Partner trying to tell me what to wear!! HELP

[Overstimulatedmam]

Hey everyone, AIBU to think my partner is being controlling by pressuring me into wearing a bikini into the pool. I have 3 kids never wore a bikini in public even before said kids. I’m just not comfortable!

I have worn a bikini in front of my partner on a secluded breaks.. he told me I looked great and I was happy with that.. now he wants me to wear them to bring our kids swimming. I told him no that I’d be wearing a one piece and he keeps banging on about why won’t I wear the bikini even tho I’ve told him MULTIPLE times if not HUNDREDS times that I’m just not comfortable with that. I have wobbly bits and stretch marks for reference! The reason I’m even saying that is because he constantly comments on other women’s bodies things like “ jeez she could do with going to the gym” or “ oh god look at the kangaroo pouch on her” 😡😡😡 take in mind I have a “kangaroo pouch” after birthing his children 2 of whom were c-section deliveries! I told him it sickens me to hear him talking about women like that and he wonders why I’m not comfortable! The fuckin oil painting himself! ANYWAY…

He gets so so annoyed with me over this literally badgers me and huffs and puffs.. it quite literally starts arguments. Usually I just keep a cool head a leave him have his fit/ignore him but Tonight it came to a head (he brought it up when I was hangry🫣) so he suggested swimming tomorrow to which I said ok.. and then starting about the bikini.. I finally snapped and said “ what is your obsession with me wearing a bikini?? I’m not going to wear something I’m not comfortable in just to please you” I also said that I felt he was controlling and that it was extremely weird behaviour” but get this…

he starts fucking crying!! Now I’m the big bad Wolfe because I continue to refuse to give in to his relentless demands and because I’ve used words like controlling and weird.. by the way this is only one of those demands he tells me what underwear I should wear, what leggings what fucking socks.. so ladies give it to me straight am I the dickhead here or is he!

if you got this far your a legend ❤️ this is my first ever post I know it’s long so thank you x

What is the MATTER with these men? Are they all fucked in the head? Do they ever think about anything else but their sexual wants??
You are not his Barbie doll, op.
Stand up for yourself.
As for the crying…pathetic.

Hahaha brilliant! Thing is he’d ask me if I’d taking my meds if I done that.. call me unhinged! I could see it now 😂.. I suffer with depression/anxiety so if I act any way aggressive (have a strong opinion) for example cutting up a bikini to prove a point he would go check to see if I’d taken my meds! 🙄🙄

I don’t know why you’re making light of it, he sounds like a pig. Why are you with him?

I would just take the crying over the controlling to
be honest let him blub away

At least you know it works

Everytime he starts go “nah nah controlling remember”

he might get the message
might

I mean he sounds well at best just boring

I’m with him a long time and got pregnant very quickly about 3 months in so I never experienced it before the kids.. before this relationship I was in an extremely violent relationship so I guess when he did start talking like this I was still in the mindset of “well he doesn’t hit me or verbally abuse me” it’s just comments through the years and your right he has shown me who he really is in the grand scheme of things but then there’s always the good I hold onto.. I guess it’s harder to leave when everything is so intertwined, kids,house, finances. I’ll just keep pulling him on his BS! Also I have suggested numerous times that he go to speak to someone.

Have you ever thought that HE could be the reason for the depression/anxiety?

Of all the things to argue about! HE sounds unhinged!

Could he possibly want a trophy wife? Is he a show-off generally?

He sounds awful op. Why are you even with him?

I have also stood my ground on this ❤️ although I do wear the gym shark leggings he bought me but only because I like them x

You're in another abusive controlling relationship with this man, who thinks its ok to tell you what to wear - ltb ASAP

chritrup I completely agree! Sometimes it just clarifies things when you hear complete strangers give their honest opinion and it makes me feel less mental… he has a habit of calling me that when I’m calling him on his BS, that, or he starts crying.. I have told him he’s narcissistic and that gaslighting me won’t work that he needs to stop playing the victim and stop the need for control!

Wow I have never seen 100% yanbu before

Girl you living the dream ❤️ and when u do find someone don’t EVER settle x

He sounds delightful.

Do your kids a favour and get rid.

That is coercive control and his emotions are designed to make you go against your instincts and back down to a point where you will regret the whole thing and feel uncomfortable and he wins.

Who in the right mind would make their partner feel so bad they feel ashamed of themselves just to please his selfish ways, he is not caring about how tou feel.

This is why I am telling you this is coercive control, stay strong, you got this.

Do not fall for it, stay firm, say NO.

I suppose I’ve grown up with him in a sense and had a relationship previous to this that was extremely violent.. lucky I escaped with my life violent so when I met him he seemed so normal.. and because he didn’t hit me or verbally abuse me I thought he was amazing🫣 it’s only maybe the last 2/3 years I’m like hold the fuck up what is this bullshit.. along with the usual house,finances, kids🫣 nothing seems straight forward yanno 💐

Run, don't walk. And don't look back.

@Overstimulatedmam so what’s your thoughts on why he wants to parade you round in a bikini and wear the latest fashion (Nike socks over leggings etc..)?

I've been married 36 years and not once has my DH ever told me what to wear or what not to wear. That is controlling behaviour and so is the crying (emotional blackmail)

You need to recognise this for what it is. And get out before it gets any worse. And his comments about other women? Misogynistic prick!

I agree that is the thing I’m not going to back myself up here either I do need to leave. Thing is we do have a 7 year old daughter and I would HATE for her to ever feel like I do for even half a second.. shit.. I really need to start planning and get my ducks in a row.. he’s clever though he had this house before we met, he has this and most of his machinery in his mothers name!!

Maybe buy him a Barbie doll and see if that gets it out of his system.

Oh yeah 😹 the socks over the leggings fashion. Apparently according to a few things I saw/heard on Social media some men find that sexy lollll.

You're not a dolly to dress up as boyo wants.
The crying bit ,screams manipulative pathetic fucker.

My opinion is that he fancies other women wearing these and wants me to copy to maybe find me more attractive.. I also think he likes to show me off like some sort of doll but that’s not who I am.. he’s shallow and I’m not. Also I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing a bikini just so other “men” could look.. if I want to feel sexy and dress sexy then I’ll do that for myself or for my partner only not for other men like I feel he wants me to

There is a very good chance you won't need the meds if you stopped being with him. Too many women take drugs to stay in a bad relationship rather than leave, which is incredibly sad.

Once you've been in one abusive relationship you have a higher chance of getting into another abusive relationship. It might be different eg from physical to coercive or sexual abuse, but it is still abuse. Do the Freedom Programme so you can avoid being in a third, and I say third because in doing the Programme you will realise how bad this man really is. He is coercive, bullying, manipulative and controlling. Get out while you can.