To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

If you are wanting to do proper strength training to gain muscle rather than train your muscular endurance then yes you’d need a gym or a kitted out home gym. You can make some reasonable progress at home on your upper body and core, but the muscles in your lower body are so large that you’d quickly outgrow any weights at home. If you’re not currently doing anything though, it’s worth adding any kind of resistance training or weight lifting into your lifestyle. You also don’t necessarily need to use machines at the gym, free weights are generally better, but appreciate it takes a while to gain the confidence to use those for most people

Check my earlier post for a list of online trainers @redblueyellow21

Growingannanas, Heather Robertson and Caroline Girvan are excellent.

I completely get it. The prospect of going to the gym made me feel exactly the same but I know that the benefits of strength training are undeniable. So, I spoke to a trainer at a local gym and asked for a really short programme as I knew that a 1 hour session would be pointless. Three years on… I still go 2 - 3 times a week and spend longer there each time than I did initially. I am stronger than I have ever been and know that it is an investment in my health for the longer term.
Of course it is entirely your decision (who likes being told what they should do?) but I hope that what I am doing will give me choices in later years that might not be available to those with health conditions such as osteoporosis for example.
I much prefer the evenings I don’t visit the gym but I have never come across someone who regrets investing in their health.

I feel slightly jaded by all of the earnest encouragement to "just go to the gym" to do these essential weight training sessions. I don't have the time and am not comfortable in my body to join a gym.

Plus there's the lack of knowledge. How much weight am I meant to lift, and how often? Does it only count if using a proper bar (???) With heavy weights? I have an 8kg kettlebell i lift 90 times twice a week (a variety of squats and single arm lifts and swings) but is there any point to that if it isn't heavy enough?

Urgh. It just feels like there is always more that you have to do. That it doesn't count unless it's heavy weight lifting or in a gym or for an hour. There seems to be a constantly changing end goal that will never be achieved with unrealistic expectations.

I am with you @beewaspfly I want to lie in the ground and drum my heels in a tantrum.

Well you'll have plenty of time to do that when you're old, from the sounds of it! It's really not that difficult to learn about if you put in 30 minutes or had one session with a PT. You don't have to do hours and hours of weights, but your muscles are attached to your joints - it's literally how you move - as you get old your muscle already starts to break down as it is, if you don't bother maintaining it while you can, you will find yourself seriously lacking in mobility and independence. If you don't care about any of that, then keep on keeping on.

The only other thing you really should care about is your VO2 max as that's the best predictor of a longer life. So a bit of cardio. You could make reasonable progress lifting weights twice a week, trying to lift heavier weight or perform more reps each week as you do that, eating a bit more protein, and doing something that gets you out of breath a couple of times a week. It's really not that complicated.

3-4 kg dumbbells are good to start with@OotontheRandan . Then work your way up as you outgrow each weight. You could get adjustable dumbbells but they can be fiddly and unwieldy.

I have long since given away my 3 kg, but my three sets - 5 kg, 8 kg and 10 kg work perfectly for me. 5 kg for HIIT based workouts, 8 kg for arms/shoulders, 10 kg for legwork.

Try Growingannanas, Heather Robertson and Caroline Girvan on YouTube.

if you want to start weight training but don't want to use a PE, gyms often offer intro to weights sessions, where they show you all the machines and what they do. there is also ton of info online, various apps and even ChatGPT can put you a reasonable program together. it sounds more complicated than it really is.

I mean, yeah of course exercise (especially strength training) is good for you etc etc, but I know what you mean - it's a chore to have to do....I go through fits and starts with it BUT tbh, if you've got a grandmother in her 90s who's still going strong then you've got some very blessed genes there and will be probably be ok in any case! :)

It's not that complicated... just eat more protein, care about your VO2 MAX, lift progressively heavier weights, more reps, get out of breath, see a PT...

That is exactly what i mean about these earnest extortionate about how easy and simple it all is and if I don't do it then I pretty much deserve to be an immobile brittle old hag who cannot move herself further than the chip on her shoulder.

What do you not understand about what I said? Lift some weights twice a week. Do something that gets you out of breath twice a week. Eat some more eggs and a protein shake. If you don't find that simple I fear you have more to worry about than your deteriorating muscles

If you are GP presume it useful and easy to tell everyone to exercise more. So don't think too deeply into it, I'm sure they believe exercises brings lots benefits so spread the word.
Your friend prob enjoy it. I love exercise makes me feel great but I also like to eat so I'm strong prob good bones and fairy good health but I also like eating and I also have a lot stress so need the balance.
You lucky you are not fat sound healthy enjoy your walks if you do gardening or some physical work around house it good help too
Genes are huge factor also in quality of life

hmm, sort of disagree. When people say exercise you enjoy I think of essentially
'ways of being active.'

