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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop BFing at 8 weeks?

76 replies

wanderingwillows · 18/06/2026 07:42

Persisted for 8 long weeks but DS’s sleep is terrible. Not seeming to have full feeds but snacking constantly. Most nights I’m up every hour. DH gives a bottle of expressed milk late evening but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I assume things will be better if we gave formula. I’m also sick of being touched all the time, my boobs ache, I feel self-conscious in public, I never know what to wear.
AIBU to give up now at 8 weeks? Would this be premature? Part of me feels like I’ve worked so hard this whole time in the hope of it getting easier in the long run, so wondering whether I’d be giving up right when it’s about to get better

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 18/06/2026 15:47

I think you're likely getting over the worst of it (unless there is undiagnosed tongue tie, and note that midwives can't reliably spot this). I don't think the baby will necessarily sleep loads better, as this depends on the reasons for waking- if they are genuinely hungry this would help but if they are waking up due to habit / wanting comfort etc then it might not help, and if they're waking up due to wind etc then it can be worse. When the baby is older and feeding more on a schedule then it can be more convenient, not needing to get up in the night to make up bottles, being able to go on holiday without worrying about taking or buying stuff etc.

Saying that, do whatever is best for you. I breastfed for 15 months both my babies and honestly in hindsight I'm not sure I'd do the same again. The mental strain of being the sole thing that kept my babies alive, and the knowledge that I couldn't have a break for months and months did take its toll and I'm not sure was worth it. If I could have made mixed feeding work I think that would have worked best for me - just the knowledge I could have a day out with friends or something (even if I didn't actually do it) would have helped I think

Word of warning, I wasn't planning to feed that long but from 13 weeks exactly both my babies flatly refused bottles, despite taking the odd bottle of expressed milk ok before this. We tried every bottle, teat, position's, people feeding them, and none of it worked even when I went out for hours. I'm not sure how common this is, but if I was going to properly do mixed feeding I should have done it before this

faerylune · 18/06/2026 15:55

wanderingwillows · 18/06/2026 07:42

Persisted for 8 long weeks but DS’s sleep is terrible. Not seeming to have full feeds but snacking constantly. Most nights I’m up every hour. DH gives a bottle of expressed milk late evening but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I assume things will be better if we gave formula. I’m also sick of being touched all the time, my boobs ache, I feel self-conscious in public, I never know what to wear.
AIBU to give up now at 8 weeks? Would this be premature? Part of me feels like I’ve worked so hard this whole time in the hope of it getting easier in the long run, so wondering whether I’d be giving up right when it’s about to get better

your baby doesn't need to eat all the time, sometimes they are overtired. Try putting baby to sleep if he has eaten with 3-4 hours, then feed him after 4 hours.

it is fine if you want to quit, but most benefits of feeding human milk are at 6 months (exclusively) and 1 year.

if you can express milk, you don't need to feed chest to chest.

ThatCosyDreamer · 18/06/2026 16:09

8 weeks is incredible, well done!

Cluster feeding at this stage is completely normal so please don't feel like you aren't supplying enough for your baby.

It's so hard though and the sleep deprivation can be debilitating.

Formula won't necessarily make a difference, but you could always trail a bottle around bed time? We did that with both babies and found that luckily it did seem to make them last a bit longer so I could get some sleep in before the next feed. If you're unsure it might give you a bit more time to decide what you want to fully stop.

The best advice I can give is: don't give up on a bad day.

Ultimately it's your decision and you must do what's best for you.

Peonies12 · 18/06/2026 16:11

You can stop whenever you want, but I would just be cautious to do it after a bad day or two. Could you start swapping one or two feeds a day for formula, and move to combi feeding? You need to stop slowly anyway to prevent mastitus.
Just to say - frequent feeding is completely normal at that age. There is no proven link that formula fed babies wake less. And formula doesn't stop the baby wanting to be held (i.e., you feeling touched out). For me it got a whole lot easier after about 3 months - leaking stopped, baby could go without for longer, I stop caring about feeding in public...
Try a nursing vest with an oversize shirt on top.
Are you and your partner taking shifts at night? I used to go to bed around 8pm and DH kept baby until around 12/1. Usually baby managed without BF but he'd bring baby if necessary. But it meant I got more sleep in before we swapped. And I coslept just me and baby, did side lying BF so barely had to wake up.

BertieBotts · 18/06/2026 16:21

Stop whenever you want, for whatever reason you want, you don't need to justify this to anybody at all. Also, it's not true that it's only beneficial if you do it to a certain age. In fact the benefits are greatest the younger the baby is, and as they get older the less difference it makes. As long as it's working for you and your LO then you can and should continue as long as you want to, but it's also fine to say nope, I'm done, not for me.

