CRP level and DP’s reaction, would you be upset?

[Treasdre]

I have felt extremely unwell in the last week. I eventually went to hospital despite DP (surgeon!!!) telling me I would be wasting hospital time and that I would eventually get over whatever was in my system.

Anyway while he was at work yesterday I was in so much pain I got a taxi to hospital. When I got there I was given an urgent scan with dye as CRP was over 400. I messaged DP and said I was staying in and he said he would be over after work but I was being dramatic about 400 being massively high and he’d seen higher. I just feel so hurt. We’ve only been together 2 years and he does have form for being a bit cold sometimes but AIBU to think this was a shitty thing to say to me especially from a surgeon who surely knows that is a high reading?

edited to add that I am not medically trained but the person doing my scan said the reading was extremely high and I urgently needed the scan. I’ve been googling since then and it says online too that it’s high. I feel like he completely invalidated how unwell I was feeling and how serious this is

I once saw a gynae consultant because a scan had revealed a 10cm ovarian cyst. I said 'That's quite big isnt it' and he laughed and said 'Ive seen bigger'. LIKE I GIVE A SHIT. This isnt some Guinness Book of Records discussion- Im talking about the effect it is having on my body.
And some poor woman is probably married to him, when I only had him for a 20 minute appointment and that was bad enough

OP is ill in hospital and he couldn’t care less.

He not only discouraged her from getting checked out but then was unsympathetic when she found out she was quite poorly.

I think that poster was spot on.

People (men especially) show their true colours when you get poorly.

Even if just a friend text me, I would have offered to drive her to the hospital myself and if I had found out she had to stay in hospital I would have been sympathetic and asking her if she needs anything etc.

No, you arent being over sensitive or dramatic....he's not showing any care, concern or empathy at all.
If my DP is feeling under the weather or I feel rough when im on my period we care for each other, extra love, cuddles etc.....and that's just day to day illnesses.....you are in hospital and hes acting like this? Stick him in the BIN

It is extremely high and definitely not normal.

Yes he’s seen higher CRP, because he works in a hospital and saw many sick people before. Ridiculous comment

I swear surgeons lack empathy just like psychopaths do, that’s why they thrive in a job which requires them to slice people open

No, he was being a dick! Just because he's educated, doesn't mean he's not capable of being an arsehole.

No. No you are not. You are normal to be afraid and you have no back up from your asshole husband.

Get over this and re- assess your relationship.

I think this is par for the course with surgeons. A friend of mine has had TWO brushes with death (a perforated bowel and and acute condition causing her brain to swell) and both times her medical (surgeon and GP) relatives told her bed rest would sort it. It would not.

I disagree. The small things indicate the big things.

This man has zero empathy for his wife who is ill. She doesn't need to know much more than that.

My DH is an anaethetist/ITU doctor and he is extremely dismissive when any of us are ill (including himself when he has had 2 week wait investigations). Our son has had 3 hospital admissions over the past year (bowel obstruction, pneumonia, severe tonsillitis) and every single time my DH has thought we were wasting GP/ED time. Even when I have been proved right (I’m a former hospital doctor myself!) he doesn’t really acknowledge it.

I think because he’s so used to looking after the sickest patients he has no ‘time’ for tonsillitis or whatever. Meningitis , yes let’s go to hospital. Tonsillitis , ‘it will be fine’.

Surgeons are also known stereotypically to be quite blasé, but I would expect one to certainly be interested in a CRP of 400 !!!

get well soon

ps

just read this out to my own cold Dr DH and he said “400? Yes 400 is very high. I don’t believe he doesn’t think 400 is bad, he’s probably trying to save face”

I just read the OP has campylobacter which made me ask if her surgeon partner suspected this didn't want to worry her more. Is it possible he knew she would get over it in a few days. As far as I know this illness is the medical name for food poisoning a common illness which raises cpr numbers. I'm not for a second saying this is definitely the situation, just putting it on the table as a possible reason for the comments.

Desensitisation is ‘A Thing’ for all of us in whatever specialties. It’s both unavoidable and in some ways necessary.

However - compassion, human emotion, and care for our loved ones should never be compromised. Those things are the parts that mean we’re human. Unfortunately IME surgeons have to be naturally quite low on these scales in order to remain unphased by the pressure during theatre. Having someone’s heart literally in your hand is one thing… holding a loved one’s heart in their hands is the biggie that they then struggle with. Two very different skill sets.

I’d think twice about this relationship.

And get well soon lovely 💐 🍇

And this man is a trained doctor/surgeon? Oh no!

So basically he's doubling down. Tosser!

I can throw a crp of 200 without being dangerously ill (it's a crohns thing) but I feel absolutely dreadful when this happens and invariably end up in hospital because, in general, that's considered extremely high and needs investigation. I can't imagine how I'll you felt with double that.

He's being a twat. My guess is he is on some maybe unconscious level assessing you as he would a patient for surgery, ruling you out and therefore deciding you are fine.

I would say I'm not asking for a medical assessment, I already have that, I'm shocked by how little care or sympathy you seem to feel for me. Then take it from there.

Have the hospital identified if there is anything wrong? Hard to say whether his assessment of your condition is valid or not without another medical opinion.

I grew up in a medical family. Our joke is that you only go to the hospital when you are about to die.

I'm always surprised how often some people go, I mostly don't even think of it as a possible thing.

I mean it is food poisoning but it’s a type of it, not all food poisoning is campylobacter
it’s not a few days either
I had a headache for 3 days, a temp over 40c and diarrhoea every 15 minutes for 9 days. It only stopped when they hospital put me on a drip and antibiotics

Does he have a form for belittling you?

He’s an idiot and I certainly wouldn’t want him treating me!!

Yes he could be a FY3 type level who has that ‘doesn’t know what he doesn’t know yet’.

I'm not sure what CRP is, but if you're married to a medic, then you're going to have to toughen up! They are notoriously blasé about illness in the family - maybe because they see so many time wasters at work? My advice - from personal experience - is to develop a thick skin, a nice line in sarcasm and thus admiration from staff as "Mr So and So's wife, who is a stoical trooper"! Just laugh about it, basically.

I don’t know the rest of your relationship but I think medics get so used to things that they sometimes minimise.
I also think sometimes people minimise when it’s someone close to them because they can’t face it being something big and put head in sand.
It might also be that he was being a dick.
focus on getting well now, figuring him out can wait

@Starzinsky campylobacter

He's let you down when it mattered. Is this what you want in a relationship? Partnerships include mutual love and support. He's been tested and failed.