Husband calls me names

[namecalling123]

I just hoovered the outdoor rug, not realising it was wet. So the handheld hoover now has water in it. Husband sees this and gets angry, because it'll now need taking apart and cleaning.

Lots of shouting at me, saying I've done this before, and don't I remember, and then I was called a Fucking Mungo, and Fucking Retard and a Fucking Spazmoid. Lots of slamming about when he cleans it. And he was shaking with anger.

AIBU that the name calling is wrong? He has since apologised, but I don't think we should be name calling at all. A few weeks ago was raged at for a good 15 mins and called a stupid Cunt because I wanted to take 2 cars somewhere (won't bore you with the details).

He says he was angry today, because I had a go at him last night for burning the dinner (which I did).

It was only a £45k car, made to special order in the US, awaited for 9months as it was one of the first ever made, and very much saved-for and wanted. He had had it for 8 days (hence I forgot it was on the drive and that the spot where it was parked was no longer empty).

He was devastated. Took a few days for his mood to lift again, but he was speaking to me again within the hour. He’s never parked any of his cars in that spot again, though 😬

It will likely be referenced at our 25th wedding anniversary party next year, no doubt, as even his friends tease me about it.

But, not to hog the thread - @namecalling123 I truly hope you can see that you deserve better. That if your supposedly loving partner cannot regulate his mood and behaviour towards you in what is, really, not a big deal in the scheme of things - then where is your assurance that he will be there for you when something major happens? If he does not have your back on the little things, if you cannot go about your day knowing that no matter what you do he loves you unconditionally - and with utter respect and consideration - then where does that leave you? You deserve so much better. I know I was glib with the LTB comment above, but I really would recommend you have some counselling just to navigate why you are questioning his response and, in time, like others here, I would ask him to get some therapy for anger management and to explore whether your relationship has a future.

Sometimes we stay with someone because they are like an old pair of slippers - not comfortable, exactly, but we know what to expect when we put them on and if we bin them and buy new we’ll have to break them in and deal with blisters or find they are just as bloody uncomfortable… after 18 years, the prospect of reasserting your boundaries and insisting he reframe his behaviour towards you may seem daunting, but I truly would take time to consider what you want out of your relationship and your life going forward. I can only send you a hug as I imagine you are reeling, but whatever you did you could NEVER have deserved to be spoken to the way he did.

Oh come on!!!
Of course OP shouldn’t have had a go over burnt dinner, but she doesn’t deserve to be called a fucking cunt/ retard/ etc