AIBU to be upset he has cut off my eldest daughter?

[GeorgeClarkefan]

I initiated a separation from my husband, the father of my youngest daughter two months ago. He has been the only father figure in my eldest daughter’s life and they had a good relationship.

He has engaged a solicitor who has now sent me a letter re: shared residency of our joint child and our house which I can stay in until our joint child goes to university (or is 19) no surprises.

I have to acknowledge however, that my eldest (other than a quarter of my assets) has no claims on any marital assets and there is also a line which says that in the event of my husband’s death my stepdaughter will not assert her rights until younger daughter goes to university (or is 19).

None of this bothers me but I am shocked and distraught that my husband never asks about eldest or includes her in any outings he has had with youngest.

When I challenged him he says he misses her but it would be too complicated to include her as the law is brutal and she could establish some rights if he continued a relationship with her, a child he has known for over eight years and who he saw more often than his eldest child. I am shocked he can walk away from her so easily.

OK can people back off please? I said the OP should take legal advice and mentioned a possibility.

I didn't say to do anything else.

It was the sort of post that quite honestly was so farcical I thought you were joking!

Legal advice for what? It was probably ridiculous comments like this in her previous threads that encouraged OP to go ahead with the separation from DH.

I know there has been talk of ponies, but was the straw that broke the camel's back and that brought about the end of the marriage ballet?

Thanks, I missed it and had reasons to think ballet.

OP, did you ask your husband for a separation because you thought it would force his hand? Were you expecting him to say, "Please don't leave, we can work this out, I'll spend less time with my eldest daughter and I'll insist that my mum starts spending money on her step-grandchild?"

I agree with this. It does seem like maybe the DH’s family tried to balance keeping the ‘real family’ to help with the DH’s daughter as she was left out by OP. But OP kept trying to push her daughter in.

The sad thing to me is if op hadn't been so beyond pushy and obvious maybe in time the family would have seen the daughter in a better light. Maybe if op had treated the step daughter as she wanted her daughter treated that might have helped too. This is all so about money and ex h family caught on quick.

Yes, look at it from the MIL's point of view. Of course she wasn't going to be particularly fond of someone who treated her granddaughter as an outsider, and was clearly after money for her own daughter.