AIBU to stop unannounced visits after overhearing cruel comments in my garden?

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Dh has 2 dd from his previous marriage. They are 16 and 18. I’ve always thought I got on well with both.
He sees them very regularly and they often just pop round whenever they fancy as well as the arranged times when they stay.

It’s relevant to include that dsd2 is in recovery for an eating disorder.

It’s been hot and I’ve been relaxing in the garden some days in a bikini (recently lost weight in jabs so was feeling quite confident). Yesterday they came over (not planned) and I heard them laughing at me from the kitchen and saying maybe it’s not a good thing I’ve lost weight if I’m going to start dressing differently and showing off loose skin. I don’t think they realised I could hear ?

Anyway I got up and went inside , said nothing and was thinking to myself how funny it’ll be when they are my age and look like this they’ll probably remember making bitchy comments. Dsd2 said hello and I said hi back, she said they were going to sit outside with a drink did I want anything I said no thanks I’m just going to put a dress on , cover up these wobbly bits and loose skin and smirked. She looked a bit shocked probably realising I’d heard her.

Next thing I know as I’m getting changed the door slams , I went down and nobody was there . Half an hour later dh calls me to ask why the hell i was talking about weight and smirking at dsd2 and apparently looking her up and down ???!!!

I told him what had happened and he said he will have to get their side of the story. Well of course I know dsd1 will back up what dsd2 is saying. I’m just really disappointed with them and I didn’t do anything wrong! AIBU to say to dh that there are no more unannounced visits after this - I should be able to sit in my garden in a bikini and not feel laughed at?

I can see that for some posters here, the entitlement of the SDs to visit the OPs house and behave disrespectfully to the OP when their father isn't even there seems to outweigh the OP's own right to feel comfortable and choose who and what she tolerates in her own home.

Regardless of her reaction, the OP has feelings and rights too!

Well she put herself in the position of wicked SM by the way she dealt with them and by trying to bar them from her house.

If she’d just risen above the whole thing we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

So it’s 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

I suspect she didn’t and they are just playing people. The fact she’s now too distressed to talk about it suggests she knows full well she was caught out making bitchy comments and is avoiding daddy because he knows what really happened.

It's nothing to do with that, it's about OP getting into a skirmish with teenagers. Had she said 'I heard that', or called them out in a reasonable way, nobody would have told her she was wrong. Instead, she reacted with a passive aggressive comment, a smirk and thoughts of revenge in stopping them visting.

The house is no longer yours, OP, you should have considered that before you got married, it's now yours - plural and your husband has pre-existing children.

That's not to say the girls weren't rude - they were and they're old enough to know better, I don't buy the 'thoughtless teenagers' excuse either. However, that's not the way to deal with it. OP is not a teenager in an American teen movie where we all cheer when the bitches get outbitched.

Well of course they lied. OP has said they’ve given their dad the impression that OP did what she did out of the blue and unprovoked. That wasn’t the case - she was responding to what she overheard them say. I think it’s pretty naive to think that DSD2 didn’t perfectly understand that from what OP said, given that she was the one who made the remark.

I understand why post jab loose skin would seem funny to teens.

You are the adult - yes they were unpleasant but one of them has an eating disorder and smirking at her would only be interpreted one way.

Yur repsonse is to stop them coming over and visitng their Dad as teens - because your feelings were hurt - seriously you ahve over reacted.

An adult would tell them you heard their comments and were upset - not take the piss with a child with an eating disorder and then ban them from their father.

You make a good point. Girl has her own insecurities and projected what op said on herself. But is it not ironic she is insecure about her body but thinks it’s okay to make fun of others.

Now is the point when they all should have a conversation, where op should accepted she felt hurt by her comments and conveyed it indirectly but can now see that it would have better to handle it directly and the 16 year old would also learn a lesson that it’s not okay to make fun of others.

thats the thing unless you could record the conversations then its you vs them

She's had treatment for an eating disorder.
Do you think she jumped on your comment as a reaction to her eating problem ?

You were there? You know the OP?

Nope - random online poster who may or may not be telling the whole story.

A manipulative teenager who has a love/hate relationship with a step parent can think and misread all sorts of things into their behaviour (of the step parent). The smirking was literally the only thing OP did wrong. These young women didn’t expect to be called out on what they said by their stepmum and that’s why they rushed to daddy to lie as they knew they’d said something nasty and been called out on it. Words and actions have consequences and they should know this by now.

I’d be very surprised if OP hasn’t been supportive and kind (along with the rest of the family) about her stepdaughter’s eating disorder.

And it’s nothing to do with being a step mum or her DH having pre-existing children either, but it doesn’t stop posters from implying it. This isn’t about OP being a step parent - she’s opened up her home to them to the point where they both have house keys and come and go as they please, even when DH isn’t there. That’s a privilege, not a right. And they’ve abused that privilege not once, but twice - firstly in making the fat shaming comment and then by lying about it. At no point did OP she wanted to stop the girls from visiting - just not unannounced and not while DH wasn’t there. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, at least for a while, to teach these two girls that actions have consequences.

It may simply be that OP’s behaviour distressed her.

So you’d seriously believe 2 teenagers with a possible axe to grind against the step mum?

Not all step mothers are wicked like Snow White’s one.

Why? Why do you understand what teens may find funny? Are you a teen?
Also, why is it funny explain that please. Is blindness or a person having ticks also funny to teens?
Is it not same as saying I would understand how jumping on people would appeal to dogs. Teach your teens like you expect dog owners to train their dogs. You are just excusing their behaviour.

I think the bigger issue is that this is her house and this is how his daughters are talking within earshot about his wife when he’s not there. I’d be more inclined to expect him to trust his wife and have serious words with the pair of them about having a bit of respect and keeping their bitchy remarks to themselves

Why?

And why 'post jab loose skin'

You mean weight loss loose skin presumably?

A lot of these posts are mired in judgement about OPs weight loss I suspect

Flabby old step mum, she looks hilarious.

I’m going on what OP has actually said, because I’ve actually read her OP and updates and understood them. I’m assuming that OP is telling the truth, otherwise there is no point at all in debating.

Maybe she’s been a teen before. I’m sure you found things amusing as a teen that you wouldn’t find amusing now with the benefit of maturity. Like everyone.

We don’t know what OP did wrong as we weren’t there and she’s not likely to admit it here.

OP didn’t expect to be called out on the unfortunate consequences of overeating or the way she reacted to her SDs. As you say actions have consequences…

Ban them from the house until they apologise,there is no excuse for that kind of crap.

Why ? Because it challenged DSD’s own shitty behaviour ?

No became she didn’t deal with it well or maturely herself.

Really? Why? Not all teens are stick thin. Some have stretch marks from grow spurts. With all the body confidence talk for all shapes and sizes around these days then post jab loose skin or anything else wrong with a body or face shouldn’t seem funny to them.