No point in coming on holiday with children under 5

[choccakeE]

I’m in Mallorca, paid £4.5k for my DH, me, 3 year old and 9 month old 4* hotel.

3 year old recently turned 3 and has this thing now about shouting/whinging about EVERYTHING. She rarely talks normally.

This morning we had breakfast, straight to the pool, screaming because I wasn’t being fast enough getting her swimsuit on, screaming because I was putting suncream on her then we get in the pool and she’s moaning and whinging that I’m not holding her properly or for whatever other reason like when she jumped in but didn’t warn me and her foot missed my face by a couple of cm.

9 month old is fine, happy playing with toys on sunbed, sleeping a lot etc.

but I don’t think I can do this again for another few years where she might actually stop moaning constantly (I know some is to be expected).

I honestly would rather just be at home right now, spent all of this money and I’m sick with envy at all these women laying by the pool with their kindles (light hearted, used to be me before I thought 2 kids would be a fab idea 🥴).

Oh and DH has been stuck in the hotel room vomiting with migraine since we got here yesterday so solo parenting right now.

Oh no, hope your husband is better soon.

I found a different style of holiday worked better for those years- rent a cottage and potter about doing low key things like farm trips and English seaside. Cheaper too.

Think this will be the plan from now on @DoubleTea

Oh no bad luck, what a shame. I hope your husband feels better soon and can take or help you more.

Yes I don’t think hotels like that are great for holidays with very young kids. We’ve mainly been doing holiday cottages and places like centre parks, we’re waiting until DCs are a bit older to go the all inclusive abroad holidays.

I don't think anyone will argue with you OP, it sounds shit!

I hope your DH feels better soon (my sister gets horrific migraines so I have every sympathy for him).

I think you are right though, all that money for a holiday none of you (apart from the baby!) are enjoying, I would be upset too.

I think it’s harder in your situation because your DH is unwell so you’re solo parenting. If he was well, presumably you would take it in turns with the 3 year old so the other can have a bit of a break whilst the baby naps. I always try and think, I would be better dealing with kids anyway so I’d rather be doing it with nice weather and not having to cook and clean! Hope your DH feels better soon so you can catch a break.

I’ve never had any issues travelling with young kids tbh - although mine were never whingers.

How are you tackling the whingeing and complaining at home?

There’s not much relaxing… but it can be fun to be doing different things in a different place.

Sorry about the moaning. I did have a DD who screamed (meltdowns) but I didn't allow whingeing (kids are not usually out of control when they are moaning) and just said they need to ask me in a nice voice. My boys were fine, no moaning or screaming. DD used to be very persistent in asking for things but at least she asked in a normal voice, I can't stand whining!

When DH is feeling better you can still have a nice time. Now must be v hard with 2 young ones though. Eyes in the back of your head! DD may be unsettled by him being ill.

Just enjoy not having to cook or other household tasks, and try to see the nice bits (easier said than done, but I'm sure there are some). I love coming back to clean room which I didn't clean!

I much preferred a centre parcs type holiday when mine were that little. Everything on site, separate bedrooms and activities galore!

I know centre parcs is hated on here but just parking up and leaving the car for a week, eating out at child friendly restaurants and the activities and water parks aimed at small children felt like an actual holiday! we only started abroad holidays again when the youngest was 4!

It really depends on your child, been doing trips abroad with my twin boys since they were 6 months old and we've had a good time at resorts and hotels but that's because they love to observe things, enjoy pools, and don't whinge or moan that much

Your 3 year old doesn't give a shit that it's supposed to be a holiday or that it was expensive. They're just having a stressful time in an unfamiliar place with lots of strange stressful events leading up to it and lots of new, stressful things out of their routine and sense of normality happening.

It's not fun for them so it won't be for you. Sorry you spent so much money and like others have said, do something different next time or just don't go on holiday for a while.

We prefer to travel and stay in air b&b type places so we have our own space once they’re in bed, we hire a car and go out exploring each day, travelling around the country we’re visiting. I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and it’s not ‘relaxing’ but I think trying to force relaxation when kids are those ages is more stressful than just getting out!

We do have the odd beach afternoon if we are feeling lazy which works well if you station yourselves near a beach bar and have an assortment of buckets, spades, monster trucks 🤣 we even packed a mini paddling pool one year and once we’d gone to the effort of filling it.. that bought us a relatively quiet drink on the beach!

We always travelled abroad when our girls were little although I admit neither of ours were whiners or tantrum throwers so we always had a really lovely time. But it definitely depends on your DC and how they cope with travelling, heat, crowds, etc and whether you all enjoy it.

So I think, you have tried it, it doesn't seem to work for your family, so maybe give them a miss until the kids are a bit older.

We also had a second holiday separate from our 2 weeks abroad, and did a week in a holiday home in the UK. Close to the beach and town and we did local attractions, castles, beach days, aquariums, walks, ice creams and donuts and fairgrounds. We had just as good a time doing UK breaks as we did abroad so maybe this kind of thing would work better for you.