Stuff like running, weights, general gym is ultimately exercise for the sake of exercise. I can see why people don't like that. I can also see why people (including myself) hate team sports.

But there are so many other alternatives out there. Stuff like dancing, tennis, martial arts, surfing, rollerskating, hiking, paddleboarding, sailing, skiing, yoga etc. is (supposed to be) primarily fun (and competitve/relaxing/de-stressing/adventurous/exciting, etc.), with the exercise an added bonus.

I would describe myself as more of a couch potato than an athlete but it seems strange to me to say that basically there is literally no form of movement at all that you even vaguely enjoy. Even OP says she likes long walks etc.

I think you missed that i do lift something twice a week (8kg kettlebell). What you don't seem to understand is how patronising people can be about "just how simple it is".

Whenever anyone says they are confused or baffled or don't know where to start, they are faced with people immediately telling them how simple it is to do the right thing, it is so simple with the undercurrent of "if you cannot do this thing that is so utterly simple then there is something wrong with you, you dolt"

Astonishingly, that isn't helpful.

About community dancing? Ceilidh’s are fantastic fun! (They tell you how to do each dance before you start).

Walking for health is like eating potatoes; good for you, but not a complete solution. You'd get by, but not all needs are being met and you need some extras to meet those needs, and no single thing is going to achieve it.

The people I've known thriving into their 80s weren't just walking, they were meeting their mobility and strength needs by functional things like carrying shopping daily and frequent gardening, so lots of bending into different positions and lifting weight.

One of my big motivators for mid-life fitness is osteo-arthritis and I've seen two generations of my family have lengthy old ages of compromised mobility and pain from mid-60s to 80s/90s. Our organs tend to keep us alive for a long time in creaking frames. If I can buy extra years of functional movement by weight-lifting, running and yoga in mid-life, that's worth a try. I do not want to be falling and breaking bones in my late 50s and 60s like DM.
The couple of trips I have had in my 40s were in close sucession when I was recovering from an achilles injury so my usual strength and agility were compromised. Normally when I snag my foot on a root, I can self-correct, but this time I ended up rather dusty in the ground wondering what the sky was doing there. Bouncing back onto my feet was easy and other than a couple of scuffs, my only bruise was to my pride. I want to be able to keep falling over and bouncing up rather than "having a fall"

The great thing about strength/ weights being encouraged in women is that it doesn't have to be awkward, lengthy sessions. Short, frequent bursts can be very practical. They don't have the inconvenience of getting sweaty/ changing that cardio has.

There's lots of unsatisfying, repetitive tasks to do in life, washing hair, unloading the dishwasher, brushing teeth, but we do them because we know that the consequences of not doing them are worse. It just takes a lot longer to notice the consequences of not exercising compared to running out of plates.

Lifting 8kg isn't really lifting, sorry.
I'm more than happy to explain any of what I said to anyone actually interested or who wants to improve their health, but I don't think you understand how incredibly tiresome it is for most people to act like this is rocket science. I work in the fitness industry, getting a PT course is literally a level 3 qualification....I'm sure you are probably educated beyond that level yourself, but 'pick up heavy things and put them down more, eat some more eggs' is too complicated? Give over, it's intentional. And the people who are 'confused' are not the same as the people like you or OP who want to have tantrums because really you just can't be arsed.

If you’re slim, active and feel OK, you don’ t have to do anything more if you don’t want to. It’s not an instant death sentence if you don’t lift weights! My mother is 80 and as fit as a fiddle through lots of walking, stretching in the mornings and the odd swim.

I have to say, though.., I was a couch potato for years and because I was slim and felt fine, I just didn’t feel motivated to do any formal exercise. At 40 you couldn’t have paid me to join a gym. Perimenopause changed all that, though, At 45 it suddenly kicked my arse with poor sleep, joint pain and just generally feeling suddenly old, and it scared me.

I’ve since cobbled together a daily exercise routine and I feel so much better and stronger and more flexibie. For the first time in my life, in my late forties, I love exercising and look forward to it.

