Husband calls me names

[namecalling123]

I just hoovered the outdoor rug, not realising it was wet. So the handheld hoover now has water in it. Husband sees this and gets angry, because it'll now need taking apart and cleaning.

Lots of shouting at me, saying I've done this before, and don't I remember, and then I was called a Fucking Mungo, and Fucking Retard and a Fucking Spazmoid. Lots of slamming about when he cleans it. And he was shaking with anger.

AIBU that the name calling is wrong? He has since apologised, but I don't think we should be name calling at all. A few weeks ago was raged at for a good 15 mins and called a stupid Cunt because I wanted to take 2 cars somewhere (won't bore you with the details).

He says he was angry today, because I had a go at him last night for burning the dinner (which I did).

That's not a good idea, why would you want him to see this thread? He's an abusive bully and I would be concerned for your safety after he reads this

Leave. This is the end of the relationship.

This ⬆️

No man - whoever they are will ever call me that and remain in my life.
No man.

Someone calling me the first three names would result in me bursting out laughing. Call me a C-word and that wet rug would have left an imprint on his face. Don't take this from him. You don't need to. Why are you putting up with this? Do you need some resources to leave? If so, someone will be along to assist. MN is good for this.

He doesn’t call anyone else these names because he knows it’s unacceptable. He knows it’s abuse and he’s hoping you are so desperate and low in self esteem that you’ll accept it so he can feel like the big put upon man having to tolerate someone he hates and has no respect for.

If he does read this thread it will just be a new insult to throw at you. Nothing you’ve said about him demonstrates he has the emotional intelligence or will to change his behaviour. The only thing you can change is your willingness to tolerate his abuse.

You "hate it", yet you stay. Do you want to spend the next 20/30 years like this? Who cares if he says he loves you (words are easy to say), he clearly doesn't like or respect you.

You aren’t the poster who posted about her husband cooking and burning a roast dinner last night are you? I think that poster said it was because he was gaming? Said the roast potatoes were burned and the meat was dry or tough or something.

If so, you clearly aren’t happy to be starting multiple posts in a day about this prince. Your children have left home - what’s stopping you from leaving?

The way he speaks to you is wholly unacceptable. My ex h was like this. He could not regulate and the fact that I could stay calm and not go off like he did when things went wrong would infuriate him. He used to name call and grab things and occasionally break things, then apologise and say he couldn't help it and didn't really think of me that way but it kept happening and it sure felt like it. He ruined a few outings with his outbursts. I gradually got as we would do them without him when he did, or just plan things without him. Because we had a young DS I walked on eggshells a lot so he wouldn't react in front of DS. I often wish we had split up long before we did. You don't have to live like this OP.

The awful names he calls you, and keeps on calling you, and has done it before, and the display of anger suggest to me that he is not liking you very much.
Am I safe and guessing that you don't like him much for that either?
" Shaking with anger", hmm.. what else is going on in his life?
Could be he's taking whatever that is out on you.
Either way it's unacceptable and YANBU.

Honestly, I would just leave. I wouldn't put up with anybody speaking to me like that, especially the person who is supposed to love and care for you!

@BertieMartini ·
"Fucking Mungo, and Fucking Retard and a Fucking Spazmoid
Is he ok?"

Yeah, he sounds very far from OK. He obviously needs some sort of help. But that's not your job OP. So you've got two choices. Stay and be abused by an unhinged man-child bully or get out before you get too old and/or he physically hurts you.

Er no that's not normal at all.

Also, I've hoovered up water loads of times, it's really not a big deal unless its like gallons of water and the bag/tub is overflowing. It's literally a non issue.

Did you speak to him the same kind of way when he burnt the dinner?

I'd never allow anyone to talk to me like that. There would be a first and last time.

You are in an abusive marriage OP. You have to decide whether you want to continue. Why would you want to stay and be subjected to that?

OP, please reach out to domestic abuse charities and the police if he becomes aggressive.

The police ard well used to dealing with bullys.

This doesn't have to be your life.

He isn't going to accept it, he will just dig his heels in and tell you we are wrong and stupid and evil and fucking retards and nothing is his fault. He might latch on to the person who deemed his abuse "a tad excessive".

And it doesn't matter. He is not going to change at this late stage. This is your life with him. What do you want your life to be?

Very retro insults!

That is a horrendous way to speak to anybody nevermind a spouse.

Name calling is bad enough. The choice of names is deplorable and he should be ashamed. It sounds as though he doesn't like you much OP. They say you should listen to what a person says in anger, as they're relaying their true thoughts and feelings. Personally I'd be leaving this relationship.

Life is too short to live this way. Find a quiet place alone and imagine your life without a man calling you vile names, wrenching things from your hands, making you walk on eggshells. Imagine peace, calmness, tranquility, having a life where you choose to spend your precious time with people who like and love you rather than an abusive man.

I'd live in a fucking hovel and be happier than in a castle with this man. Best wishes as you begin to see that this is not the life you want and you embark on a happy one without a nasty foul mouthed abuser in your bed.

Agree. It's not a good idea.

Never mind whether he loves you, do you love him? Personally I couldn't love someone who was that nasty to me or anyone else.

I do love him, and he is nice most of the time. It's just this behaviour that I hate. Like an explosion over something mundane. He is now full of remorse. But this is the cycle we repeat.

Then it's not going to change.

Make your decisions based on that knowledge.

I have children but they left home years ago. We are mid 50’s. Sadly I grew up in a household where this was the norm, and I hate it. He knows this.

Your upbringing sadly may have led you to a man like this, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it now or stay the rest of your life. Don’t let it define you. Do yourself a favour and get out. In your mid 50s you could still have plenty of peaceful and abuse free years left.