AIBU to find it creepy when my father asks my 4YO about girlfriends?

[FunnyHazelPeer]

I have a 4YO DS. My parents are involved, relationship with my father has been strained but I have a good relationship with my mother so we are all around eachother.

Father asked my DS today how many girlfriends he has at school. I said that’s a weird and creepy thing to ask a child. He carried on saying I bet you have lots of girlfriends, all the girls love you.

At this point I snapped, and said to be quiet saying such stupid creepy things. DS looked at him like he had 4 heads - was very confused.

DS left the room and father told me I was being too sensitive he will have girlfriends. I said he’s FOUR!!!!!!!!!! It’s sooooo strange to be saying this to a child.

father said I’m controlling and DS will end up resenting me.

Am I in the wrong???? I think it’s creepy thing to ask???

You’re not wrong and people sexualising 4 year olds are creepy. Let them be little and bond with them over their actual interests rather than inflicting narrow views of how boys and girls should relate to one another.

You are not wrong. When mine were that age pre-school was very very firm about no teasing/chat about boyfriends/girlfriends. the kids were friends.

I’ve three small boys and this is 🤮

I absolutely agree
if this man wasn’t a relative you wouldn’t tolerate this so I’d be going non-contact with this vile creature

Very inappropriate.
Perhaps it simply boils down to him not having great conversational skills, so that’s the best nonsense he can come up with?

You are being ridiculous

Very inappropriate, well done for challenging it. I'd never mention girlfriends or boyfriends to my child (not necessarily girlfriends either!).

In my experience this is an older generation thing.

Maybe it’s an age thing? I’m a grown adult but my aunty and grandad would prattle on about boyfriends up until I was 15:16, to be fair I think they just enjoyed the sport of me being little and going ewwwwwww boys NEVER when they would say it when I was small

Unless there is background you are not sharing you are being over sensitive.

Kids enjoy playing house/grown up, and it’s all just playing along with that. It is rather odd to leap from normal role playing kids do to “creepy”

Isn't he just saying that so that your son says 'Eurgh girls are disgusting' or something similar, and he has a chuckle about how lovely and innocent he is? I.e. the same little scene that has played out millions of times since the dawn of time?

I hate this too.

They stamped this sort of conversation out in my children's primary school. I agree because it basically says you cannot be friends if you are boys and girls that you have to label it a girlfriend or boyfriend. We should be promoting friendships between whoever wants to be friends.

My son played with a girl, other children called her his girlfriend so he stopped playing with her because he was 8 and didn't want a girlfriend. Teachers stepped in and explained everyone is just a friend. It helps prevent the whole eugh a girl situation later too. What is wrong with being a girl?

What makes a 4 year old girl a girlfriend? Is it holding hands? What? I hate it with a passion.

YANBU. I hate any adults asking young kids if they have girlfriends/boyfriends.

When I was 8 my best friend was a boy and I remember how it annoyed me when my neighbour would ask if he was my boyfriend. Weird behaviour.

I agree. Your son was looking like that because of your reaction, not because of what his grandad said.

I also find it cringe-making when people quiz small children about girlfriends/boyfriends. In my experience, it's either a generational thing or people simply having no idea how to interact with children. Frequently the two go together. I recently heard a grandfather "teasing" his six-year old grandson about a girl in his class. The little boy looked straight at him and said firmly "She's not my girlfriend, she's my friend." The grandfather had the sense to drop the subject.

You're not wrong, but this is a more contemporary outlook than the likely age of your father, so it's not surprising your father still says these sorts of things, particularly if he hasn't has much time around small children and their newer generation parents.

I think you can broach the conversation is a better way in the first instance than calling someone 'weird and creepy' – you're much more likely to get a productive response that way.

I also hate the heteronormative aspect of it. I find responding ‘he might want a boyfriend not a girlfriend, we don’t know yet’ tends to shut those comments down.

I used to get this as a 5 year old 60 years ago! Endless “ ooh is he your boyfriend “ from various adults. I can still remember being baffled, I had literally no idea what they were talking about !

its just out of date. I used to get talked to this way when I was a kid. Sounds so odd to us now : ‘ she’s going to break a lot of hearts’ for example, was said to mean ‘ you’re daughter is pretty’.

remember they’re talking about ‘ being sweet on each other’ when they talk about girlfriends at that age, not sex.

tell him it’s out of date.

Oh my gawd. Any chance you get, eh.

Your dad is creepy and controlling. Can you invite your mum to your house without your dad? I presume that you already had a strained relationship with your dad before you had your son.

How does your mum react when he says these things? Does she take his side, your side or does she keep out of it?

Seriously? You can not like it but its not creepy! Its an absolute minefield living around the offended

It very much is creepy. It can't be passed off as a joke, because jokes are funny.
It's for teasing and sexualising a child.

No need for it at all.

I always say, ‘yes he has lots of boyfriends and girlfriends at school, he’s really sociable’!