I do weights 3 x a week at home. I cant be arsed with the faff of going to a gym. I started with videos on YouTube and learning the correct form, and I now do my own routine with my favourite music on. On other days, I do yoga which has been enormously beneficial. I think I’m probably fitter at pushing 50 I was in my 30s.

It's not about strong arms, or even muscle strength really - it's about creating stress between your muscle and bone that forces bone generation, and increasing the load of that stress to keep generating bone.

Swimming is not load bearing. Your strong arms are not preventing osteoporosis.

The positive impact and necessity of strength training/weights for mobility in old age is one of the most heavily researched and evidenced concepts in exercise science. It's far from a fad. Just say you can't be arsed and don't care, that's up to you.

Eating more protein (and fibre) and lifting progressively heavier weights is literally it.

It's not hard. It IS boring when you're doing it, but it's worth it. You don't need a PT, you don't need to care about VO2 whatever, 3 sets of 8 or 10 are fine if you are lifting heavy... It really isn't hard.

I avoid exercise that makes me sweat or jiggle as I don't like it and I don't want to do it. I walk for 30 mins a day at a pace where I'm out of breath, but that's it - and I have dogs, so it's not hard to fit in, I do it already. I don't think about VO2 Max, or measure it. I just have a nice walk.

You mention your 8kg kettleball. Yes, you could do with increasing the load. Join a gym and they have all the weights you need. Do what you're doing with a 10kg ball. Then a 12kg ball.

I don't go near freeweights - scary. I just use the machines and up the load when I don't struggle to get through 3 sets of 10 any more. The gym arranges the machines so you work all the muscles you need to. I rotate around them while listening to an audiobook or watching BBC Breakfast on the gym tv, then go home. It's not hard.

You do need to care about VO2. I find it very bizarre you'd care about weights but not VO2. VO2 is a strong mortality predictor, a high VO2 reduces the likelihood of cardiovascular disease which is important as you age, and it's proven that having a higher capacity for aerobic activity hugely assists your recovery when you are more prone to illness in old age, or if you have a fall etc. Again you don't need to overcomplicate it, getting out of breath walking you're likely increasing your VO2, but it is important as are weights. Also, depending on how you structure your lifting, you are probably increasing your VO2 if you're doing sets of 8-10 rather than eg 4-6 because the higher reps raises your heart rate higher than lower reps.

So 8kg isn't heavy enough, other posts say start with 5lb dumb bells... it isn't a tantrum because I can't be arsed, it is the fact that people like you trot along and say how simple everything is and how stupid and childish i must be for not doing it. Lift weights! That must be heavy! (How heavy? Not telling, you dolt) and eat more eggs! Or protein shakes! It is so simple, you fool.

Honestly, it is tiresome seeing how patronising you are. you work in the fitness industry of course it is simple to you. For people who are trying to fit in the essential weight lifting (or else we will be gnarled old weak women in the future) as well as the essential cardio and essential self care and essential house work and essential family life and essential paid work and essential fun and so on... it isn't as easy as you make it out to be. But anyone, you do you. I will carry on doing more than nothing and just know that it isn't good enough/hard enough/heavy enough and I am an idiot for not knowing what I should be doing.

🙄

I care about my cardiovascular health. I make sure I do 150 minutes a week walking at 4mph or higher, because the NHS guidelines say I need to do 150 mins moderate cardio, or 75 mins intensive cardio.

And yes, lifting does leave me breathless. And I've signed up for a HIIT strength circuit class, week one of which was hideous and I was very out of breath. I'll go again.

But I don't know or care about VO2 Max within all that. I'm aiming to be fit for life, but fitness isn't my hobby. I'm just finding things I don't hate and cracking on.

I didn't say 5 lb dumbbells so don't put that on me.
You said in your first post here that you wanted to have a tantrum. Like a child.
It IS simple. It IS easy. You're not stupid for not knowing how to do it, but you are stupid for letting your ego get in the way of your mobility and independence when you age. It won't be me that isn't mobile so it's no skin off my nose, but yes I will continue to 'patronise' people who behave like children. You only get one body.
And BTW I have a full time job in the public sector as well as my work in the fitness industry so don't even get me started on not bothering to make the time. Like I said - not my body. When people react like you I feel it's typically because when someone tells you how damaging your lack of interest is, you are annoyed because ignorance isn't bliss anymore. Easier to not know isn't it.

I think we're referring to the same thing in different ways so glad to hear it, it is truly great to see people caring about these things :)