To think this is actually selfish behaviour and not thoughtful?

[BlankTrust]

There is a group of us who’ve known each other since university. We are scattered all over now but try and meet up around twice a year, usually hiring a villa/cottage somewhere and having a few days to chill and catch up.

One friend has taken to making a music play list for us. This is lauded by everyone as being a kind and thoughtful thing to do. I cannot stand it. Cannot stand it. It was maybe fine the first time but it is actually now putting me off going on any further holidays.

The playlist is extensive but obvious centred around my friend’s tastes, which are not mine. It is fine as background music but we inevitably end up spending the last couple of hours of every evening with the music turned up and two of my friends signing along so loudly that the rest of us are unable to have a conversation.

I have raised this both with my friend and with my other friends. I have been told very firmly that my friend has done a kind and generous thing making this playlist, and we should all be grateful. I appear to be the sole person amongst the 10 of us who has any objection to this.

AIBU or is this actually selfish and not generous behaviour? We have began to discuss booking our next holiday once the kids are back to school after the summer but it is putting me off going.

My friend is a kind and generous woman in many ways and our children are very close to each other, so I don’t want to create bad feeling, but this is really spoiling the holiday for me.

We are all in our 50s and have done these holidays for many, many years but it’s only in the past two years or so that the famous playlist has been introduced.

But op's friend is not asking/allowing for anyone else to contribute to the playlist and op should not have to sit with headphones on.

You’ve got a point OP… the world is increasingly full of people who push their choices and ideas onto everyone else as if it’s the only option and that you “mustn’t say anything to upset them”
Sod that!
Im retiring very soon, and one of many joyous things about that is that I will no longer ever have to listen to other people’s bloody music.
Im really with you on this 👍

If there is one thing I cannot stand it is having music on in the background, especially someone else's choice of playlist. It's like nails down a blackboard. Like being trapped in a supermarket. Some people have to have music playing every single moment they're awake. I think they don't enjoy being alone with their own thoughts.

All good things must come to an end.

Take headphones and listen to your own!

What's the point? OP could do that at home!

100%
Tesco seemed to have upped the volume on their horrible tinny music, to the extent that our closest big store is hellish noisy now. I hate going in there.
Every Open Day, School Fete, Summer Fair or Show, has to be blasting music, I feel I have to get away from it, so I just avoid stuff like that now.
Why do people suddenly think that what they want trumps everyone else?
Bugger off with your damn noise!

Or you do it the 10year old way, and in the night you creep into the living room, and scratch that CD bugger to death. Then tip toe back to bed and have a secret chuckle at the mystery that awaits everyone the next morning.

mwah ha ha ha

Don't go. You're only going to spoil it for everyone else.

You must have such a sheltered life, that a playlist is causing this must upset.

you clearly don’t like this ‘friend’. It feels like a you problem.

2nd this. Create a reunion play list that everyone can add too.

Or take an alexa, connect to the WiFi and ask her to play 7os music, 8os, dance anthems etc etc

Suggest the playlist is made collaborative so you can all add to it as its for you all to listen to and save her doing all the work (Aren't you do thoughtful!). If she doesn't want everyone adding to that particular list she can import her efforts into a new one you can all add to or just start over 😊

It seems odd that there is no desire to accommodate your dislike, OP. Are there other signs that you are not so in tune with the group, or that they are not so keen on you being a part of it? Is there a history of people being frozen out or scapegoated or the like?

Are they drunk by the time the singing starts? Are you all drunk?

What are the other 8 of you doing whilst the 2 hour duet is going on? Watching in silence?

I also think your feelings towards the playlist are just a sign that you're not feeling the group any more.
If you feel part of a group you love the songs playing while you're with them become songs you love.
Instead, you've described the opposite: song you used to like that are playing when you're with them have become songs you can't stand.
I rekon that's because you actually don't enjoy spending time with this group any more. Changing the playlist isn't going to change that.

What type of music do you like @BlankTrust ?

This would be my idea of hell. One of my closest friends has very different taste in music to mine but she would never inflict it on me for hours at a stretch and neither would I.
You can't tune out irritating music. I worked at a place that aired a local commercial station, every few minutes it was " the reflex" or some other awful shite from the 80's.
Personally I wouldn't go but I would explain my reasons for not going. If they are good friends they will understand.

Two hours of the music cranked up with 2 people singing so loud that conversation is impossible is beyond mildly irritating.

Surely you can put up with a bit of music you don't like for a couple of days. What a fuss about nothing. Either put up with it, or stay at home.

OP as you mention George Michael, I'm wondering if the Playlist is made up of popular songs from the time you were at uni with your friends? Might that be why everyone likes it and some sing along loudly - because it's oldies from the old days when you were students together? Many (most?) people do have a soft spot for that sort of nostalgia.

Perhaps the other 8 like her choices? I couldn’t get worked up over this, instead I’d be contacting the play list setter with suggestions though do make sure they are not too “out there” I can manage George Michael as background music (not my personal taste but inoffensive) but hours of dance music, Ibiza club classics etc would send me to the nearest pub!

Nice thought to make a playlist. The thing about old friends and being 50 is that you should also be able to say to them to give the music a rest for a bit. If you can't then you or they still have some growing up to do.

If there are 10 people and 9 are happy then unfortunately you need to just suck it up. It’s just music for a couple of hours not the end of the world.

I think this is a bit OTT. Maybe just be honest, say I know it’s a kind thing to do, but I don’t like your taste in music, can we all contribute some songs to the next play list? If she says no, stop going on these breaks if they annoy you so much. Does seem a minor thing to get annoyed about to be honest.

I feel your pain here but also worry I can be a bit like your friend with the playlist so I can see both sides. Some people don't seem to mind what's playing and some people really do. But if you are going to be DJ then you have to include music everyone likes. Make your own playlist that people can add to and say we'll save George Michael for later (I think the singing is par for the course and you have to put up with it) and if people really object and will only listen to said playlist then something really odd is going on and I would also struggle to attend future events.

I can see your point in some ways...I love music and would be irritated by someone dominating the soundtrack to a shared weekend away, particularly if a lot of it was crap.
Not sure I'd make a deal of it though...I'd probably just let the person get on with it and stay quietly annoyed. UNLESS they pissed me off in other ways,THEN it might become a bigger issue.

I'm sensing some dislike of this friend.