Partner trying to tell me what to wear!! HELP

[Overstimulatedmam]

Hey everyone, AIBU to think my partner is being controlling by pressuring me into wearing a bikini into the pool. I have 3 kids never wore a bikini in public even before said kids. I’m just not comfortable!

I have worn a bikini in front of my partner on a secluded breaks.. he told me I looked great and I was happy with that.. now he wants me to wear them to bring our kids swimming. I told him no that I’d be wearing a one piece and he keeps banging on about why won’t I wear the bikini even tho I’ve told him MULTIPLE times if not HUNDREDS times that I’m just not comfortable with that. I have wobbly bits and stretch marks for reference! The reason I’m even saying that is because he constantly comments on other women’s bodies things like “ jeez she could do with going to the gym” or “ oh god look at the kangaroo pouch on her” 😡😡😡 take in mind I have a “kangaroo pouch” after birthing his children 2 of whom were c-section deliveries! I told him it sickens me to hear him talking about women like that and he wonders why I’m not comfortable! The fuckin oil painting himself! ANYWAY…

He gets so so annoyed with me over this literally badgers me and huffs and puffs.. it quite literally starts arguments. Usually I just keep a cool head a leave him have his fit/ignore him but Tonight it came to a head (he brought it up when I was hangry🫣) so he suggested swimming tomorrow to which I said ok.. and then starting about the bikini.. I finally snapped and said “ what is your obsession with me wearing a bikini?? I’m not going to wear something I’m not comfortable in just to please you” I also said that I felt he was controlling and that it was extremely weird behaviour” but get this…

he starts fucking crying!! Now I’m the big bad Wolfe because I continue to refuse to give in to his relentless demands and because I’ve used words like controlling and weird.. by the way this is only one of those demands he tells me what underwear I should wear, what leggings what fucking socks.. so ladies give it to me straight am I the dickhead here or is he!

if you got this far your a legend ❤️ this is my first ever post I know it’s long so thank you x

He sounds like a twat OP.

Is he controlling in other ways too??

He’s a nasty abusive little cunt and you need to put yourself first and line your ducks up and leave him or chuck the arsehole out!!

I think you already know that he is a creepy, manipulative, misogynist bellend.

He’s being controlling. My husband and I have had rows about what Im wearing/not wearing over the years. I just stand my ground. But it’s upsetting, he’s got better as he’s got older, not great though.

You're completely right OP and I'm so glad you can see how controlling he is being, as it can be difficult to recognise in your own relationship.
Ignore the crying. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on if he is controlling in other ways and think about what you want to do about it. I'm guessing he's a twat in general with the way that he speaks about women!
I am intrigued about which socks he wants you to wear?

The crying is manipulation so you’ll just give in. Please be careful. My friend’s ex started like that, when she stood her ground he tried other tactics including violence. Hopefully yours won’t get to that point, but he’s showed you who he is. Be careful and see this for what it is - control. It isn’t him having a bad day or you being hangry. He’s misogynistic and creepy commenting on women’s bodies, who does he think he is to judge you and anyone else? I’d get out now tbh, I can’t imagine this is a great example of a man for your kids to see and he must be miserable to live with.

That’s not right OP. I would say LTB but that’s not going to be a picnic either. I don’t have advice only support. He needs to go to husband boot camp, if only such a thing existed.

yes doesn’t like me drinking/going out said I get too “hyper” I told him he’s allergic to fun!

by the way this is only one of those demands he tells me what underwear I should wear, what leggings what fucking socks.
I hope you have told him no to doing this as well or have you gone along with it to keep the peace. I hope not.

It can be painful to realise your partner is a dick, but unfortunately your partner is a dick. Read your post back to yourself as if someone else has posted it; what would you be advising them to do?

I’m not one of the LTB brigade but in this instance, I’m not sure I could tolerate this total nonsense.

I am SO glad I'm single. The thought of having to spend even five minutes with a prick like this makes my blood run cold.

If he is so desperate for someone to wear a bikini, offered to buy him one. But otherwise he needs to shut up.

He's controlling and manipulative. Crying because he didn't get his way, is he a toddler?

He wants you in a bikini to do later what he does to other women, neg their bodies. Don't wear a bikini for him. Throw it away or donate and wear what you're comfortable in.

Since he's controlling about your drinking and going out, I'd be on the path to leaving and divorce. He wants a wifebot who will do what he says. He has less than zero consideration for your feelings and body autonomy.

by the way this is only one of those demands he tells me what underwear I should wear, what leggings what fucking socks.

He's a misogynist and I hope you don't have daughters because he'll do this to them too. Do you want to model such a controlling relationship to your kids as something they would be happy emulating?

Oh I can see straight through his controlling ways he hasn’t manipulated me in that sense!! I detest how he speaks about women and I’m not shy about pointing that out either.. I’d often say things like “ funny thing is she probably wouldn’t touch you” he seems to quiten for a bit then.. He wants me to wear the Nike socks over the leggings and is persistent about it!! It’s fuckin ridiculous 😂 I’m an ankle sock girly always was not gonna change now

I think I'd have given him a metaphoric kick up the arse! No, you aren't being unreasonable at all. If you're uncomfortable wearing a bikini, and would rather wear a one-piece, that's absolutely your choice. He may very well think you look fabulous in a bikini, but it doesn't give him the right to make demands. If he's also trying to tell you what underwear to wear or other clothing, then yes, it's controlling. Not his body, not his choice.

As for crying that's ridiculous and a rather pathetic attempt at making you feel guilty/sorry for him, and going along with his demands.

Buy him a mankini and insist he wears it swimming, and keep going on and on about it!!

why haven’t you left? what a pathetic waste of a human he is!

I'd be telling him that in future every time he tells me what to wear or what to do I'll be doing the opposite.
How dare he go around criticising other women's bodies and then expect you to be confident wearing a bikini.

divorce asap. This guy is an abusive controlling misogynist

OP if this is for real, you need to leave this psycho.

I take it he never made these comments before you had all the kids? What do you think has changed to make him suddenly speak like that?
I'd be sending him to the doctor if he's (presumably) gone from being a nice bloke to a creep. If he's got a condition that's suddenly made him be like this, it needs investigating-the other person I know who went from being a person worth having kids with to someone saying bad things had early onset dementia.

Tell him to fuck off and wear whatever you feel comfortable in.

He sounds absolutely vile. I hope you eventually leave the creep.

I have never met a heterosexual guy so invested in what his wife wears.

Go get the scissors and cut the damn bikini up in front of him - bikini argument over!

That’s the thing lizzbear it is upsetting isn’t it?Like I can’t wrap my head around it.. just leave me be and stop badgering me over clothes of all things!!