On the question if it's about to get better - quite possibly yes, but OTOH I think breastfeeding is easier if you can lean into the fact that it doesn't really always work in a pattern of predictable, discrete "full" feeds at set intervals. It kind of just is that they take milk little and often and it works best if they are in contact with your body a lot of the time, including at night, if you can do that safely. I found this was what worked best for me, it meant I didn't worry about how much they were getting because I knew they would just take more if they needed more, I didn't worry about when the next feed would be needed, I just offered it whenever or let them help themselves. I know this approach won't work for everyone but I found it really freeing.

OTOH I know there are people who make breastfeeding work on more of a scheduled/routine type basis, sort of approaching it like bottle feeding but doing it directly from the breast instead. If you wanted to do it like this, possibly one of the books about how to get babies into a routine would be helpful? I've heard good things about Precious Little Sleep, The Baby Whisperer, Happiest Baby on the Block and <whispers> Gina Ford, although some of these suggestions will be very out of date, I'm sure there will be newer things available now.

Personally I would stick to a book, though, rather than a social media page or an online course.

BertieBotts · 18/06/2026 16:22

Oh, Mixed Up by Lucy Ruddle might be worth a look as well, which is about different ways to approach mixed feeding.

GreenHuia · 18/06/2026 16:29

Lots of good advice here re getting support and considering combi feeding. I just want to add that I was a primary school teacher for 10 years, no idea which of my students were exclusively breastfed or who was formula fed (or combi fed). What I could tell was who came from a loving home, whose parents spent time actively engaging with them - talking, playing, reading. So yes there are benefits to baby of breastfeeding, but please don't feel guilty if you do decide it's not working for you because being a good parent is about so much more than that one choice.

ToddlerFun7482i292 · 18/06/2026 16:47

faerylune · 18/06/2026 15:55

your baby doesn't need to eat all the time, sometimes they are overtired. Try putting baby to sleep if he has eaten with 3-4 hours, then feed him after 4 hours.

it is fine if you want to quit, but most benefits of feeding human milk are at 6 months (exclusively) and 1 year.

if you can express milk, you don't need to feed chest to chest.

Edited

There is no way an 8 week old breastfed baby can go 4 hours without a feed in the day. Totally unrealistic advice.

Duvetdayneeded · 18/06/2026 16:48

Do a mix. Boob in day and formula at night.

Wynter25 · 18/06/2026 16:50

Fupoffyagrasshole · 18/06/2026 08:39

Do whatever you want op

but formula won’t make a difference to sleep and you’ll be up making bottles instead

I personally found it easier to not have to get out of bed and just pull the baby out and feed and back to bed

Same here.

Breastfeeding was a lot easier.

Do whats best for you and baby.

Crunchymum · 18/06/2026 16:53

If it's not working for you at 8 weeks then explore your options.

You can try and get to the bottom of why it's not working so well (see a BFing consultant / check for tounge tie etc) or you can combi-feed or you can move totally to formula.

FWIW I've had one who was FF from 48h, 1 who was BF (and extended BF until almost 3) and my 3rd child had an NG tube so I expressed for 6 months to give her my milk via her tube.

I can honestly say you wouldn't know which child I fed which way now they are older.

Excellentsausages · 18/06/2026 16:56

With my second, who breastfed a LOT, co-sleeping was an absolute gamechanger. So much easier and better for sleep and rest.

Breastfeeding is hard in the beginning, and with my second, hard to stop - but there is a beautiful middle stage where I found it much better than bottles (i combifed my eldest). Especially when out and about, holidays etc - you have to worry about much less stuff.

Do you have a baby latte group or similar near you? I'd give that and cosleeping a go first, but equally don't feel guilty about stopping if it doesn't work best for you.

SunnyRedSnail · 18/06/2026 17:15

@wanderingwillows it's not up to other people. It's your decision to make.

My DS1 was BF for 13.5 months. I hated it to begin with. Same reasons as you. But I carried on and it got so much easier.

My second child was twins who were premature, so I used a pump. I pumped for 8 weeks then gave up, but to be honest I then discovered pumping was easier than the faff of formula, so wish I'd carried on a bit longer!

Rubymoney · 18/06/2026 17:16

Just do what you want, nobody cares but you!
I got more comments because I breastfed when everyone around me formula fed. I loved breastfeeding as no making bottles no washing bottles etc.
Maybe start with a bottle at night, then partner can give the next bottle etc. So share the night feeds.

Labamba78 · 18/06/2026 17:26

My life and the hell of post partum depression improved hugely when I stopped breastfeeding. I put so much pressure on myself and needed to justify stopping. Not popular to say, but it caused me so much distress. Do what you need to do.

