Headteacher criticised my daughter's water bottle

[Suchevilforebodings]

Slightly annoyed at my DD's headteacher. She is 8 and in Y3

I packed her bag yesterday morning and noticed as I filled up her water bottle that it was leaking from the lid. Grabbed another only to see it was split down the side. Annoying but one of those things.
When dropping her off at school, we popped into the local shop next door and grabbed her a large plastic bottle of water with a spout lid.

She came home from school yesterday and said that her headteacher, when visiting the classroom, had picked up her bottle from in front of her and told the whole class that this kind of bottle was "very bad" as it "ends up in the ocean and kills sea turtles" and a "proper" water bottle is much better to bring into school.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

I get that the head isn't actually wrong, and I wouldn't normally buy bottled water but it was a "needs must" situation.

Was this an appropriate way to bring it up?

No, how utterly ridiculous and clumsy of the Head - is she usually like that? I would be very annoyed indeed.

The message was absolutely correct and I doubt that the headteacher personalised it at your daughter and actually accused her personally of killing turtles.

However I do understand how she could take it that way if she is sensitive, but the best thing that you do is agree with the message and congratulate your daughter on the fact they you actually don't normally use these bottles and forget about it.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

Just put her straight and make sure she knows the HT didn't say her one bottle is going to personally kill turtles.

And of course make sure she knows she's not in trouble.

The HT worded an important message in a clumsy way so I'd use the opportunity to point out that adults don't always get it right.

Ridiculous of the HT to do that to an 8 year old in a heat wave.

The HT humiloated the child in front of her peers. I think it was poor form. That's a message given in assembly in a generalised way.

Such a shame she delivered such an important message this way! Hopefully you can provide some reassurance to your daughter.

I hate stuff like this. It's like, we buy a bottle of water and then we put it in the recycling. We pay our taxes for the council to remove it responsibly. And make it into something else? Or sell it to someone who will. If it ends up in the ocean it's hardly the consumer's fault?

Well, ideally consumers wouldn't be the ones responsible for how the world works but we do need to take individual responsibility too.

Yes the head could have been a bit more sensible and it was a shame your DD was the example, but her message was spot on and will hopefully make an impact.

I was like your DD when younger and tbh I wish someone had helped me to toughen up a bit and learn to roll with the punches, fail more and do better. Having zero criticism - and learning how to deal with it - is actually not that helpful long term IMO, I'm not massively resilient or good at coping with failure.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

Whilst I think the head could have been more sensitive herself, I do think at 8 your daughter is quite extraordinarily sensitive to be upset to this degree. It's amazing she has got to year 3 without ever being told off, and I do think as a life skill she needs to learn to roll with the punches a little more, the real world is going to hit her hard at some point otherwise.

It's a he, btw :)

He's new to the school this year, and I don't know if he's trying to make a firm impression or assert himself or something but a few people have said he is a bit gung-ho about some things. A few people have said he apparently made a Y5 cry on the first day back in September, over uniform, but tbf to him I don't know true that story is

You mentioned her sensitivity as if it’s a good quality. she must’ve been wrong sometime in her life when you or other people have told her off is it all part of growing up?

Oh she has plenty of punches to roll with at home, with big brothers :)

The HT shouldn’t be criticising 8 year olds (or any primary age children) over things like water bottles as they’re not in charge of family finances or shopping.

There’s a big difference between education and humiliation.

Well, I mentioned her being a good pupil and never being told off in school as a good thing. I'm not sure I said that being sensitive is.

ridiculous thing for a headteacher to say to a child in front of the class . I don’t blame you for being annoyed

Yes, these are my thoughts

I think even adults would take it bloody personally to be held up as a bad example, let alone a little kid!!

Not a smart thing to say, but, I wouldn't get too upset about it and would teach your daughter a little more resilience.

I agree with the head.

He didn’t personally victimise your daughter (wouldn’t have know who it belonged to) and also wouldn’t have known it’s a one-off.

I think you're right OP that the HT was clumsy here but also that PP have a point.

I don't like it when points are made by using an individual child of this age as an example - not least because for an 8 year old the water bottle they end up with in school is often not within their own control so, and it's just generally unkind to single someone out.

However, people are clumsy in making their point sometimes in life and this is something our children need to be resilient to if they are not going to have a difficult time as they grow - I was a sensitive child so I both have sympathy for your DD and appreciate that some focus on toughening up is a really valuable thing

I'm actually not sure I agree that never ever being told off is a good thing. Many very bright, generally good kids get it wrong and are told off from time to time. It's part of learning and pushing the limits. A child who is never told off suggests she is extremely compliant - not necessarily good in the grand scheme of things.

Most adults would be mortified if somebody picked up the water bottle from their desk and used it as an example with which to lecture the rest of the group. I’m not surprised a young child was upset by this. YANBU, OP.

I usually give teachers/schools the benefit of the doubt because it's an incredibly tough job with obscene amounts of pressure.

But in this instance I'd be pissed on your kids behalf. The message was delivered clumsily and used your child as an example - that's not okay, and I think any child would take that really personally. I don't agree with buying bottled water at all, but JC it was a one off and it's a legally and commonly purchased item, not bloody heroin.

I would raise it with the school, but explain to your child unfortunately we all have that one experience of a trusted adult letting us down, being unfair or wrong. It can make us feel funny and upset about ourselves for a while. It might help if you recycle the bottle together?

i agree. Very unimpressive. And I’m definitely a reusable water bottle person and feel terrible if I forget it and have to buy some.

HT is a tactless idiot. They can’t recruit any decent ones so this is what you get (am primary school teacher). Young stupid man. I’d complain and I’m very much of the ‘suck it up’ parent variety. It’s not your child’s fault!