CRP level and DP’s reaction, would you be upset?

[Treasdre]

I have felt extremely unwell in the last week. I eventually went to hospital despite DP (surgeon!!!) telling me I would be wasting hospital time and that I would eventually get over whatever was in my system.

Anyway while he was at work yesterday I was in so much pain I got a taxi to hospital. When I got there I was given an urgent scan with dye as CRP was over 400. I messaged DP and said I was staying in and he said he would be over after work but I was being dramatic about 400 being massively high and he’d seen higher. I just feel so hurt. We’ve only been together 2 years and he does have form for being a bit cold sometimes but AIBU to think this was a shitty thing to say to me especially from a surgeon who surely knows that is a high reading?

edited to add that I am not medically trained but the person doing my scan said the reading was extremely high and I urgently needed the scan. I’ve been googling since then and it says online too that it’s high. I feel like he completely invalidated how unwell I was feeling and how serious this is

Medical people tend to look at things like this in more a practical sense rather than than an emotional sense
there job hardens them to it

I’m a GP. And yes that’s quite an impressive CRP, to me it’s a “this person is very likely ill enough to need to be in hospital right now, either that or they have some horrible undiagnosed cancer” type level.

But when I was a junior doctor working in hospital I’d routinely see CRPs this sort of level, and as a surgeon he probably sees it even more than medics. So I kind of get where he was coming from as a doctor/surgeon, and I do think as doctors we get desensitised to this stuff, it’s an everyday event to us, but to the person in hospital they’ve never been so desperately ill in their life.

I also think as doctors we can be very much “married to the job” and slow to know when we ought to be turning off the “doctor” bit of ourselves and becoming the “partner” (or whatever) bit of ourselves. It doesn’t help that family and friends frequently ask us to switch on the doctor bit when they’re ill. So I have some sympathy for your partner here and don’t think he should be judged overly harshly. You’re right that he probably feels bad now for giving you the wrong advice. Having said that, how do I put this, surgeons in general aren’t particularly known for their empathy at the best of times!

@Treasdre If your CRP is 400, then the hospital’s response tells you everything you need to know. CRP at that level is not a “bit off” or “overreacting”, it’s a major inflammatory marker that clinicians take seriously because it usually indicates:

• a significant infection
• a post‑operative complication
• an abscess
• sepsis risk
• or another acute inflammatory process
• its certainly something that needs investigating as an inpatient.

If his own peers have examined you, run tests, and decided you need to be kept in, then minimising it from the sidelines, is not only unhelpful, it’s disrespectful to both you and the medical team actually treating you. And he should be embarrassed he didn't take you more seriously because generally, with people you love, you err on the side of caution and normally are overly protective and I would think twice about a relationship with a partner who treats you in this manner, it does not bode well.

A surgeon mocking a partner for seeking help when unwell is grim behaviour. A surgeon mocking a partner who has a CRP of 400 and has been admitted is professionally embarrassing.

He doesn’t get to override the judgement of the clinicians who have seen you, assessed you, and taken responsibility for your care. And he certainly doesn’t get to belittle you for listening to your own body. If anything, the fact you took yourself in shows good judgement, unlike him. Plenty of people, especially women, delay seeking help because they’ve been conditioned to minimise their symptoms. You didn’t. Good for you!

You are not being emotional, you are justifiably concerned about your own health and some sign of concern/compassion from your partner would be the norm. I would take issue with this when you are well. Your partner has shown you who they are....believe them!

Take care of yourself and get well soon.

Do you really think its help full to say you are a GP and that with levels like this " either that or they have some horrible undiagnosed cancer” type level." Are you trying to scare her witless?

400 is high and its a red flag but not necessarily anything this dire.

I’d say he doesn’t trust you. If you were at deaths door, would you trust him to save you?

Which OP clearly knows because she’s put it in her update

My partner is a medic and says your partner sounds like an idiot. Hope you feel better soon OP

My step daughter is a surgeon, she’s very cold I think, never any emotions
she says you have to have that personality to be a surgeon

Classic behaviour from someone with a medical background but no excuse! Hope you heal well. I had a high CRP once, can’t remember how high but it was an extremely dodgy gallbladder.

Please leave this man. You deserve better.

I’m a doctor. CRP >400 is very significant and needs investigation. Your partner is a complete arse for minimising this.
I hope they get to the bottom of it and that you start feeling a lot better soon. And please have a think about your relationship. He should be the one to fight your corner, the one to support you.if he thinks a CRP of 400 is unimportant he shouldn’t be practicing

Mum and Mil to pilots here and curious as to what you have against pilots as partners.

But a GP shouldn't be saying stuff like that, its irresponsible! This GP does not know her mental state.

As a medical professional he should know that anything over 5 is elevated with Crp of over 100 often indicating severe bacterial infection. I’ve had sepsis 3 times and my Crp was over 200. But you know what, if you just had a migraine he should have been more sympathetic. Instead when you tell him you’ve been admitted to hospital he belittles you and doesn’t come see you as soon as he can. He’s obviously used to helping anaethatised people and you can’t persuade him to be empathetic if he’s got a missing chip… let him go would be my advice…

And that I totally get, you have to be hardened to be able to cope with it. Emotional detachment is fine, unless its someone you truly love and that's when your knowledge/experience should seek to protect that special person.

Surgeons, (or cutters and shutters) in my experience tend to think of patients as just humans with bits they need to lop off. They do not see you holistically. As long as they have lopped off the right bit, that's ok. For me the medics who saw me as a person were the oncologists, they wanted to know HOW I felt after treatment. I don't think much of your DP's bedside manner. I am not so sure he even likes you. Wondering if he has taken out life insurance on you? Only slightly sarcastically....

I'm afraid surgeons have a reputation for being arrogant and difficult to have relationships with. Get well soon, OP.

she already knows it’s campylobacter

Surgeons. They’re wired differently, especially orthopods. Joiners with a medical degree. The real psychos are cardiac surgeons. They walk on water.

Sorry but surgeons are renowned for having a God-complex and having little empathy. I suspect he also doesn’t want to admit to himself that he was wrong not to take you more seriously when you said you felt ill, so he is trying to minimise your illness so he doesn’t have to feel guilty.

He sounds horrible. But at least you’ve had the opportunity to see what he would probably be like as a father.

Hope you’re better soon.

Surgeons kind of have a reputation for not having the best social skills. It’s a good thing their patients are on aenesthesia most of the time time. He’s being an arse. Of course you’re hurt. And probably a bit scared. I hope you have a close friend to talk to.

Its twats like this that lead to deaths from sepsis.

Shame that to be an amazing surgeon requires sociopathy.

Your DH is being a dick and he's unempathetic. With aupport like that who needs enemies. He sounds like a know it all except he doesn't know it all.

Please don't question how you respond. You're unwell. A scan has proved the same. If he can't be supportive then he needs to shut his mouth. Does he have any good qualities?

Are you sure he is a ln actual doctor?

If you can count on your dp least when you’re unwell then you should leave. You should message him now : I’m really unwell, I get that I’m not actually dead but that’s no excuse for your dismissal. If you were my doctor I’d find a new one rather than ever tolerate asking for your opinion again. I’m wondering whether that should apply to partners to. I know I never want to trust your medical ‘advice’ (if you can call it that )again. I’m grateful to be being looked after at the hospital by doctors and nurses who are kind and telling me this is serious. I’m grateful I ignored your ‘advice’.