WWYD - water fight party and nasty neighbour?

[GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf]

So, my son had asked for a water fight birthday for his 6th. Sounds fine, we’ve got loads of water guns ect, probably will be a pretty cheap party too.

The issue is, our garden isn’t going to be big enough or particularly good for that kind of thing but my dad’s is perfect. Literally ideal garden for it! He would be well up for hosting as well (he’ll probably bloody join in). All the parents of the kids who would be invited know him as he often does pick up, he also does community work sorting the local football club ect.

The only issue is his neighbour. The guy next door is not very nice. He has shouted at my kids a few times and last year it culminated in him grabbing my DD by the arm outside the front when she was playing (NOT ON HIS PROPERTY). Ultimately my dad saw this and went out and to be honest the only reason my dad didn’t batter him on the spot was because I got in the way. Tbh, if my daughter wasn’t stood there I’d have just let him thump the guy. This guy has an issue with all the kids on the street btw not just mine.

I really want to give my son a good party that he will remember, he’s been really great this year and has had some hard times which he’s handled like a champ but I’m worried. WWYD? Talk to the neighbour before hand? Or just try and find somewhere else? I can’t really do it in a public place or public park, I considered the beach or Loch Lomond but I don’t want to be responsible for that many kids around open water, plus we would need loads more adults.

YBU - patch the idea and do something else
YNBU - do it at your dad’s house and fuck the neighbour.

Maybe send your dad round to politely let him know, so he can choose to go out if he wishes. Sounds like your dad is quite capable and willing to deal with him as required! Don’t be chased out by a miserable bugger.

It’s good practice, good manners, if you are going to have a noisy and messy party in your garden, to inform the neighbours first. You tell them the start time and expected end time and apologise in advance for any disturbance. This gives them the option to go out at the time.
Beyond that, crack on and enjoy yourselves. It sounds really fun!

I agree, either verbally inform the next door neighbour or put a note through the door about the party. I'd also ask the kids to not spray the guns/water balloons or whatever near or over any fences.

The polite thing to do if you’re hosting what is likely to be a very noisy party, is to pre-warm your neighbours. A nice note through the door telling them what time it starts and finishes is all it takes. I’d also make sure the children know they’re not allowed to spray water over the fences.

I'm not normally a fan of notes through the door instead of face to face conversation.

But in this instance, I'd worry if the neighbour kicked off that your dad would want to get violent with him.

If he gets done for that, I can't see him being able to continue his community work.

Yes note through the door warning him is only manners. I really get on with my neighbours but would still let them know about a party like this. It will be really noisy. I’m not saying don’t do it but be considerate

We are definitely going to inform all neighbours and invite the other kids, my main concern is that this guy has a habit of calling the police (called the police over my dad having a BBQ)? And also swearing. My kids have heard it all so it doesn’t phase them but I’m worried about other people’s kids going home and saying “mummy what does cunt/bastard/wankstain/ mean??” 😭😭. I am probably completely overthinking it.

And I will make it very clear anyone who sprays over the fence will get in big trouble and won’t get a party bag. But the reason dad’s garden is good is he has hedges.

Nothing you can do about the swearing except warn parents that their kids heard it.

Mind you, I imagine they'd be rather scared if the man next door started hurling abuse over the fence?

Starting to change my mind a bit now.

Perhaps it's not such a good idea.

I’m contemplating sending DH round because as much as my dad is normally pretty chill he’s been looking for an excuse to deck the guy since he laid a hand on his granddaughter. DH is much more composed but still firm.

How about you say no to a water fight party in a garden and suggest a swimming pool location?

Personally, I would look for an alternative venue. It sounds like a recipe for disaster and your dad is likely to lose his shit should anything kick off. Not a good look in front of other kids and parents. I wouldn’t want my kids seeing that.

Ok, in that case I'd scrap the whole idea.

If he assaulted his neighbour in front of the children, you'd have more than a bit of swearing to explain to their parents.

Maybe don't send your dad round - he seems to want an excuse to hit the guy and would lose his role in the community!
Send a note. Have the party. If he starts swearing at kids phone the police yourself?

What is his actual problem? Is it literally that he's a nasty, joyless old bugger and he thinks that it should be illegal - and reportable to the police - if anybody else enjoys themselves; even children? Does he really think that children having harmless fun is a negative thing? It's a shame you can't go back and get video footage from when he was that age - I bet he didn't just sit quietly in his garden all the time as a child, making sure that he didn't make a sound or risk having any fun.

I'm not sure a note will actually do any good, personally. It will probably just make him more determined that you're in the wrong. "Well, they knew that they were being so unreasonable that they even put notes through everybody's doors to try to justify their behaviour..."

Even if he were a normal neighbour, I still don't see why you'd need to notify everybody. It's kids playing - and being noisy - as a one-off, presumably not for hours and hours on end and in daytime hours? This is part and parcel of living in a neighbourhood with other houses surrounding you.

What do the police actually say? Do they come out? Or does he make up lies and vastly exaggerate the situation? We had a nasty neighbour who once angrily demanded the council come out to remove the actual tons of rubbish that had been fly-tipped outside his home and was blocking him from accessing his property. They sent a couple of big vans and several blokes out, only to find that it was a single pop can and fish and chip wrapping that somebody had pushed into his hedge. He's definitely now on their list of time-wasters/trouble-makers - as I'm sure your DF's neighbour is too.

Id go for an alternative venue. A water fight party is inevitably going to end up with water over the fences into the neighbour’s garden. Most people would tolerate this as a one off if pre-warned but this guy will definitely kick off. It’s not fair on any of the kids for them to have to listen to twatty neighbour.

I think you can't hold it at your dad's. You should be able to but his neighbours behaviour means that isn't fair on the children. You say his garden is perfect, but it isn't because of his neighbour. I normally don't like the thought of bad behaviour winning, but you have to think about how the kids would feel if he shouted over the fence / there became a physical altercation.

We have a waterfight with our Y6 leavers each year. We have a massive playground and yet still somehow get water everywhere: often in the alley outside. Unless you can guarantee that no water is going to go over the fence into the neighbour's garden, I would definitely suggest speaking to them first. It's just good manners - regardless of how he's behaved before.

Ironically, it's people like this who constantly complain about how horrible their street is to have to live on - when the only person who's making it like that is themselves.

It's just water, though - it dries and disappears in no time in warm weather.

Do people like OP's DF's neighbour go out and angrily shake their fists at the sky every time it rains? As long as they aren't directly or deliberately shot at, it's insane.

Yes it's just water but if this man has a propensity to shout and swear in front of children, and if the OP's dad is violent, this has all the hallmarks of a disaster waiting to happen.

If he kicks off dial 999

It could have been done when he laid hands on your child

F him! Have the party and let the kids enjoy themselves, it will be what, 3 hours tops? It’s ridiculous to be angry about that for a 6 year olds birthday
I wouldn’t even inform him

I wouldn’t want the stress and potential kick off as it would be mortifying if the police show up. Maybe convince him of a different party idea and have a small water fight at home. Taking a bunch of kids round for a party when you know the neighbour would be annoyed would be silly.

I wouldn’t have a party there and tbh a water fight party sounds like a recipe for disaster anywhere.

Id just book the usual trampoline or bowling party, it will be less stressful!

^ This

Putting myself in neighbours shoes is want a warning as I wouldn’t put my washing out if it’s going to get soaked. Aside from that couldn’t care less.

Don’t squirt or hose him though, is that going to an issue? As I believe it may be classed as a police issue if they do. I’m sure there was a story in the news a few years back.