AIBU to think I’ve had the worst onboarding in history?

[Donotfitin]

I think I wrote about this before. I started my new job three months ago. Lovely on paper. Turned up and it was... not that.
What followed was frankly something out of some 80s sitcom. Decisions made by people who'd never met me, who had no clue about what the UK region needs, based on a model that nobody actually likes, including the people running it.
At various points in the last three months:
*I nearly quit
*Had to take seeing pills
*Cried before my shower
*ended up with no manager for more than a month , making executive decisions for the region because everyone assumed someone else had sorted it. But nobody had and HR completely washed their hands.

But then today…. The boss of all of them realised of the comedy of errors that had been happening for the last 3 months, and my life got sorted in 10mins!

It’s still unclear if this will benefit me in the long run, but at least I now have someone to approve my annual leave!

And hopefully will also give me a carte Blanche around my performance bonus.

Well they’re hired me for role A, and on my first day they told me it was actually for role A/B.

My manager was pretty bad she used phrases like “why would I trust you?”. Anyway, complained to her boss in a nice way… and like 2 weeks later they told me I would now only do role A, and would get a new manager.

but I never got a new manager….. So there was I “leading” the region with my own understanding of how I should be doing things while everybody else higher up just thought that somebody had dealt with me.

but I was never included in the wider department meetings so it’s pretty obvious to me that whoever was supposed to action it never did, and the people below him just stayed quiet.

@Donotfitin They sound like pretty fundamental things, there is no way you could succeed under those circumstances. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you! I know the saga is not over, and I feel like I deserve an explanation for their incompetence BUT as long as they give me my full quarterly bonus I’m cool. To add insult to injury the quarterly KPIs were all based on the A/B role and obviously nobody has changed them or tracked them or anything….

What does it even mean? A start in a new job?

It’s what HR use to make their role around getting new starters set up sound more important than it is.

I mean even gov.uk uses that terminology…

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/simplifying-the-onboarding-process-for-new-starters-communication-resources

TIL that onboarding is a word
and that seeing pills help you sleep
😁

Thank you, but I left Government UK 25 years ago. I don't recall they used that term then.

Thank you. That sounds about right. I wonder if they culled it from"The Office".

I’ve always used it in my working life and it goes beyond the Office…

I remember years ago starting a new job and some young guy appearing in reception on my first day chewing gum and telling me the manager was late but he'd take me upstairs.

It was a big multinational that specialised in HR systems of all things.

He walked me up to my desk and pointed at it before walking over to his desk. There was a cm of dust on top of it and a huge cardboard box of invoices that had nothing to do with my job.

I decided right there and then to not bother making friends as I wouldn't be staying long.

I think you may have started work as I retired.

That’s quite frankly bollocks.

Hope that’s not too wanky a word for you.

I’m actually doing a decent job and their pension scheme is fantastic, plus the pay is decent too (especially if I get my bonus!)

You are not BU for having had a rubbish time, but I can raise you to having no one to meet me (and I mean no one) on Day 1 so wondered if I had imagined the role. I eventually had a meeting with one of my "new" colleagues at 4pm on Day 1 who spent (I kid you not) 2 hours telling me she should have had my job and asking to see my CV. It took another two weeks for my boss to meet with me, at which point I was told I needed to bring in £2m of income over the next 6 months (still not met the team at this point). Week 3 my laptop arrived, and had met the rest of the team who were lovely. The "odd" colleague was still an issue, refusing to meet or contribute to management of the team which was in their job description.

Week 4 (now with laptop) spent time looking at the accounts and realised everything I had been told about the finance, income generation and underpinning business model was rubbish. Week 5 was job hunting as business clearly not financially viable. Week 8 had a new role lined up. Boss was lovely but had zero experience. And in the 2020s taking 4 weeks to get a functioning laptop pretty much says it all 😆

And I thought getting it on my first day was bad lol

Or a Hall of Fame.

Not BU at all, but allow me to raise you mine ...

Australian state govt role, medium-high level. I was moving from the private sector and knew govt would be different, but was astounded at how bad, ahem, "strategically ambiguous" it was.
Friday before Day 1: Called to confirm starting time, as nothing in contract. Boss was annoyed when I confirmed X address as in contract, and gave me a completely different address, then said everyone was working from home.
Day I: Arrive on time. Boss glares at me, wanders off and ignores me until the afternoon. No introductory email, no work to begin.
By week 2, still no induction. No IT system training, no written scope of the role, no staff contact list, no IT or HR contact list. Govt-issued laptop not connecting to the system. At this point I should have walked.
Week 4: I needed the style guide for written materials. "The what?"
Week 5: "My laptop is still not connecting to the system." "Oh, that's because your home internet is too slow." "OK, what speed do I need?" "I don't know."
Week 6: "Why haven't you signed the form to authorise you to drive the office car?" It was the first I'd heard of this car, or the form.
Week 9: "Why don't you have your regulation safety equipment?" It was the first I'd heard of this equipment. The relevant staff were on indefinite sick leave, so I ended up buying my own.
Week 12: Realised the laptop couldn't connect because it had obsolete software, so shut off the software. Boss admitted she knew about the dead software but was furious anyway.
Week 13: "Why haven't you signed the form to authorise you to drive the project team car?" As per week 6, it was the first I'd heard of this car, or the form.

By the four-month mark I'd taught myself the job (which was not a brand-new role). But I was fed up with the inefficiency and disingenuous attitude, so quit and reported the manager for negligence.

I’ve never called it onboarding. And I’ve never heard anyone else say it either, unless they are going on a boat!

This seems to have absolutely nothing to do with invading/induction/orientation. It’s a company work structure/process/oversight issue which is seperate and distinct.

No it's not, she's right.

Wow, how did you survive 4 years??

Never heard it called onboarding before, made me think of departing on some form of transport for a far away journey Always been called an induction followed by a probationary period. I've had some jobs with little to no induction and it was tough trying to make sense of what was expected of me. Never felt like leaving but one job was so chaotic that it made me very wary and I began to look for something else as soon as I could

Can you really not believe that people don’t know what it means, despite them saying they don’t? Not being able to believe what people don’t know suggests a very narrow existence.

According to Merriam Webster:

Preliminary research dates the noun onboarding to the early 1990s, but it really didn't get much use until the early part of this century, and it's still not familiar to those outside the corporate world. Its verbal counterpart, onboard, is also used, but not as frequently. Some people complain about the term onboarding, which they consider an unfortunate example of annoying business-speak.

I want some seeing pills!
what’s the significance of you crying before a shower?