To think this is actually selfish behaviour and not thoughtful?

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There is a group of us who’ve known each other since university. We are scattered all over now but try and meet up around twice a year, usually hiring a villa/cottage somewhere and having a few days to chill and catch up.

One friend has taken to making a music play list for us. This is lauded by everyone as being a kind and thoughtful thing to do. I cannot stand it. Cannot stand it. It was maybe fine the first time but it is actually now putting me off going on any further holidays.

The playlist is extensive but obvious centred around my friend’s tastes, which are not mine. It is fine as background music but we inevitably end up spending the last couple of hours of every evening with the music turned up and two of my friends signing along so loudly that the rest of us are unable to have a conversation.

I have raised this both with my friend and with my other friends. I have been told very firmly that my friend has done a kind and generous thing making this playlist, and we should all be grateful. I appear to be the sole person amongst the 10 of us who has any objection to this.

AIBU or is this actually selfish and not generous behaviour? We have began to discuss booking our next holiday once the kids are back to school after the summer but it is putting me off going.

My friend is a kind and generous woman in many ways and our children are very close to each other, so I don’t want to create bad feeling, but this is really spoiling the holiday for me.

We are all in our 50s and have done these holidays for many, many years but it’s only in the past two years or so that the famous playlist has been introduced.

George Michael is a god. But even I understand that if he's not your favourite artist you wouldn't want to listen to him a lot.

What if one of the guests told the chef in advance that they were a vegetarian, but the chef did not prepare any vegetarian dishes?

It is neither selfish nor thoughtful. Your friend clearly enjoys being the one in charge of the music. If anything it is your other friends who are the ones being kind and thoughtful by allowing her to do it. If you like your friend I’d do the same. Just suck it up and sing along for an evening, if it makes your friend happy.

It's not just one evening, though. It's the whole holiday.

How would they react if you kindly and generously made your own playlist and asked that this one was played on the next trip?

Keep picturing this as the friend….

Why not ask her to include some songs you like?

Agree with others who suggest making it into a sort of game... in the lead up to the holiday create a group chat and every few days ask people to contribute their favourite song on a theme (different theme each time). Make it fun, get people to vote on best choices etc and make THAT the tradiiton so that the GM fan doesn't get to dominate. I like George but I find people who only like one artist to be a bit weird and evangelical about them 😆

Ha! Good point. Slightly different in that while it's possible to enjoy a play list consisting of one artist, even the most enthusiastic meat lover would be unlikely to enjoy a meal consisting of only meat, so there would have to be non meat foods available.
As a vegan, I wouldn't think it selfish if someone cooked for a group of omnivores and didn't make me a special dish just for me. I'd think, well its me that's out of step here, so I'll eat the stuff I can and avoid what I can't.
Its about numbers for me. A person doing something everyone but one person enjoys isn't selfish. They would only be selfish if they were the only one who enjoyed it.

It is thoughtful to try and do something you think others will enjoy and I amnt surprised that she can’t totally please everyone - that’s life

are you jealous that no one thinks you are being thoughtful and kind ?

If you say there's no way to get out of listening to the playlist then I guess you don't go. But have you actually got your own out and put it on? Said oh I fancy a change from George Michael et al?

Would she really launch herself at the speakers and start trashing them? Or put her music straight back on? If so then yeah you'd best give them a wide berth!

It's the midlife equivalent of dragging your friends onto the dancefloor for the shit songs that only you like.

Boring and cringey, YANBU.

Think about the book or podcast you will take to get through that bit.

Or find an 80s board game and take that with you?

Make another playlist. Hits from the years you were at university- chart and indie. Ask people to add their favourites. I still have a load of pals from univ. The ones who inflicted their music on us all 30 years ago would still do it now if allowed. It would be The Wedding Present on repeat. Last time we just made a shared Spotify playlist. It had everything from Ali's Tartan Army to The Fall. It was a joy. So much I'd forgotten. Just tell George Michael lady you took inspo from her.

I have a friend like this. He thinks his musical taste is far superior to everyone else's, and he's doing us a favour by being in charge of the playlist. The thing is, it's really not. It's mostly landfill indie, and it drives the rest of us mad because it's just so insipid, but he won't have it!

So, I feel your pain, but I'm not sure there's much you can do about it if your friend is that type because they tend to act all hurt and offended if you say anything.

Can you put a message in the group chat saying, ‘Hey Sandra, if you’re making a play list this year can you select songs we’ll all enjoy instead of the usual George Michael snorefest? I’d love to hear some Def Leppard and Sleep Token - anyone else have any special requests?’

Ummm,.. do you know the young lad who works with us? He’s allowed ‘music’ as he’s not public facing, but we have to liaise with him a lot during a shift.

Sadly he’s a fan of the vile rap stuff that involves “Pussy, slapping yo bitch, gunning the snitches, and repeatedly shouting fuck,fuck,fuck”. No wonder men have a poor opinion of women if this is what’s popular…😟

Cant wait to retire…counting the days down.
Never again will my ears be contaminated with this utter garbage.

Oooh, do they? That’s interesting. I’m retiring soon so I’ll look into that. They’ve always had music, but it seems much louder of late, really annoying.
Thanks for the info🌸

I assumed the times were different in different stores but it seems to be 9-10am on Wednesdays and Saturdays everywhere.

This is what I am thinking.

I have been on trips away with people where the last person I would choose unilaterally "volunteers" to be the one who does the big communal food shop. What follows is white bread and the cheapest ingredients from Asda when really we could all have afforded M&S.

Any objection and you are labelled ungrateful and not a team player 😂

Sadly he’s a fan of the vile rap stuff that involves “Pussy, slapping yo bitch, gunning the snitches, and repeatedly shouting fuck,fuck,fuck”.

Surely he could be told that's not acceptable in the workplace? Even if he's not public facing, other employees shouldn't have to put up with it.

Girlie calendars aren't acceptable in many workplaces now, and you can at least avoid looking at them. You can't avoid hearing this - I won't call it music.

People have a weird blind spot when it comes to music. They won’t let their kids watch films with mild sex scenes in, but they’ll let them listen to absolute filth without batting an eye.

Gosh you’re a miserable fucker. Who cares

She sounds v domineering. Music should be for everyone

when they start singing just say time for bed see you in the morning

You must really NOT like that playlist. I so want to know what songs are on it. Sounds like you are in the minority here so I can only advise sucking it up for the sake of seeing your friends, or opting out next time. Do you have sensory issues or is it just bloody awful music?