Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

Yabu, especially about this bit: The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis

I’m neither a vaper nor a bikini-wearer but you can’t really object to people doing what they want in their own garden within normal waking hours.

Ground rules!? Lol. They own the ground on which they make noise! Get friendly maybe they'll invite you over!

I'd play music when I am outside at a level required to drown out the noise from next door. If there are any complaints, I'd tell them directly it was required to drown out their noise and you will happily switch it off as soon as it is no longer needed as you prefer quiet too.

I think you might find if you go outside and actually use your garden this will resolve itself. If you kids go out and start playing in the paddling pool he will probably go inside, that’s usually the way it works , atm He’s not modifying his behaviour because he doesn’t see the need to, when he does he will probably adapt his use of the garden . Just use it how you want to.

How do you cope when you go to a beach, a swimming pool, on holiday?

Why should people be allowed to wear a bikini at a swimming pool but not their own garden?

I honestly can't comprehend the mental gymnastics you go through to come up with this logic.

How does one “parade” when in one’s own back garden? Surely parading is something you do in public. And whether or not they can be seen from upstairs windows, they are not in public, they are in their own garden. As to the prancing - well, why shouldn’t one “prance” on one’s own garden?! Honestly you sound like a Daily Fail referring to women ‘flaunting their assets’ / ‘daring to bare’ etc when they are literally just wearing clothes. Do you have an issue with people parading and prancing around in bikinis and speedos at the beach? If not, why is it any different in their own back garden.

He’s probably enjoying the prancing bikini clad Victoria Secret models

Agree

your kids will not hear a single word they say they will be focused on playing

the bikini comment is beyond mental

you need help

Hahaha good luck if he tries to phrase it that way!

Hi, I am here to impose some ground rules on how you live your life. If you tried that with me you would get a two word response and the door shut in your face. If approached more nicely then I would be open to a conversation but chances are I would just say what you wanted to hear and then go back to carrying on if I thought I was being unreasonable then I would stop but having friends over in my garden and enjoying myself doesn't count as unreasonable.

Having friends over, enjoying yourself in the hot weather and wanting to sit in your garden as much as you can does not make you a teenager.

The local swimming baths must be hell on earth for you.

I see everyone’s point and also that it’s annoying sorry op! But they won’t modify their behaviour so stop modifying yours/ especially stop politely hiding away while he’s on team calls; that’s their confidential conversation not yours, so encourage the kids to have a screaming match, or do whatever they want to do.

also, you must never take your kids to the beach. Shocking the things ladeez wear there.

I don't think they are doing anything wrong. I would absolutely hate the noise, but they aren't doing anything wrong and there is nothing you can do about it

Your comments about their swimwear are wild!

That people actually think like this and believe themselves to be reasonable, is an utter mindfuck.

OP, I do not relish noise from others, I have to be honest (unless I am helping them make it!) but I realise that this is an entirely me problem. Couldn’t give a monkeys about ‘prancing’ (ye gods) as I am not actually insane. But to ensure relative quiet, I live in glorious isolation with my only neighbours at some distance. You should do the same.

If you can’t afford it, you’ll have to suck it up I’m afraid. You’re going to drive yourself and your poor neighbours (ground rules!!) mad.

If you have got kids OP get the paddling pool out, the music on, the bbq on and let them make a noise as long as its day time even invite some of there friends over.

You are being totally unreasonable. I also guarantee you that your children will have been a pain in the arse in the garden at some point. Please don’t go there and ask for ground rules- they are doing nothing wrong by wearing bikinis or having a chat until 9pm. They will think you are absolutely nuts if you raise the bikini issue.

The bikini comment is hilarious.

I'm calling bollocks here.
This is the second thread this week where an OP has been having a fit of the vapours about their next door neighbour (who always happens to be a woman) "undergarments" and asking MN if they should put a note through the door.

2/10 for originality.

I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

When Covid restrictions started, we were all asked about our working from home arrangements, including what degree of privacy we had from partners or other family members also WFH. We were issued with headsets to use when talking to clients, so that other people in the house wouldn't be able to hear what clients were saying, and colleagues who didn't have a separate room had to use their headsets for Zoom meetings as well. We were reminded that GDPR still applied.

Put your own music on outside, especially when he is on a call or make your own phone call sitting on the other side of the fence.
Let your children play outside, and say they can choose the music they want to listen to, so you disturb their conversation with friends. Or as another poster said buy water pistols and invite childrens friends round for a watertight. Or move ! But don't ask them to agree times to use their garden for goodness sake !

This is insane, I would laugh at your note, put it in the bin and label you the weird neighbour for eternity.

Have an ice lolly and a word with yourself.

The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows!

WTF?

Booming and squarking voices?

You sound like a hideous judgemental bigot, I'd like to hear what they have to say about you!

Let the kids play- most likely he will end up moving in doors to take calls. In fairness if they are only outside until 9pm then they are being considerate. Maybe he does not realise that he has such a loud voice. The bikini things is your issue they are not nude - don't look if you don't want to see them.

Your DH is going to look like a utter knob if he is going over complaining about people living their lives. You do not sound suited to living in a housing development like the one you are in.

I feel for you about the noise but I'm not sure about this approach.
If you do go with asking to keep the noise down you'll look ridiculous watering your complaint down with a list of misdemeanours that include bikini wearing and vaping, so pick your battles carefully.

Swimwear is not the same as underwear. How do you cope on the beach?

It sounds dreadful, and of course people who behave like this are not likely to respond well to requests to behave differently.