Husband calls me names

[namecalling123]

I just hoovered the outdoor rug, not realising it was wet. So the handheld hoover now has water in it. Husband sees this and gets angry, because it'll now need taking apart and cleaning.

Lots of shouting at me, saying I've done this before, and don't I remember, and then I was called a Fucking Mungo, and Fucking Retard and a Fucking Spazmoid. Lots of slamming about when he cleans it. And he was shaking with anger.

AIBU that the name calling is wrong? He has since apologised, but I don't think we should be name calling at all. A few weeks ago was raged at for a good 15 mins and called a stupid Cunt because I wanted to take 2 cars somewhere (won't bore you with the details).

He says he was angry today, because I had a go at him last night for burning the dinner (which I did).

Abuse. See solicitor asap. Divorce this angry abusive bastard.
nobody deserves to be treated like this

If he's going to read this then " oi mate, you're a prick of the first note. Noone decent calls their wife a fucking retard/spazmoid or anything else come to that. What's your problem"

OP, he truly is a fuckwit and getting so worked up about something that trivial. What's your financial situation like, can you kick him into touch?

Why stay with him ? Respect yourself a bit more and find better.

“I love sandwiches and they aren’t full of glass most of the time. It’s just the ones that cut my mouth that I hate”.

If you heard someone making that statement you’d think there was something wrong with them to continue choosing to eat food that was harming them.

You hate his behaviour: he appears to hate you. These things are not equal.

As long as you tolerate this behaviour and forgive his crocodile tears he will continue to do it because he is not going to respect you more than you respect yourself.

You clearly aren’t ready to accept the stark reality of your relationship and make changes. It takes people several events to make the break usually.

One day he will go far enough that you will be ready to go. I just hope that by then the abuse isn’t physical.

There’s never any physical abuse. It would be easy for him at 6 ft 3, and me at 5 ft if he wanted to, but he doesn’t do that.

To the PP who said call the Police, he is in the Police!

@namecalling123 just because he has not been physical to date doesn’t mean he won’t be in future. The fact he is police means he understands how to regulate his emotions in stressful situations so he is choosing to abuse you and within the limits of what could be proven or actionable should you report him.

The rates of DV in force members is extremely high.

He is disgusting and he’s choosing to speak to you this way.

He’d be my ex- husband if he did that to me.

The first time he called me the c word would be the last because that would be the end of our relationship.

No no no no no no no! Why you in a relationship with someone that uses such language.

YAB totally U for being in a relationship this person.

As a PP has said, he is not a catch. Yuk!

I wouldn't fucking have that, I'd be gone. First time he called me a cunt, I'd be serving him divorce papers. You need to have some self respect and leave him because he has none for you. He's nasty, aggressive and can't control himself, what exactly is attractive about that?

As for being in the police? I'd be quite happy to call them and let his work colleagues see what an abusive, nasty piece of work he is.

I would say to him yes I was probably some of those things when I married you but I’m not anymore the cloud has lifted, so pack your bags and fuck off now cunt. X

Why are you defending him being abusive now?

he's in the police

Ah well that says it all. He's a fucking bully bastard.

Another one.

Oh, I forgot to mention in the Op, he also did that thing where you poke your tongue into a cheek and make a "DER" sound.

It sounds awful. He is nice 90% of the time, but just can't seem to control his anger sometimes, and then we get this huge over reaction, before he calms down and then feels huge remorse.

The nice bits are pretend to keep you there.

People who are remorseful, don't keep doing it again and again.

Get your phone and record him. Send it to him and to his mother (so long as there is no chance he is violent).

I've never thought to record him before! I will actually do that. Sadly his mum is no longer with us.

This is way beyond what is acceptable in a relationship. You need to end it IMHO. For the sake of your mental health and personal self esteem.

you’re in a toxic, abusive marriage the only solution here is LBT those words stay with you forever and it hurts been through that and it’s definitely not love . Love is kind.

So that makes it alright because he doesn’t hit you?

I think I struggle to see what's normal and what's not. I grew up with a verbally abusive alcoholic father. My first H was a cheater who used low level violence at times (pushing, kicking under the table). Now this. We have been together a long time (18 years). He has always been prone to moodiness, but like I say, 90% of the time we have a good, fun relationship. He maintains that he is prone to outbursts due to the stress of his job. He retires next year.

Imagine what he calls people in his custody.

He has actually never put a foot wrong at work! Which makes me think he can control himself when he needs to! Which I have said to him.