No point in coming on holiday with children under 5

[choccakeE]

I’m in Mallorca, paid £4.5k for my DH, me, 3 year old and 9 month old 4* hotel.

3 year old recently turned 3 and has this thing now about shouting/whinging about EVERYTHING. She rarely talks normally.

This morning we had breakfast, straight to the pool, screaming because I wasn’t being fast enough getting her swimsuit on, screaming because I was putting suncream on her then we get in the pool and she’s moaning and whinging that I’m not holding her properly or for whatever other reason like when she jumped in but didn’t warn me and her foot missed my face by a couple of cm.

9 month old is fine, happy playing with toys on sunbed, sleeping a lot etc.

but I don’t think I can do this again for another few years where she might actually stop moaning constantly (I know some is to be expected).

I honestly would rather just be at home right now, spent all of this money and I’m sick with envy at all these women laying by the pool with their kindles (light hearted, used to be me before I thought 2 kids would be a fab idea 🥴).

I’m sorry you’ve spent all that money and you aren’t having a nice time OP.

Looking back, I don’t think our holidays with an under 5 were the best, and we’ve only got the one. And I don’t remember Cornwall as being any easier than Spain! But I think if you’ve spent less money, then it’s not so painful. Maybe try a short break at Butlins or Haven? Plenty of activities but things are a bit more familiar without the heat and long journey.

If found that the types of holidays that work easiest at these ages are the opposite of what I thought. City breaks and driving holidays seem to be less stressful than AI hotel with pool holidays. There is less hope of lounging around relaxing so less disappointment and kids are either contained in a car seat or buggy more of the time. A city hotel it's a pool can work well, one swim a day for an hour to tire them out but not trying to chill. A museum and a park or something like that for running around and lots of picnics or restaurants with outside eating.

Really depends on the children.

Oldest two as baby and toddlers were a breeze and we took them all over. Both boys are ND with the oldest having a global delay, non-verbal, no sense of risk or safety and at their ages 11 and 8 and also have a toddler, we have to do separate trips otherwise I’m going to need a solo trip to recover from a holiday itself although saying that I’m in desperate need of respite from both DH and the kids for at least a week to actually feel like it does something.

DH knows that I’m not going on any more abroad holidays with his family (not a fan of beach holidays anyway) because it is too expensive for our family and not relaxing at all for me personally when I’ll be the one being on constant alert in a foreign country because oldest can and will run off like a spooked deer if a noise upsets him, waking at every noise and double checking windows, doors, are fully locked and make sure he doesn’t know where keys are because he can open doors on his own which mil and sil found out the hard way when he went into the key box used the front door keys and ran out of MIL’s home and they couldn’t find him for 30 minutes when DH took the two boys alone while I had the toddler.

It really is a toss up. I recall my own summer holidays and my sister was the whiner but she also was hard to please, picky, and would have been happy in just a hotel room watching tv, used to drive my dad mad because of the expense and she just wanted to do the same things she did at home. She became much better as a young adult but think it was more because her friends were going to other countries and she didn’t want to be left out and found she enjoyed it compared to staying in the country.

Smiles in 10 year old with ADHD and 21 with autism…

Totally depends on the dc. Ours were easy at that age. One was a bit of a runner but that wasn’t an issue on holiday.
definitely having one parent sick doesn’t help.

This is just not the case for me, I love holidays with mine. We have always gone away just us, I know people who only go away with family but it’s just not for me.

They’re both under 5 now but I’ve been travelling with them since birth due to family living considerable distances away so I think the idea of a journey, packing or being away from home isn’t this once a year really built up thing.

100%
You end up limited to May Half Term and the summer. That being said, nothing a good coat and some decent waterproof trousers won't fix..

Personally I never put up with whining - if that’s what you mean. I couldn’t bear it in anyone else’s children - it really grated. I would tell dds that unless they talked properly, I was deaf. They soon learnt.

IME little children don't like holidays. Days out are better. Take coats, drinks and snacks.

Is there a kids Club?
Hopefully your 3 year old will find some friends to play with which will take some pressure off.

If your child rarely talks and only whinges/moans/complains then that is something you need to address.

Of course some moaning and whinging is par for the course, but mine are 5 and 3 and I just wouldn’t allow that constantly.

You're not raising a little dictator, don’t let them control the mood of the family.

totally agree with you OP. I realised when mine were young that holidays abroad with small children were stressful, not relaxing and therefore an utter waste of money.