For the rest of your holiday try and get some routine in place, plan as much as you can the night before how the following day is going to pan out, who is doing what, and what you are going to do and where you are going to go. For trips, eating etc also as it just takes the stress off if everyone knows what is what the day before.

Hope your DH is better soon and when he is, take it in turns with the pool time and general parenting and you will get to read on your lounger for a while and relax in the sun.

Hopefully things will improve when DH recovers.

Mine didn’t whinge like that on holiday at that age, they saved those delights til the teenage years!

If it isn’t working for you, do a static caravan site in UK next year. 💐

We have 4 under 5 plus older and never went abroad till they were 2 and no problems but then again we made it clear very young whining etc isn't acceptable and patience is always rewarded. Before they were 2 we just did holiday houses in uk

My friend used to take her dd on holidays and the first two were like that and then she said she started thinking and saying ‘isn’t it so cool that we are at a pool on a Wednesday ? Isn’t it so cool that we are eating out on a Friday?’ She said all of their mindsets changed because they stopped thinking ‘we need to enjoy this, why aren’t we enjoying this?’ and started thinking of how lucky they were. She said if she’d said how lucky they were she probably would have irritated herself 😅

Also I agree to young gif hotel holidays but you should think about stopping thinking about the cost if you’re going to pay it. Our last holiday was a ‘trip of a lifetime’ which was one of the worst holidays ever, punctuated by dh saying he couldn’t believe we’d paid so much (and reiterating the cost over and over!), that we could have fixed the bathroom etc etc etc.

Hopefully it gets easier x

We did years of UK holidays in places like Cornwall and Scotland. Northumberland. Self catering. Waitrose bring the wine. Let the kids run feral on a beach. The kids are now secondary school age and we can take them backpacking. It's ace.
I am not interested in AI places nor going to somewhere like Vienna or Lisbon to hang out at a neighbourhood park.
So glad we did what we did (we also had a disastrous holiday abroad before we resorted to Plan B).

We always did eurocamp or self catering at home when kids were small. It is a difficult age they are out of routine and in new surroundings so a bit all over the place. Try and keep them in routine if possible and make sure they get their sleep/ food as normal, it is probably hot as well which they are not used to, they will adjust better in a couple of days. And as with most things lower your expectations keep things simple.
Hope your dh is feeling better soon

It depends very much on the type of child and also the extent to which you are willing to vary your holiday expectations and still feel that it's a worthwhile and enjoyable break.

Both my kids were challenging as babies and toddlers shall we say. After each one we didn't go on holiday at all until they were two and a half because I knew it would just be "same shit different bucket" but more expensive and without home comforts like black out curtains.

When we did start holidaying with kids it was very different to what we'd done before. Our first liked his own space for sleeping and couldn't drop off if he shared with us. So we did Eurocamp holidays in cabins so he got his own room and we had a living room and deck to enjoy after he'd gone to bed or sunbathe/read on the deck while he had a nap . It was also easier to have breakfast and lunch in the cabin and just brave one meal out, which we had to eat fast because he was a bolter. Mini disco twice a day was a life saver and tired him out.

Second child was happier sharing with us ao we started doing all inclusive hols (had never done them before) but in apartment hotels so we had a bit more space. Fussy eater so she liked seeing the food first in the buffet. Again lots of activities on site to keep them busy. They both liked kids club, we didn't send them all the time but it gave us a break and they had fun and made friends. When we ventured out to go sightseeing we saw/walked a lot less than before kids and had to build in more drinks/ice cream breaks and if we passed a playground we always said yes we can stop here for a play for 20 mins (groaning inwardly but it was worth it to avoid moaning and tantrums).

I promise holidays got more enjoyable and adventurous as they got older. Yes the teen years meant a lot of skulking in the room with the wifi and air con but we left him to it and went to the pool.

Our youngest is 12 and had a fab few days with her in Paris a few months ago. She's become a great little travelling companion and now happily walks for miles! So different from the holiday where I had to piggyback her all over Corfu because she kept sitting on the pavement refusing to walk!

Sorry that is a lot! But once you lower your expectations and work out what works you'll have cracked it!

It’ll get easier as time goes on. Hopefully 3 year old finds a little friend to annoy instead.

Cottage holiday in the UK until they’re old enough to enjoy holidays abroad definitely!

Problem then is the weather.

Being in some crap holiday cottage in the pouring rain, cooking, cleaning and tidying up… argh!

Kids are just as happy pootling about with a sandy beach, rock pools and paddling. I am not surprised when they over react to changes that are overwhelming, starting off with stressful journeys then moving on to experiences like buffet breakfasts with too much choice, loud pools with too many people, huge hotels that are completely impersonal and have nothing familiar about them.

Downsize your expectations for a few years until your kids are able to deal with change. Research UK holiday cottages near family friendly beaches and resorts, spend money on food delivery that requires minimal prep. Find local attractions small zoos, steam train rides etc and do one every other day alternating with a beach day . Keep it simple, much more relaxing for everyone.

Then take appropriate clothing, macs and wellies and go to places where they can tramp through woods and splash in puddles.