To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

Just don’t do it. No one is going to persuade you to. You just feel like you have to because everyone else is. Ultimately it would help you but amazingly no one cares that much to try and persuade you to do it. Your choice!

I think the obsession with strength training is a bit exaggerated. I do walking, swimming and cardio in the gym, so I do exercise, but I don’t do weights and I think it’s a bit of a fad. Swimming for example, gives me strong arms too.
I think walking is so underrated and so good for you, but you should incorporate at least one looong hill.

My parents are in their mid 80s. They are super fit but never put a food in a gym. They are just generally active people who walk, ski, garden and never really sit stil. They are still running up the stairs in their house and never lifted a weight in their lives.

Maybe wear a weighted vest or wrist weights while you’re walking?

I am 42 and took up strength training after buggering my back a couple of years ago. I am now so in love with it that I get really excited about my 3 workouts a week. Genuinely love it. Love having a strong body that can carry heavy things and doesn’t get tired. Maybe just give it a go for a few weeks and see how you feel?

There are lots of things in life adults don't like doing, but we do them anyway. Lots wouldn't go to work, but we have to to earn money and pay our bills. I imagine few people enjoy cleaning, but again we do it because we are adults and if we want to live in a clean and tidy home, we need to do this, or at least employ a cleaner to help.

I also struggle to believe there isn't any type of exercise that you would enjoy. Does swimming in an outdoor pool, followed by a spell on a sun lounger with a paperback book not sound appealing? Or treating yourself to a sauna/jacuzzi/steam room after a swim? Or going on a longer hike where there are beautiful views? Or the acheivement of bagging a Munro?

I have always enjoyed swimming and walking, but hated 'the gym'. I am slightly older than you, and had tried various classes and the weight machines and hated them all (in relation to strength or weights work). I had tried practically everything and was on the verge of giving up and then went to Body Pump, and absolutely loved it. I have an instructor that pushes you hard and shouts at you, but is also kind and supportive. I realised I need an instructor that works you hard to get the best out of me. It's been a year now and my body is completely changed. I do weights/strength work four times a week and feel rotten if I don't do it. I know I am doing the best thing for my body and I look years younger than my age, and I'm fitter than some people decades younger than me.

But your grandparents likely had a much more active life than we do now
The rise of labour saving devices and car ownership has hugely changed society

I lifted weights all my life. On a farm, on a trawler ..rarely anything less than half a hundredweight. Stacking bales of hay, twice, carrying them to the byres, Unloading Lorries of ten tons of feed in half hundredweights bags..even hundredweights, carrying bags of coal, fish boxes, ….Anyway , it’s crippled me. My mother never lifted anything heavier than the chip pan and she’s fitter than I am and she’s 93.
Lift weights ..aye. Wish I hadn’t..I should have done accountancy 🤣

Looking after yourself and your body is never a waste of time. You dont have to lift heavy, but putting the work in will reap the rewards of not being fragile in old age. Though walking is great cardio so you're already half way there. Maybe start small? 3 sets of 8 reps of bicep curls with light weights (1-3kg) and call it a day. Then increase it over time.

What put me off going back to the gym for many years was the thought of having to be there for hours and it just felt daunting. I went back and started doing 3-4 exercises then done. Now do more as I feel comfortable doing so. Give it a try, it can only benefit you.

That sounds markedly worse than just doing the training! 😂😂😂

bloominoreilly
My mum has just been diagnosed with osteoporosis at 80 which has brought it home to me how I need to crack on with the strength training. Could you wear weights while you're walking eg a weights vest 🤔 Also, could you do some lifting at home while doing other things eg iron one item, do a set, iron another, do another set, do a set while waiting for the kettle to boil, etc

Dh was at a physio recently who was cursing weight vests and wrist/ ankle weights while walking, he said at a recent physio convention everyone was talking about the damage people were doing to themselves with them, he said keep weights and cardio separate

Lol...yes what an oymoron

Get some tiny dumbbells and do a bit of strength training whilst watching TV? I've got some 1kg ones and I dance about with them to music videos.
Could you get into gardening?
It doesn't sound like you need to do much. You are active and slim, find something bearable, do it for 30 mins three times a week and you can build some discipline as well as muscle 😉

Oh OP you are singing the song of my people here. I HATE exercise and will dread it all day if I have to do it… or at least I did until I found something I liked. But it has taken 40 years for me to come to that and I used to get really annoyed hearing people bang on about liking this exercise and that exercise because to me they were ALL less fun than, say, reading a book or doing a jigsaw or painting a picture. I could just about do the gym but would get really really bored and want to doom scroll while I did it!

If you’re wondering what caused my st-paul-on-the-road-to-Damascus realisation/change of heart, it was an absolutely brilliant exercise class mixing weightlifting with a party vibe and then a year later the same instructor mixing weights and gentle Pilates. Love, love, love both classes and will attend as long as they’re available. But only because the instructors are so lovely and it’s a genuinely fun and healing experience.

To be honest I do wonder if there was an element of demand avoidance in my earlier dislike (plus I hate the faff of getting changed afterwards etc etc!).

