CRP level and DP’s reaction, would you be upset?

[Treasdre]

I have felt extremely unwell in the last week. I eventually went to hospital despite DP (surgeon!!!) telling me I would be wasting hospital time and that I would eventually get over whatever was in my system.

Anyway while he was at work yesterday I was in so much pain I got a taxi to hospital. When I got there I was given an urgent scan with dye as CRP was over 400. I messaged DP and said I was staying in and he said he would be over after work but I was being dramatic about 400 being massively high and he’d seen higher. I just feel so hurt. We’ve only been together 2 years and he does have form for being a bit cold sometimes but AIBU to think this was a shitty thing to say to me especially from a surgeon who surely knows that is a high reading?

edited to add that I am not medically trained but the person doing my scan said the reading was extremely high and I urgently needed the scan. I’ve been googling since then and it says online too that it’s high. I feel like he completely invalidated how unwell I was feeling and how serious this is

He's unconcerned because he's used to seeing the very sickest people. However, his dismissiveness of you is nothing to do with that and is plain old unpleasantness.

I think its a health workers thing, my folks, paramedics, surgeon, nurse all used to be of the opinion if you could walk and it wasn't hanging off then it was not too bad.

How senior a surgeon is he? Is he a FY2, registrar or consultant?

Does one of these levels entitle him to be more of a dickhead??
The gps and surgeons that are in our friends and family are not dickheads and can be trusted to give an helpful opinion if you call them, I know surgeons reputation but I don’t recognise this level of plain old asshole in the ones I know and I wouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone like that.

He doesn't like that he was wrong

Yes this. He was both wrong and a dismissive twat but now that it's been shown that you are genuinely unwell and another medical professional has shown that objectively and expressed concern, he has two options: (1) acknowledge he was wrong and a dismissive twat and accept the puncture to his ego; or (2) refuse to accept the facts and double down on his original stance to protect his precious ego.

He has chosen option 2.

Either he does genuinely like you but his ego is so pathologically huge and fragile that that comes first and/or his ego is not debilitating and he just doesn't really care about you enough to risk even a small dent.

Either way, run for the hills.

Yup my Dad was 280 when he had sepsis and necrotizing fascitis and had to be resuscitated. Something very odd is going on with this guy and his reaction to you being unwell. It doesn't matter what the number is or whether you need to go to hospital, if you tell your partner you feel like crap then they should believe and help you, what adult invalidates another adult like that, it's utterly demeaning

Whats he trying to keep you at home for? Do you have kids? Is he just pissed off his wife/nanny/maid needs a bit of time off sick?

Bloody hell you poor thing!! When I had sepsis my marker was below that, I think in the 200s, you must have felt terrible. What a weird, invalidating response from your partner x

You might not be medically trained, but the person who saw you is and deemed it high enough to be urgent!

He sounds cold - some healthcare professionals are and treat everybody as 'cases', You'd hope that wouldn't apply to your partner, though. You shouldn't have to be the worst he's seen or at death's door to warrant some sympathy here.

Mine was over 300 when I had my gangrenous appendix removed. I was in hospital for 9 days.

Your (D)H is a cold, unfeeling shit of a man. Please do not let 2 years become 10 or 20 or 30 years. You should be with someone who is on your 'team'. He is not.

Sounds like the renowned 'God complex' that some surgeons are notorious for. It's really not a great characteristic in a relationship (been there, done that, experienced it first hand)

Hope you feel a bit better soon, that they get to the bottom of things, and that it is nothing too serious.

Edited to add: he is a sick, and you should always trust your gut.

Yes I think it’s bizarre of him. More surgeons are psychopaths than any other career though.. so maybe he lacks empathy.

Nope I was just trying to gauge how stupid he must be to not think a CRP of that is serious

OP I am a nurse and 400 is terribly high. Very nasty infection or potentially sepsis with a number like that. I had a patient with pneumonia last week, she was very poorly and her CRP was 320! You poor thing, hes absolutely gaslighted you. I wouldnt want him to be my surgeon! Very dismissive.

Wow.

Be kinder to your own family please.

Your working day is not their problem.

They will always remember your lack of care, sympathy and empathy. Ask me how I know.

What a horrible man. I hope you feel better soon and dump his uncaring arse.

Was it in a - I don’t care way.

Or in a - sympathetic do you need anything, I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly, don’t worry I’ve seen much higher and they’ve been fine - reassuring, caring way.

Not caring when you’re unwell is one of the biggest red flags you can get.

I would be seriously concerned about the future of this relationship.
I don’t think I’d trust this man to have children with.

Some men are great partners when their partners are perfect and put them first but as soon as they become unwell or have children, the man’s true colours come out.

A surgeon, full of himself? Surely not! <sarcasm>

Yes it's either that he won't have it that he's wrong. Or that he refuses to accept you are ill and need attention because he is used to being the important one. Or both.

What a supercilious dickhead. I hope you feel better soon.

I know this is a cliche but surgeons are widely known to be higher in dark tetrad traits. The lack of care he demonstrated towards you is properly shocking for someone you are in an intimate relationship with. Get out.

Did anyone else have to Google what CRP levels are?
And if not, how do you know what is what and what the normal level should be?!

Blimey this is quite the leap?! I think you may have been watching too many films

I too would be interested in his grade. I am a senior surgeon and that’s bloody high. For context, I have admitted patients for further testing when it’s above 150 even if they seemed fine in themselves. I too have seen higher but over 400 is very high and he’s being an utter dick pretending it’s not.

if he’s junior he needs further educating as that attitude is dangerous and puts patients at risk and if he’s a consultant he shouldn’t have trainees as we certainly don’t want that cavalier nature to be instilled in them.

genuinely I would use this as a sign that perhaps he should be thrown back into the sea.

Ah that’s quite different, carry on I’m interested to. It does seem fair to query his fitness to practice, it takes more than an ego and being very dismissive of others illness to make a good surgeon. A lot more.

Unfortunately this poster is referencing a widely accepted phenomenon of men leaving wives when they become ill - see below.

Men leaving spouses when ill

If he isn’t even showing care in the early days it is very possible this man is already showing red flags for this type of trait.