AIBU for refusing to reschedule my interview again for my mum?

[TooLateToChange]

I have a second interview next month for a job I am really interested in. It was originally for the week before but I had to reschedule it as my child (young adult) had a medical appointment that she wanted me to attend with her.

My mum now has a hospital appointment on the same day as the rescheduled interview that she’s asked me to take her to. I’ve said I won’t be able to take her to it as I don’t want to reschedule the interview again. She is saying that if I can reschedule it for my child, I should be willing to do it for her. I don’t think that’s the same and also this would mean rescheduling for a second time which doesn’t look good. The hospital appointment isn’t for anything overly serious but she is worried about it. I’ve asked her to ask my brother or a friend to go with her. It’s nothing personal so they would be just as much help as I could be.

AIBU to not reschedule the interview again?

Dont reschedule, that’s ridiculous! Your mum is being very self centred

She can take your brother or a friend, if you reschedule again you may not get another opportunity

I think you might find you miss out on the opportunity. Whenever I’ve hosted interviews there’s been set days, rooms booked out etc. if you can’t fit into any of the dates offered the likelihood is we couldn’t interview you. I’d also question a potentially flaky individual given numerous rebooking. You really need to explain it cannot be rescheduled, lie if need be and say it’s that slot or nothing. She has others she can rely on for the appointment

I agree with you, you shouldn’t reschedule for the second time. Your mum will have to go with someone else or in a taxi and you can go to hers in the evening to discuss the appointment

I don't think I would of rescheduled once if I wanted the job

It is fine to ask your brother or someone else, ignore her go to the interview don't even engage with her anymore about it.

She is saying that if I can reschedule it for my child, I should be willing to do it for her

She’s wrong. To be unpleasantly blunt, child trumps parent for most people surely?

Also she’s not asking for the same thing that you did for your child. For your child you rearranged an interview. Your mum is asking you to rearrange it again, which would look a lot worse.

You have a brother, so she can go and guilt trip him!

I wouldn’t reschedule a second time. I get your daughter the first time, but I’d think flaky if you came back to reschedule again for a different reason. It’s hard to line people up for interviews

Don't reschedule. Your mum is being ridiculous. That you think she might not be suggests she is always like this unfortunately. Of course your child gets more of you than your parent does. The relationship is supposed to be parent supports/scaffolds/helps child and honestly not equally the other way round. This is presumably partly what she didn't understand when she was bringing you up!

Call me ageist ( I am 65 if that helps) , but my own experience of elderly parents & in-laws is that they honestly believe their needs trump everything else.

Your mum is being very selfish, tell her to ask someone else.

Good luck with the interview!

YANBU. Rescheduling a second time would give a terrible impression. Once could be accepted as unfortunate, twice would have a potential employer thinking you're too distracted by caring responsibilities to focus on their business.

It's not a matter of caring for the child more than your mum. If I'd already rescheduled once for my child's medical appointment then I'd do everything I could to avoid doing so a second time, even for the same person.

Gosh no- she needs another option- even a booked taxi. Or to ring and ask to move her appointment- this is often an option and often only pushes it back a week or so.

It was risky to reschedule the interview once! Twice would give us serious worries about whether someone could be at work as needed if we offered.

Good grief. My auntie is 97, lives alone and gets herself to her own appointments. Your mother is being far too dependent, given that this isn't an appointment for something serious.

And yes, I'm occasionally involved in recruitment, and I'd not be at all impressed by a further postponement. It's difficult getting the interviewing team together when each has a busy calendar, and it also means that other interviewees are inconvenienced by having to wait longer to hear whether it not they've been successful.

If I was the employer, I would see this as you being unreliable and I certainly wouldn’t give you the job

Of course you can’t reschedule again! Your mum is being very selfish!

Interesting about elderly parents believing their needs trump others - I've had a couple of elderly relatives who've gone entirely the other way and refuse to tell you even when they've been lying on the floor for hours.

Anyway OP no of course you're not being unreasonable. Interested about the brother thing - does she default to you rather than him? I would nip that in the bud - work with him to make sure you share the load evenly, do not put up with her nonsense.

YMIBU
What sort of emotional blackmail is this

rescheduling once is mostly acceptable, rescheduling twice will be seen as flakey

Just tell your mum you tried to change the interview date and was refused.

They will think you are an unreliable flake if you reschedule again.

If you reschedule again you might as well cancel the interview because you won't be getting the job.
No employer is going to put up with this level of flakiness. (You aren't being flaky but it will look like this). I wouldn't employ you if did this because I'd assume a) that you weren't really interested in the job and b) you'd be constantly wanting time off to take relatives to medical appointments.

Tell your mum no and that's the end of it.

I dont think you should have rescheduled for the first time so definitely not unreasonable to say no to a second.

Your mum is being selfish and in my opinion totally out of order to try and manipulate you this way. If this is her usual behaviour it might be time to look at how you manage the relationship.

You’ll never get the job if you reschedule again so either go as scheduled or cancel.

Your mum
needs to understand that you don’t have unlimited time and need to be strategic about when you help her. She needs to either be independent or rely on someone else

I don't think this helps for future situations. Its best to be upfront about boundaries and what we are and are not willing to tolerate.

Also, I would not be willing to lie in this situation. I'd rather tell the truth and keep my integrity than molly coddle a grown adult who should behave better.

I wouldnt bother going to the reschedualed interview that you cancelled to take an ADULT child to a Drs appointment. The way the jobs market is at the moment im sure there will be people interviewing without the baggage, I CHILD yes but ADULT not unless it was an emergency.

Yeah but depending on OP’s age, it might not be clear she was talking about an adult child. I doubt she said “can we reschedule, I need to take my adult child to a medical appointment”, because that’s a weird thing to say. She probably said “I need to take my son/daughter to a medical appointment”.