AIBU for refusing to reschedule my interview again for my mum?

[TooLateToChange]

I have a second interview next month for a job I am really interested in. It was originally for the week before but I had to reschedule it as my child (young adult) had a medical appointment that she wanted me to attend with her.

My mum now has a hospital appointment on the same day as the rescheduled interview that she’s asked me to take her to. I’ve said I won’t be able to take her to it as I don’t want to reschedule the interview again. She is saying that if I can reschedule it for my child, I should be willing to do it for her. I don’t think that’s the same and also this would mean rescheduling for a second time which doesn’t look good. The hospital appointment isn’t for anything overly serious but she is worried about it. I’ve asked her to ask my brother or a friend to go with her. It’s nothing personal so they would be just as much help as I could be.

AIBU to not reschedule the interview again?

Your Mum is being extraordinarily selfish. Is she usually like this? She sounds insufferably self-absorbed. Please don’t postpone again.

Ask her to use her phone to record the meeting.

Definitely YANBU

Don’t cancel for this as it will make you look very flakey. Quite likely the job won’t reschedule again anyway.

The fact you’ve already cancelled once is a reason not to do it again, not a reason to do so.

And a child (even an adult child) is vastly different to a parent, especially when the parent has other options.

Your mum is being completely unreasonable you need to set proper afult boundaries with her or this will only get worse as she ages.

This - once is fine, but if you have so many ‘family commitments’ you cannot make the interview twice, they will make inferences and it could damage your chances. Sadly, according a newspaper article today, women really do pay a parent tax when it comes to employment opportunities. Suggest she reschedules her appointment instead or takes someone else.

I can’t imagine they’d think you a good prospective employee if you reschedule your interview a second time. Your mum is being ridiculous.

I wouldn't have rescheduled it for an adult child either (obviously depending if they have additional needs/it's very serious) so your mum might feel that if hers is potentially serious, then there is no difference.
But it's true that missing an interview might well be a red flag for employers, especially in this economy.

Have you actually spoken to your mum @TooLateToChange and actually told her how important this is and you can't postpone again? Surely, she will be understanding if you explain fully? You really can't miss this, it would give a very bad impression if you postponed twice. Surely, your mother would understand?

In that situation my Mum wouldn’t even have asked.

This ^

I'm wondering if the OP has told her mum at all.

And why couldn't/can't mum rearrange her hospital appointment?

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be considering you after the first reschedule, and I would probably only be seeing you out of courtesy.

Reschedule a second time and you have shown that work is far too low down your list of priorities, whether you can help it or not. I definitely would retract the offer of an interview, even if you subsequently said you could attend.

I can’t believe your mum said that if you could reschedule for your DD, how could reschedule for her. As though she’s ranking you all, and putting you at the bottom! Every day MN brings me a wtf moment.

Is your Mum always this self-centered?

We have had this with mum. YADNBU. She can reschedule the hospital appointment if it is v important to her that you come, especially if it's not urgent.

Also, voice of experience: you need to have some boundaries on this topic. This situation will happen over and over, especially if you never say no.

DSis and I have had to explain to mum that if she wants / needs us at something she needs to check we can do it first because we have things we can't move.

Totally agree with you. I would not inconvenience my adult children.
OP, if you reschedule you won’t get the job.
Of course your children are always more important than your parents.

Did you ever refuse though and point out to your mum that she has four sons to ask?

Does your mum have a history of controlling and jealous behaviour?
I have adult children I can't imagine asking the to reschedule an interview to take me anywhere.
She is being extremely self centred

Weird.. I could never put myself before what was best for my dd. How selfish, and she knows full well you taking her is not the same as putting your own child first.

YANBU. Sounds as if your Mum has others she can ask. The company may not even agree to reschedule a second time but if they did they may count it against you when it comes to their scoring at interview.

If you try to reschedule again I suspect you won't even get the interview. It just looks massively flaky and they don't know you at all so have no reason not to go with that first impression.

It would have to be a hospital appointment for me or a family member who was very seriously ill and didn't have other options for me to consider it.

I couldn’t agree more. My Dad yesterday accused me of “abandoning” him (quote) as he’d decided he wanted to go shopping - my mind reading skills failed me and I went for coffee with the girls (well iced smoothies lol) after my joint pain clinic (if any men had been present they've been welcome!). I got back to his house around 3. The shop shuts at midnight (supermarket)

He needed milk - he only had 8l in the fridge - yes 8 litres (2 x 4 litre containers) - he likes to have 12l at any given time 🤷

he looked shocked when I pointed out it hardly constituted an emergency

they book appts I have to take them to without checking with me and then looked shocked when I have to rearrange

OP don’t reschedule but I hear you on your Mum

You might as well kiss the job goodbye if you reschedule a second time. Your mum is very selfish.

Your mum can reschedule or go with someone else!

If she isn't taking no for an answer then tell her you asked and they refused?

Yanbu