Should I ask my neighbours if we can have designated times to sit in the garden?

[Guarddogdaschunds]

I will preface by saying that it is possible this heatwave has affected my rational thinking. So I will bite- I am so sick of listening to my neighbours having their dinner in the garden and having to listen to their booming voices for hours on end. It has reached the stage where we feel relegated indoors, especially in the evenings.

We live in a new build in close proximity to our neighbours so can hear everything as you can imagine. They are a couple in their early 30's (I think), no kids. The man with the booming voice works from home and has taken to working from his garden throughout the day, often vaping. My kids are off school, trying to make the best of the time off and I really don't think they should have to hear the details of his teams meetings. Surely he should work inside and allow people peaceful enjoyment of their gardens? I have never worked from home, but wouldn't it be considered a GDPR breach if others can hear?

They have had friends over for BBQs the previous 2 nights and have been sitting outside chatting until around 9pm. The BBQ smell lingered for so long and of course they were all vaping and drinking alcohol. One of their friends was regaling them with tales of her dating escapades-hardly an appropriate topic for my 9 year old to have in earshot. I also don't want my kids damaging their lungs inhaling all of those disgusting vape particles. The women have also been prancing around in very skimpy bikinis. I know women are entitled to wear what they want, but come on-all the neighbours can see if they look outside their upstairs windows! I'm also concerned as yesterday, the visiting friends were there for several hours and appeared to drive themselves home- were they over the limit?

On both occasions, I have brought my kids inside, as I don't want them to hear the sordid details of their conversations. I also feel awkward that they are only a few metres away from me, so I don't want to have my dinner outside in case they listen to our conversation. Would I be unreasonable to pop over or post a note through their door requesting that we have an outdoor mealtime rota so we can all enjoy our gardens in peace-as we are entitled to?

I think the heat is affecting your rational thinking. I think you should mind your own business. Sound like great neighbours where they wont bother you and your children. So carry on with your life and let them get on with theirs.

'It's the just move house' brigade that get me. 🙄
Of course, why didn't I think of that? Might be leaving relatives, friends, kids friends, schools, more work travelling possibly.
But let's just think for a moment...I take it most of the 'move' lot can pull a few grand out of thin air for all the associated costs, moving, legal surveys etc.
Meanwhile irl most people have few savings [not always through choice] and can't move anywhere remotely naice because of the cost of property.
If you are selling your shit hole neighbourhood property for £250k and that's stretching it, how the hell are you supposed to move to the 'just move's' ideal, middle of nowhere property when it costs near £800k plus?
Some posters on here don't seem to think about the bigger picture with some of their daft advice - there is a person behind the OP who started the thread.

We had guests yesterday, 1 vaped, 4 drank alcohol, 2 in bikinis, but not prancing and a BBQ. However, we were tucked up in bed before 9pm after a 4am start, so you're not my neighbour - THANKFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's normal life with neighbours op. How does one prance in a bikini anyway?

Just get a trampoline and have your kids screaming on it at 8am to even up the irritation levels

Yeah- floozies 🙂

The neighbour having work calls in the garden all day does sound unbearable but I guess it is his prerogative to do that. Maybe he doesn’t realise that it is disturbing you so you could mention that but the idea of scheduling times is totally bonkers unfortunately. I really feel for you though, noisy neighbours would be my worst nightmare

Don’t. But what I would do is have a conversation in your garden with your other half about what’s that awful smell (vapes) and a conversation about how nexts doors fiend has such a life after hearing about her escapade, and a conversation about how you have heard all about his clients in teams meeting and have learnt such a lot

maybe that will make them think

You are certifiably bonkers! 😂

Apologies, I wasn't expecting to have so many responses, I can't quite understand all of the vitriol, but there we go, that's Mumsnet for you! It seems that several others are having similar issues to me in this heatwave.

Male or female, I personally think it is unsavoury to parade -or prance- around ones garden in clothing that represents undergarments. The garden in a residential area is a place where you can be seen by anybody quite easily from the upstairs windows. I would react in the same manner if a bloke was sporting a Speedo.

They’d be well within their rights to “prance around” absolutely naked so consider yourself lucky.

Exactly, especially during his working hours! When they barbecue, chuck a pack of sausages over and ask them to throw those on for you, joking apart it's what we did in Germany when a neighbour had fired up their barbecue, lots of food being passed over!

People are very much allowed to “prance” around their own garden in the clothes of their choosing. Just as you are allowed not to stare at them from your own windows.

The teams calls are v selfish. He should at least wear headphones

I've never known so many skimpy or no clothes comments. We've had naked neighbours, skimpy washing on line and now women in skimpy bikinis.

Of course YABU to try and timetable their life.

Best place would be a desert island! I’ve never read anything so ridiculous!

Well, you are really odd. I can tell you, that over several houses, and many decades, I have had many neighbouring men ‘parade around’ in their Speedo’s. Around the pool, over several hours of a day. Why would I give a shit about this? Seriously. You sound disturbed.

ETA - have also had neighbouring women and visitors ‘parade around’ for several hours in bikini’s/one pieces/tankini’s, whatever, for several hours around the pool. Often at night, when visitors have gone home, a lot of people just dip nude. Because that’s the weather we live in. It’s in no way odd. I have never once thought to confront a neighbour over this, as that would be completely batshit. Plus that’s what we do, as it’s completely normal 🤷‍♀️.

If you don't want to see your neighbours or hear them then I'm puzzled why you choose to live in a house that has neighbours all over? You can live in houses that are not overlooked - and I don't mean mansions either, just normal houses, that you choose carefully and prioritise a secluded garden/outdoor space. You don't really have much choice though OP I suspect. Also you personally think it's unsavory to spend time in your own garden wearing undergarments - well it would seem you're in the minority. Live and let live or go and live in a place with no neighbours!

Stop gawping at them then. They're not doing it for your benefit.

Male or female, I personally think it is unsavoury to parade -or prance- around ones garden in clothing that represents undergarments. The garden in a residential area is a place where you can be seen by anybody quite easily from the upstairs windows. I would react in the same manner if a bloke was sporting a Speedo

I'm afraid I disagree quite strongly with you here. Your children would see as much at any pool, on any beach.

It's really voyeuristic to watch your neighbours from upstairs windows. Just don't. People have reasonable expectation of privacy in their own gardens, don't infringe upon that and then moan about what they're wearing.

They can wear what they want in their own garden. So can their visitors. Just because you're a prude doesn't mean they have to dress with you in mind.

Stop looking out at them. Put up some curtains or blinds.

It's hot and people can use their gardens and yards.

So my hubby has given my head a bit of a wobble and told me that we cannot impose an outdoor rota and that I am being ridiculous. He does however agree that the booming voices and squarking voices are unbearable, so if they are entertaining again tonight, he will pop over and try to agree some ground rules. It is ridiculous, they are both a similar age to us and they act like teenagers!

You comments get more ludicrous every time! It’s their garden, so they can wear what they want, they’re not wandering around naked! A bikini is hardly undergarments you sound positively ridiculous! They have to put up with your children playing outside, I doubt they play in silence! Perhaps see your doctor as I suspect you’ve got mental health problems!

He's a smart chap your hubby :)

I really do sympathise with the amount of pain this is causing you OP, (I’ve been there, trust me) but there’s no cure but to move to somewhere without neighbours. I saved up and bought a small very rural house in my mid forties and regained my sanity. Having no neighbours is the biggest luxury in the world to me.

No, you can’t ask for a rota or for them to be quieter, well you can, but it will only make things worse.

What ground rules?