah you can ask them. I'd prepare to be told to fuck off though.

I had a bikini on yesterday and I’m old and fat.

I also went to a friends the other evening for a bbq and drove home coz I don’t drunk.

You are being completely unreasonable.

They can do what they want in their garden. Nothing they are doing is particularly antisocial. You need to catch a grip.