Am I being over cautious or sensible? 15yr olds and spa

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Long story short is that DD has been invited to stay over in a hotel with her friend while friend's mum is involved with an event at the hotel. DD's friend's mum says the girls can use the spa facilities etc and also chill out in the room. I said yes to this and now I'm getting anxious about it as they are 2 months shy of turning 16, just finished GCSEs, and I don't think they will be allowed in the spa with no adult supervision and also I just don't like the idea. i wish I said no from the beginning and now regretting it. AIBU? Thanks

So you’re worried about your 15 year old using a swimming pool, jacuzzi and steam room in a nice hotel? I have 2 14yos and genuinely cannot figure out why you’re worried.

But what ‘poor judgement’ would come into it? What is there for the mother to misjudge? It’s a spa, not Creamfields. What are you worried is going to happen to a couple of 15-year-olds there? They won’t be having treatments. They’ll just be using the pool and possibly a steam room and/or jacuzzi or something. Presumably you’d let your 15-year-old and a friend go to a swimming pool, so what’s the issue specifically with a spa?

What are you so anxious about? What do you think will happen?

Surely you know your daughter well enough to trust her judgement.

You haven’t already checked? I would have been on their website like a rat up a drainpipe. 😁

I'd be worried they wouldn't be allowed in as many spas are over 16.
I'd want to know before they went so I could manage expectations.

I admit, I would also be worried about them navigating the men who take over the jacuzzi and steam room in these places, it can be somewhat uncomfortable.

Honestly I doubt anyone in the hotel will be checking IDs at the spa entrance. As long as they don't look much younger than 16 they should be fine.

I was going to clubs when I was nearly 16. Them going to a spa is the least of your worries.

Tell your daughter to bring a bottle of water to the spa and don't stay in the sauna too long. I wouldn't even bother saying anything about potential creepy men. In my experience, spas in hotels are nearly exclusively populated by women, and they're 15, they already know about creepy men. Don't take the good out of the experience.

Other than that, don't be sneaking drinks at the bar when her mate's mum's back is turned, try and get SOME sleep, and have fun.

What poor judgment has she shown?

Most hotel spas in my area don't allow under 16's regardless if they're supervised by an adult or not. You will need to check with the hotel, what their policy is. Is there a pool that they can use, that is separate from the spa? What will the plan be, if the spa isn't an option? Is it a country hotel, away from the town or could the girls go into the local town easily?

What fun, she's going to be upset if you change your mind. So long as they are reasonably sensible girls I would let my daughter go, maybe a small lecture on behaving etc before she leaves, they'll have a blast. I would buy her pringles and haribo and wave her off.

You're being a bit overcautious, that's having teenagers, wait until she's clubbing at seventeen with fake ID. Hanging out with people who take coke in pub toilets etc, you've got to trust them to make good choices, scary stuff.

Ok, I'm happy to accept that I'm overreacting. Yes, bit worried about strange men in sauna etc.

Exactly. You’re in for a bumpy ride if you don’t allow this sort of thing op. It’s a very small step towards independence. Especially as teens, who haven’t been allowed age appropriate freedom go wild once they taste freedom.

And you have to accept that not all parents have the same values. Your dd will soon be out in the world. And as @Bristolandlazy says, in a blink of an eye, your dd will be clubbing on fake ID… but I thought it was more ket these days than coke?

But when they are 16 they can go in, so you are worried that because they are 2 months younger, they are at risk?!

Its fine. Honestly.

Generally spas don't let under 16s in because a) it's meant to be a tranquil environment without boisterous children and b) sauna's and jacuzzis can be very hot and younger teens/children can pass out quite easily if they stay in too long. Reasonably, they don't want to take responsibility for that. It's not a child protection thing.

And I expect the OP would be equally concerned once they turned 16, it's not the couple of months that's making a difference.

We always worry as parents. Worst case scenario is always our default. It's not unreasonable for the OP to ask the question. But a hotel spa during the day for two unsupervised 15 year olds is a reasonable amount of independence and something the vast majority of 15 year olds should be allowed to do. OP just needed a bit of other people's perspective.

When I was that age I was down an ally somewhere with my mates trying to bun a spliff in gale force winds. Spa sounds pretty civilised! Maybe give the mum a call if you’re worried?

They will be together and there will be staff close by.

Men don't tend to go to a spa unless they are there with a partner. Going to a regular leisure centre is more risky than a hotel spa.

Have you had conversations with your daughter about what to do with unwanted attention from males.

How she should never feel frightened to report someone, ask for help or walk away?

How her body is hers and someone touching it or commenting on it without her permission is unacceptable and she should never stand for it?

How she should be loud and angry rather than quiet and nervous when it comes to standing up for herself and her rights.

This is my view too. Going to the spa at my gym is like going to a Bulgarian bath house at times - 75% men. I find hotel spas to be the exact opposite.

It's a spa break not the Reading Festival. I think I might have been a bitcbored at that age

I suspect the hotel probably won't allow them to use the spa unsupervised, but personally (apart from that) I don't think I'd be concerned. What is it you are worried about?

It all seems pretty wholesome to me .
I won’t tell you how I marked finishing my O levels .
This is a healthy normal thing to benefit her independence and build confidence.
It’s part of growing up .
What poor judgement has the mum shown in the past ?

Absolutely fine.
i think that two 15/nearly 16 year olds going to the spa who have some magazines etc will go broadly unnoticed. Children are not allowed usually from a splashing / games perspectives.
At several hotels only the pool is mixed gender, and very frequently the sauna part is in the respective changing room. Even if it’s not, maybe encourage them to feel more than comfortable leaving if they need, alerting staff if there’s a problem, or (as presume they have the whole day) wait their turn or move to a different part of the spa.

Sounds like a nice time in a safe and controlled environment, and they’ll be there together, not her on her own. I can’t see the problem.

ok thanks everyone. Appreciate all views and it's great to have a sense check on this. It'll be fun for them and I will talk to DD about keeping safe etc.

Too funny. That made me spit out my Jasmine tea.