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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being over cautious or sensible? 15yr olds and spa

60 replies

DataColour · 18/06/2026 13:51

Long story short is that DD has been invited to stay over in a hotel with her friend while friend's mum is involved with an event at the hotel. DD's friend's mum says the girls can use the spa facilities etc and also chill out in the room. I said yes to this and now I'm getting anxious about it as they are 2 months shy of turning 16, just finished GCSEs, and I don't think they will be allowed in the spa with no adult supervision and also I just don't like the idea. i wish I said no from the beginning and now regretting it. AIBU? Thanks

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 18/06/2026 16:06

This wouldn't have troubled me at all when my DD was 15 because she had already proved herself to be sensible, had stayed with me in lots of hotels, and was a competent swimmer. There are lots of situations mothers of 15-year olds can worry about, but unless your DD is reckless and foolhardy, this isn't one of them, in my view.

HopeIsAScaryThing · 18/06/2026 16:10

SHe'll likely need to say she's 16 if asked ... and just let them enjoy themselves

Anothernameretired · 18/06/2026 16:10

Snoken · 18/06/2026 15:31

Men don't tend to go to a spa unless they are there with a partner. Going to a regular leisure centre is more risky than a hotel spa.

Lots of hotels I've been to are leisure centres that non-residents can visit/join. I think this is why I see them as being full of men. I was in one in Liverpool recently and I was the only woman at one point (I was visiting with my DS 14). That said, the men were generally really nice and didn't make me feel awkward.

If it's a spa-only hotel for residents then that is different (but even more unlikely to allow under 16s in the spa).

It all depends on the specific hotel.

LlynTegid · 18/06/2026 16:19

Glad to read that others mentioned the need sadly to be aware that there may be men who are pests or worse and how to respond. Wish it was not the case, but realism is needed.

mindutopia · 18/06/2026 16:23

At 15, I was taking the train 4 hours away to spend school holidays, 2+ weeks at a time, living with my 20 year old boyfriend. 😂

I’ve been away to spa hotels twice this year with my 13 year old. It was lovely, though obviously she was supervised by me. The spa had special hours when under 16s were allowed in. I can’t see really how much trouble they could get into at a spa hotel!

HoppityBun · 18/06/2026 16:25

I suggest that this is an ideal introduction as the friend’s mother will be nearby and you can have a mild conversation with her so she is prepared

abigailll · 18/06/2026 16:30

LlynTegid · 18/06/2026 16:19

Glad to read that others mentioned the need sadly to be aware that there may be men who are pests or worse and how to respond. Wish it was not the case, but realism is needed.

But this surely needs to be taught to all
our girls from a young age in every situation from school, public transport, extra curricular clubs, family members - though I agree a ‘reminder’ in new situations is always good.

pinkspeakers · 18/06/2026 16:30

mindutopia · 18/06/2026 16:23

At 15, I was taking the train 4 hours away to spend school holidays, 2+ weeks at a time, living with my 20 year old boyfriend. 😂

I’ve been away to spa hotels twice this year with my 13 year old. It was lovely, though obviously she was supervised by me. The spa had special hours when under 16s were allowed in. I can’t see really how much trouble they could get into at a spa hotel!

Ummm, even then that would have been illegal....so don't think that is a great example!

But I agree that the spa seems perfectly harmless.

pinkspeakers · 18/06/2026 16:31

abigailll · 18/06/2026 16:30

But this surely needs to be taught to all
our girls from a young age in every situation from school, public transport, extra curricular clubs, family members - though I agree a ‘reminder’ in new situations is always good.

Exactly, I don't see the hotel spa as being an unsafe space compared to other scenarios that 15 year old girls probably encounter regularly.

basoon · 19/06/2026 23:33

I can't see exactly what you are worried about? In 2 to 3 years she could be living alone, traveling alone, having sex. She needs to start doing things on her own and practicing for adult life. This sounds very safe

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