To think this is actually selfish behaviour and not thoughtful?

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There is a group of us who’ve known each other since university. We are scattered all over now but try and meet up around twice a year, usually hiring a villa/cottage somewhere and having a few days to chill and catch up.

One friend has taken to making a music play list for us. This is lauded by everyone as being a kind and thoughtful thing to do. I cannot stand it. Cannot stand it. It was maybe fine the first time but it is actually now putting me off going on any further holidays.

The playlist is extensive but obvious centred around my friend’s tastes, which are not mine. It is fine as background music but we inevitably end up spending the last couple of hours of every evening with the music turned up and two of my friends signing along so loudly that the rest of us are unable to have a conversation.

I have raised this both with my friend and with my other friends. I have been told very firmly that my friend has done a kind and generous thing making this playlist, and we should all be grateful. I appear to be the sole person amongst the 10 of us who has any objection to this.

AIBU or is this actually selfish and not generous behaviour? We have began to discuss booking our next holiday once the kids are back to school after the summer but it is putting me off going.

My friend is a kind and generous woman in many ways and our children are very close to each other, so I don’t want to create bad feeling, but this is really spoiling the holiday for me.

We are all in our 50s and have done these holidays for many, many years but it’s only in the past two years or so that the famous playlist has been introduced.

You asked everyone for top 10.
You understand this is different to OP's situation?

YANBU OP. I would feel the same. But unless you actually speak to the person making the play list then nothing will change. If she is a good friend then she should be willing to listen to you.

Maybe they just dont want to upset the applecart.
2 hours of caterwauling to music every night would do me in.
Maybe OP could form a breakaway group from those who think they should be on Top of the Pops 😆

I feel like every gathering like this has a ‘playlist bore’. How much of the weekend does it really occupy? If it’s a couple of hours out of an otherwise good weekend I’d just grit my teeth and get on with it, as it seems everyone else enjoys it. Could you tell them that you struggle with the volume and then maybe at least they will keep the music quieter until the warbling begins?

Just ask her on the group chat to add x and y songs to the playlist? Little by little you can add more.

I do this !

I really think my taste in music is just right and exactly what my friends want to listen to/dance to/ sing along with.

Im indulged for a wee while then they take back control and play what they want and life goes on without my soundtrack 😊

Maybe have a shared playlist and all add in your own song choices so it isn’t one person’s taste.

I do not understand why the others keep gushing about how kind she is being. Since when has choosing music that you like become a chore?

Send her some suggestions ffs

Tbf, I wouldn't fancy spending all weekend listening to someone else's music that I really couldn't stand regardless of how much I liked them.

If she’s a long time friend, surely you can take the piss out of her, have a laugh about her being a control freak, dramatically groan about her playing Last Christmas in August again etc until she lets you play something different just for once. She might start getting the hint…

Surely if there are 10 of you - you and another friend or two can sit somewhere else when the karaoke is happening? You aren't all in the same room all the time.
I would also say "Sandra, we all love your playlists so I thought this year we could all suggest a couple of songs? WDYT?"

I’d go to bed with a cuppa and a book once the wailing along to GM started.

Hones, you’ve been friends for so long that I’d have thought you could have a conversation about this?!
But pp is right. I suspect you just don’t like this friend and are fixating on the playlist to justify your disdain. You either have to suck it up, or pull the plug on the friendship(s). 🤷‍♀️

That's a great idea, but sadly I'm sure the playlist is digital.

I bet that the other 9 aren't happy. They are just milquetost.

You sound annoying.

Lol this is funny. Bonkers that your friends respond with 'this is a nice thing! Put up with it!' when you mention you don't like it. A friend would say thanks for telling me, okay, let's create a shared playlist for us all.

I am a MASSIVE music lover, it's one of the most important things in my life. Have a degree in music. Play several instruments. Absolutely besotted with my very specific taste in music. I would never insist others listen to what I like. I don't even usually take my turn with songs on a car journey as I know it's just not that appealing to everyone and it's awful having to listen to something you really hate. YANBU. This sounds like a sign of a bigger problem with your friendship group.

I would just mug off that holiday next time😎

Maybe she knows you hate George Michael and is doing it to slowly toture you on purpose. 😂

Nicely done 🤣

You will probably find that Tesco has some “quiet periods” when there is no music and the lights are dimmer.

I always go at one of those times, though as I am retired it is easy for me to do that.

You’ve done all you could. You spoke to her and to your friends and they are not listening. I think you are justified to step back and not spend as much time.

i think as friendship group it’s disrespectful that they are not listening to you at all. Everyone’s interests should be balanced. Maybe that’s a sign how they value your friendship.

I do have sympathy.

I love rock / indie music. Also pop.

All my friends are into dance / techno / happy hardcore type stuff.

I can’t stand nights where music is involved becuase this is music that I just cannot dance / sing along to.

i would have thought George Michael is fairly middle of the road though, it seems extreme to not be able to p it up with that. Is it just the music or are you just annoyed at her in general?

either way though, no, I don’t see making a playlist as a particularly generous thing to do.

i would either go and just go to bed when the music goes on loud, or tell her you can’t stand it and ask if you can contribute.

The others think its kind and generous because they enjoy it and appreciate the effort that's adding to their pleasure.
You're the one out of step here, because you don't enjoy whats been prepared. Doesn't make it any less generous though. A bit like if one of you cooked a meal for everyone, that was their own favourite food, it wouldn't make them selfish just because one person didn't like the food.
I think as you're the minority you don't get the say, so if it's intolerable, you'll have to go to bed early.