My friend boyfriend beat her up

[Peaceofmind12]

My friend’s boyfriend of 2 month has beaten her up. She has a black eye and told me that he punched, kicked her and pulled her hair because of messages he found in her phone talking to a guy before they was together. He justified his behaviour because when they got together she told him the guy she was talking to before him was just a friend. Because she had lied he beat her up in her parents house while her toddler daughter and children siblings where in the house.

im worried about her. Hes moved into her house paying no rent, he expects her to cook and clean for him, he’s brought her new clothing that covers her and he doesn’t like her going out and checks all her messages. She has a two year old aswell and I’m worried for both of them. I’m concerned what he will do next as they are trying for a baby.

I find it so hard to sit by and watch this. She’s had a tough few years and besides this story this is not the only trauma her and her child have gone through. I can sit and be a good friend and just listen but when do I become an enabler to her child’s harm if I sit and do nothing.

Has anyone got any advice?

Do you think you would be able to get through to your friend at all? Because on every level she seems to be showing incredibly poor judgement. No one should be moving in a 2 month old relationship and trying for a baby. That's before factoring in that she already has a 2 year old. He's beaten her up 2 months in, this isn't going to get better. Her and her 2 year old are in serious danger. Can you at least convince her to stop trying for a baby?! If he's beating a girlfriend up after 2 months, more than likely he has past convictions. Help her to do a Clare's law check on him.

I’ve spoken to her time and time again about different situations. This one has shocked me so much. I used to say you have to stop before something bad happens to you or the child. The bad has happened and she’s telling me he didn’t mean and that she knows he it he won’t do it again. Social services are already involved (not for this reason) and I said you do know they can take your little one and I know she hasn’t listened

Also I don’t know how much history he has in this country. He is on a work visa so I have no idea if Claire Law would pick anything up. But besides that she’s telling me he’s a good person

Report to Social Services asap.

This is so worrying and a massive safeguarding concern. I would usually say tread carefully but as there are children involved this should definitely be reported to your local safeguarding services. They will have a duty team you can ring and discuss it with. I'm sorry to say your friend probably won't take this well at first, but those children are at serious risk of harm.
Does your friend understand the seriousness of it or is she minimising it? It would be better if she's in a place to accept support but even if she isn't I'd be ringing safeguarding services.

I'd be ringing the police and social and protecting the kids.

Call the police and report it, and to social services.

Please phone the police OP and report the incident.

Absolutely report to Social Services asap.
She's putting men ahead of her children.

You urgently need to report this to the police and social services. If not for her but for her poor kids.

Does anyone know that if I report it will they give her support first before doing anything drastic like removing her child. She already involvement with them and I know she’s a good person just lost

If it everybody’s responsibility to protect children.
you need to phone the police and report that this toddler is living in a house with domestic violence. you can remain anonymous.

with your friend presumably you’ve offered to bring her to women’s aid for advice ? Or to bring her to police to report assault ? If he’s already beating her up after two month who knows where this could end up. In the UK a woman is killed by a partner or ex-partner every 4 days.
theres no point to a Claire’s law police check here-we KNOW this man is violent.

Support is always offered first. Children are very rarely taken away from their mothers.

Report to social services as a very basic, this isn’t optional, safe guarding is everyone’s responsibility. I’d also speak to the police and see what they suggest.

If they removed her child it’s not ‘drastic’ is keeping the child safe. What’s drastic is this monster in her house

You need to worry about the kid, not put the adult first in this situation.

She is putting her child/ren in immense danger. Social services are not going to favour her if she’s willingly causing this safeguarding issue by staying with her partner.

They are already giving her support if they are involved. She needs to be guided to do the right thing. Police can arrest him, they will then send a report to social services who will support her to protect herself and her DC. They won't swoop in and take them without trying to help her first. Disclaimer, I don't know how much support they have already offered, or what stage of intervention they have reached.

OP you should report this to the police and social services. Her children are in danger, as she is too obviously. But if she chooses to keep that man in the house, over her children's safety then you really need to act if she won't. Imagine something happened to one of her children, you'd never forgive yourself.

She's an adult - she has a choice whether to be with him or not. They are vulnerable children and they don't have a choice.

Social services will offer her help and support but they can (and should) remove the children if she refuses to make him leave.

I’m worried I will report it and she will say soemthjng else happens to protect him and will shut me out because of it

It’s only been two months and shes already making excuses for him. When im with her he calls her every second and he’s at work

Do you know the biggest risk of death and harm in toddlers and babies comes from step fathers

Report - do you have the messages still? Do you have images of the bruises?

Sadly your friend is unable to see sense and protect her child so then you should step in and contact SS

Report the incident to police and notify social services ASAP. They wont remove the child as the first course of action but will see what support they can provide.

This is really serious and the child is in real danger.

Even if it were true that he "didn't mean it" (it's not - you don't beat someone up by accident), you need to look at the impact, not intention.

Don’t tell her it was you reporting her. But also, safeguarding the child is the priority… you need to do it.

The child is the most vulnerable one here.
Put them first. Even if it means the end of your friendship
This guy sounds dangerous. Very dangerous. If this kid ends up on the news and you hadn't at least tried, you'd never forgive yourself.

Your friend is putting a piece of shit she's known 5 minutes above her child. You need to try to be the parent she is failing to be.

Why do you care more about her shutting you out than the safety of her kids? Those children are the most important thing here, not you.