FuzzyBumbleeBee · 18/06/2026 17:40

It's been a long time since I breastfed but I remember vividly that I struggled to get any sleep and moved dd1 to formula at nights but kept breastfeeding during the day and slowly tapered off

Be proud of yourself for what you've done so far and be proud that your baby will continue to be fed no matter how

Be prepared to buy a few different bottles I remember dd1 not taking to one type and having to get another

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/06/2026 18:48

I just looked in the baby tracker app I used to chart feeds. Here's a sample of 24h feeding (L/left side, R/right side). In total 2h25m was spent feeding. I didn't pump. If I was going out and would be away from baby then formula was given.
3:52am L
3:57am R
4:22am L
4:27am L
4:37am R
8:48am L
9:01am R
11:16am R
2:21pm R
4:22pm R
5:22pm L
7:25pm R
7:43pm L
9:40pm L
10:36pm R
11:10pm L

There were 12 diapers changed that day.
I didn't chart sleep, but mostly baby slept between feeds up to about 4h at night if I was lucky. It's important to know that sleeping 4-5 hours at night is considered sleeping through the night. It might be 4h during the day, though, and is wholly developmental for babies and beyond well-fed on demand there is no magic way to feed, nothing special, formula/breast, it doesn't matter. As long as baby is fed, nappies changed promptly, loved, held often (especially skin to skin) and for long durations, spoken to sweetly and with interest then you are doing all the right things. As much as people claim otherwise, you cannot manipulate their sleep and feed needs. It must be on baby's schedule for baby to be content and secure and that's incredibly difficult to adapt to and more-so for some parents.
I really struggled being awake/asleep/awake/just falling asleep then awake again, but I did get through it. Sleeping when baby slept, although trite advice, really did help me.

AgnesMcDoo · 18/06/2026 18:49

Baby will sleep when baby is ready. How you feed won’t make any difference to that.

Gardenisablooming · 18/06/2026 18:51

Pot luck ime. Breast fed all.. Lots.
Some slept 12 hours at weeks old. Some nearer 9 months.
Imo making up bottles is Hell On Earth.. Bf makes life so much easier!
Rooting for you op.

AbsoluteHoot · 18/06/2026 18:52

You don’t need to justify it.

I exclusively breast fed mine, but only because I found it incredibly easy, had masses of milk and I loved it. I co-slept and fed whilst sleeping, so I wasn’t tired.

If I’d not had a breeze, I’d have stopped. Babies are just fine on formula.

Lotsofsnacks · 18/06/2026 18:59

wanderingwillows · 18/06/2026 07:42

Persisted for 8 long weeks but DS’s sleep is terrible. Not seeming to have full feeds but snacking constantly. Most nights I’m up every hour. DH gives a bottle of expressed milk late evening but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I assume things will be better if we gave formula. I’m also sick of being touched all the time, my boobs ache, I feel self-conscious in public, I never know what to wear.
AIBU to give up now at 8 weeks? Would this be premature? Part of me feels like I’ve worked so hard this whole time in the hope of it getting easier in the long run, so wondering whether I’d be giving up right when it’s about to get better

I breast fed exclusively to 6 weeks then did mix feeding with a couple of bottles of formula a day. My dc took a bottle also no problem. Like your baby mine was slow putting on weight but as soon as formula was also introduced I felt she started gaining weight better. I also had the midwife on my back at first about feeding more: but I was constantly nursing. Looking back we didn’t have a great latch from the start and then struggled going forwards

ExplodingSmittens · 18/06/2026 19:11

BFing should stop when either you or your LO are ready. There’s no perfect time.

You can stop any time you like and you don’t have to justify your decision to anyone.

If you do want to talk it through, including coming up with a plan to stop without giving yourself mastitis then I’d really recommend talking it through with a BFC on one of the helplines.

For tonight though, can you feed LO from both sides using breast compressions then get your DH/DP to take him out for a walk or a drive for at least an hour so that you can sleep?

nhs.uk

Breastfeeding help and support - Best Start in Life - NHS

It can take a while to feel confident with breastfeeding, but there is lots of help and support available. Find out more.

https://www.nhs.uk/best-start-in-life/baby/feeding-your-baby/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-help-and-support/

ChapmanFarm · 18/06/2026 19:21

It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can mix feed. Give a bottle before bed for example but feed in the day.

You may need to express a little while your body adjusts but combination feeding is perfectly possible.

But if it's in your best interests to change to formula, don't feel bad about it. A baby with a functioning mother gains more.

Mclaren10 · 18/06/2026 19:38

You can stop whenever you want but if you want to keep going, even partially, I would get his latch checked and some advice as that seems to be very frequent bf at this stage. It should be getting easier now.

Charel2girl5 · 18/06/2026 19:39

I breastfed up to 4 months with both of my kids but they always had a late feed (DH) with formula which definitely got them settled for 5/6 hours. They adapted fine despite the endless doom sayers predictions.
You do what suits you and don’t be guilted by people who are not living you life! Best of luck.

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