Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

Sadly that post made you sound even more jealous, jealous and resentful,

I think the Teams calls in the garden is not ok - doubt the employer would be happy about that - and it means the noise is all day.

The vaping - I wouldn’t like it if it’s blowing straight at you - but it depends how close to your garden they are and how much comes over.

The social life - I can imagine it’s a bit annoying but they’re doing nothing wrong. Sorry if the conversation is inappropriate for a 9 year old but that’s not their responsibility.

The bikinis - You’re starting to sound ridiculous and puritanical.

The rota idea - batshit.

Ok, how about uptight then? Yes?

It’ll be pissing down next week - problem solved.

How to the title “the weirdo next door” or worse

This just makes you sound bitter. And very judgmental.

Nothing wrong with a raucous social life at any age!

Is this thread for real? You need a week in a run down area like I grew up in. I'm sure after a week of domestics, constant cat piss weed fumes and abandoned mattresses and you'd happily take your neighbours over that.

Your expectations are way too high. The world does not universally cater to your desire for silence everywhere else apart from your own garden. You either accept normal life living amongst others or you move somewhere isolated.

And why on earth do you think trampolines are antisocial? Did they forget to say hi to you or something? I've heard it all on here now.

I’d much rather hear their conversations about dating and work dramas then screaming kids!
seriously OP, you sound so ridiculously entitled it’s laughable. They can do what they want in their own garden.

Trampolines are horrible things and I won't have one in my garden taking up all of the space. They encourage nosy children to peer over other people's fences and invade on other people's privacy. Not to mention the unsettling persistent bouncing noise that others can hear. My children understand my stance on the matter, they know no means no and that we are respectful and considerate neighbours. I'm surprised so many people buy trampolines.

I am a bit sympathetic. We live in a detached house on a quarter acre plot and rural (so in theory have fewer neighbour problems) and have a booming neighbour also. He's also mostly deaf so he shouts. He also drinks and gets a bit violent. Plus he has a sweet habit of thinking he is the street King and likes to shoves notes through the letterboxes of everyone else when he thinks they have transgressed some law known only to him. (Our latest note related to us putting up a bird feeder in our detached garden. He doesn't like birds, and he really does not like birds flying over his garden.).

He's a fan of bbqs, sitting outside until 1 am, and having mostly women around who he peacocks at. Hes not a fan of wearing his hearing aid so he has to shout to hear himself and everyone else apparently has to shout back. He also this week appears to have bought himself an electric guitar with amplifier and is displaying to his guests how well he can play 3 chords.

I'd like to say i suck it up, because i do. But it fucking grates.

@Guarddogdaschunds you are coming across as terribly judgemental and convinced that your way of living and values are the only acceptable ones - they aren’t.

It’s curious that for someone who values privacy as much as you do, and seemingly dislikes people who don’t adhere to your rules, you chose to live in close proximity to neighbours.

🤣🤣 am dying to know the outcome of this fabulous suggestion ! just gonna get the 🍿

Update: my DH has been on Linkedin and has found the man next door and the company he works for.

Ok you’ve a v small garden and your kids are nosey and you can’t control them if they use it, I think that’s valid.

on the rest though, honestly originally I thought it was you were judgey, but you just come across as jealous bitter and resentful. That these people have a social life, friends, have fun, and the women are comfortable to wear bikinis. It does look like you have none of this stuff, and I think you’re only in your 30s

you commented most people are home with their families, no, most people have a mix, of course they stay home with their families, but they also have friends, fun, the two are not mutually exclusive.

the thing is your utter jealousy and bitterness is driving you to behave poorly, instead of getting in a flap, try to understand what it tells you about your own unhappiness, what do you need to do, make friends, get a social life, lose weight? It’s really better to resolve the issue rather than attack others.

your neighbours are going to live their lives, as they please, in their own home, as they should. They will not stop so you feel better about your life.

What on earth has that got to do with anything?

I will never understand why people who clearly dislike other human beings live on new build estates.

OP everything you've described is completely normal, summer behaviour. Deal with it. I'm sure they hate your kids squealing, shouting, giggling, bickering (and don't act all saint-like, these are normal child behaviours)* *but they haven't harassed you about it. Honestly just get on with it.

Edited to add that your bikini comments are absolutely outrageous and scream of your own insecurities. Presumably you don't get bent out of shape at the beach/swimming pool when people where swimwear so your comments are absurd. Imagine someone caring that much about what you wore in your own home 🙄

You are setting yourself up for a war with your neighbours if your DH pops round. 9pm is considerate. Wearing a bikini in this heat is normal. You sound jealous.
Invest in some tall plants/bushes that you can grow next to their side.

So? If you are actually going to do anything with this information that’s poisonous.

There is a nightmare neighbour in this scenario - and it’s not living next door to you…..

This has got to be a wind up. What is he going to do with that information?

. . .I'm so disappointed in myself for taking the bait. There's still time for me to delete this comment and disengage but, nope, I'm going to click 'post' 😔

I get you but you can’t do it!

I think YABU. If they were playing loud music into the early hours fair enough but they're not and what they wear is none of your business.

If this sort of thing bothers you, you really shouldn't live on a housing estate but somewhere remote where you don't have immediate neighbours.

I’m all for being considerate neighbours, but I think you’re seriously overreacting.

Focus on your own garden, plant something along the boundary, make your own garden a little sanctuary for you and ignore next door. They don’t sound that bad, if occasionally a bit loud. They are entitled to sit and gossip or work outside as long as they aren’t talking about confidential info.

Living in that kind of environment isn’t for everyone and perhaps a new build estate isn’t for you.

I feel for you OP but it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything that crosses the boundaries. We also have an outdoor office next door and a loud teams caller but luckily it only lasts a few hours.

We have neighbours incapable of using a quiet voice (late night smokers too), and they had friends round on the patio until 1.30pm so be thankful it's only 9pm. Sadly you can't do what you're suggesting. I'd definitely follow other posters advice of paddling pool, radio, bouncing ball on patio, BBQ. Reclaim your garden and accept it's not going to be a quiet haven. 😔
Edited to add if they complain about the new noise say we're just trying to drown out your noise/ your work conversations