We go on UK holidays and rent out holiday homes or go to places like Haven with indoor things to do. We've been lucky most times and had mostly dry days.

This year, my youngest is 9 and we're finally venturing abroad again.

I think you need to try a more activity based holiday and don't expect to be relaxing! We are booking our first cruise later this year - I am most excited about being able to drop DS off at the kids club for a few hours every day and enjoy reading my book with a cocktail! We'll also be exploring/making our own plans on port days rather than booking any excursions which will be enjoyable and less stressful for all of us.

I find holidays with interesting day trips much easier to manage - and booking in the spring/autumn when the weather is cooler and it's less crowded rather than peak season.

Abroad holidays are often a waste of time with such little children. Too hot, too overstimulating, too much change in routine and too much to plan. There are plenty of years ahead for this.

how do you stop your children from whinging?

You have a threenager on your hands 😲hope you DH gets better soon so you're not alone in this!

Agreed. We had a lovely holiday in Dorset on thr Jurassic Coast one Feb. Most days were clear and we had fun messing around on the beach and going for short walks. We knew it would be cold so dressed accordingly. In the evening we cosied up with the log fire.

My kids mention this holiday all the time as it was so memorable.

That sounds awful. Holidays with toddlers can be tough.

We found that Eurocamp and P&O cruises were our most relaxing holidays when our DC were very young. The cruises were particularly good thanks to the amazing crèche and night nursery. The kids loved it and we got some nice relaxation time in the evenings.

We moved on to villas when they got older - so much more relaxing than a resort.

It depends on the child. My two were relaxed kids who as long as I was there didn’t mind where they slept, what they did and didn’t moan. But I was strict about no winging or moaning unless they had an actual problem.

a holiday is a big change of routine but shouldn’t mean they just winge at you over everything

sit down and have a ‘big girl’ conversation with her about how she must be tired if she is using the winging voice all the time and moaning. And that if that carries on she will have to stay in the room and rest.

don’t just allow it to continue and ruin your holiday. Follow through on that threat if she carries it on as if you flew there in the last few days they probably are tired

We’ve had some great hols in last few years with now 7yo and 4yo but we usually do Eurocamp, so separate bedrooms, loads on site, we have the car so can travel places, food is less stressful as I think eating ‘out’ even in the hotel can be tiring for little ones every single meal.

We are doing an AI for the first time this summer but I found somewhere with bungalows so we have our own bedrooms and a living space, as I think all being holed up in one hotel room is invariably a bit miserable at times. Plus both of ours are now old enough and keen enough to go into the kids club for an hour or two while I read a book on a sunlounger. Will see how we go!

We didn’t go abroad until my DD was much older.

We just did the UK holiday parks. I couldn’t be doing all the faff of packing everything/airport etc with a young child especially as they don’t really care for that type of holiday at that age - they just want simple pleasures.

For the age of your kids, it is definitely same shit, different place. Little children often don’t like being out of routine but once you get a bit more settled the rest of the week should get easier. With my 7 year old we still tend to have tears on night 1 (generally because she misses home) and tears for at least 3 days on return (because she misses the holiday). My 10 year old is generally easy when away but our arguments come at the packing stage.

We still tend to stick to a rough routine of busy mornings and more chilled out afternoons which feels like a hangover from nap time . My easiest holiday was an AI where we played on the pool in the morning with the kids, had lunch with them, they went to kids club giving us the afternoon off and then we played games and went to dinner. Everyone loved that pattern.

That’s tough, we had a similar trip, the out of character whinging ended up in chicken pox. Can you build a bit of downtime into the day, or would she play by the kids pool with some “new toys” from lost property?

Yerp. Same shit, different location but without your home comfort, toys, games and CBeebies to make it all easier.

We got a roof box and ended up doing UK breaks and taking virtually everything with us for a couple of years.

When the little one is 5ish you will start to reclaim a teeny, tiny bit of freedom as they can be observed slightly more than needing to be held & hovered over. By 10 you'll be back on your sunlounger as they run riot with big sis and a gaggle of mates.

The days are long but the years are short. This too will pass. Kumbaya.

I hope your DH feels better soon!

You don’t pay it any attention. They soon learn the appropriate way to communicate.

A simple “I can’t understand you when you’re whinging. I’m looking forward to hearing what you’ve got to say when you can say it nicely.” Is all that’s needed.

Because they know whinging and moaning doesn’t get them anywhere it very rarely happens anymore, only tends to be when they’re ill.