Anyway. My point is you are NBU to do whatever you please with your time and energy! Life is short and we have to fill it with things we love - whatever that might be ❤️

I’m 40. I used to hate exercise but got over that. I honestly feel great. I can do strengthening and conditioning classes with my 11yo, I never have aches and pains, I feel light and bouncy in my movements (sounds weird I know). I feel like I’m the best version of my 40yo self that I could be. I’m strong and toned.

Yes you are BU and you know you are. Do you want to be independent and able to move around in old age or not? If not, you’re going the right way about it. At your age, exercise shouldn’t be a nice to have - this isn’t about whether your body looks good in a bikini anymore, it’s weather you can walk around properly as you age and reducing pain on ageing joints. We do lots of things we don’t want to because they’re good for us. Strength training for women your age should be considered a non negotiable tbh

Non negotiable with whom?

Any sensible adult who wants to be able to walk when they’re old.

I think you need to think or explore with a therapist what your aversion and reaction (anger?! that’s atypical) is about and then work to understand what are the motivations for you- and frame exercise in that way to yourself.

I hated exercise all my life. At school, never did outside school, I’ve been chubby child to overweight adult. I first stepped foot in a gym earlier this year when in my early 50s. I now do a couple of classes with a gym visit twice a week. I am amazed how much I love it. My time, time for me, my music and podcasts.

I like buying things, so gym wear and looking nice is a motivation for me. I love data, so seeing my numbers change is fascinating and works for me (% fat, %muscle, visceral fat, in each body quadrant. My gym does full body scans).

But the key trigger for me, to action that point in time, is that my mum had a fall at 59 a few years older than me but broke an ankle - and her health essentially deteriorated from there. I want to be fitter and better ready for age than her, so I can make most of it, she wasn’t able to - and what a tragedy that was. I cannot bear the idea of aging and living how she did. That is my motivation.

If your mum is 70s and frail after a fall already OP, that’s a worry. She shouldn’t be frail really until into 80s these days. Would you be content with her life limitations? I know I wasn’t.

edit to add: and those saying just walk, eat healthily, garden, just be active instead, that is not enough. The evidence is clear. My numbers show that as an everyday very active person with 12k steps fast walking a day, gardening, housework, DIY, decorating etc too was not good enough. I was not healthy enough.

Your choice. Don’t regret it in twenty years time.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Keep searching for something you might enjoy. Sounds like you've tried a lot of solo activities where you can't really talk to anyone. Try group or social ones where you can talk/join clubs like indoor climbing / rowing - pole fitness is popular with my friends (especially older, as less impact on knees and mostly upper body strength from what I hear). If you find something you enjoy, it won't feel like work.

Other than that, life should be enjoyed. If you're happy doing what you're doing, don't change. Unless... You think about it and decide that you wouldn't want to be one of the unlucky ones who end up spending decades in pain / discomfort and not able to go on long walks anymore, because you didn't exercise a bit more in the week! Up to you, isn't it.

This is good advice from @TokyoTantrum

”Can you do it angry, with angry music? Even if just for 10 minutes?”

OP I hate exercise too but menopausal metabolic needs must. I play techno quite loud and put on a cardio vid; when I’m walking I go as fast as I possibly can, again to fast EDM in my headphones. I am lucky to wfh and I set my alarm for 4 times a day and do 10 mins of weights and squats each time. Have you thought about boxing to take your frustrations out on?

It’s far from perfect but I definitely feel the benefits in terms of fewer aches and pains, less stiff etc.

Is everyone going to the gym and lifting proper weights? Is that the only way to do strength training properly?

We only have 2 gyms nearby. 1 is a black, smelly, horrible experience (for me - my husband is ok with it) but is small and limited equipment. The other is the Lesuire centre which is equally tiny. Every time I go, all the machines are in use and I just think, why is there not more equipment if it’s supposed to be so important? I don’t bother anymore as I can never use anything. And they aren’t open very early when I could go before work either.

is proper strength training something you can do at home or does it have to be a gym?

My comment on getting married was exactly that, I only started exercising to tone up a bit for my wedding dress. My obeseness is because I have high muscle content not high fat content, hat is just how bmi and overweight is still measured. I am not putting any strain on my joints, rheumatoid arthritis is an immune disease, not wear and tear. The nurse did not just not say do more than just walk the dog, she said I do much more exercise than most of her patients! All things in moderation, dont do things that make you miserable, if you enjoy walking then cracknon with that. Most of our parents and grandparents would never have gone to the gym, they didnt exist, yet are still fit and healthy in their 80s. You have to die of something at some point so why make yourself miserable for half your life trying to stave something off that is more down to genetics than lifestyle.

Eh? I said they lived into their 80s and were still physically fit. Genetics has a huge amount to do with how we age, if your parents/ grandparents bodies were failing physically relativley early then maybe you could help lengthen your physically active life by doing some weight bearing exercise but if not then dont make yourself miserable.

That's amazing! I'm hoping to get fitter in the coming years too. Currently pregnant though so it's on hold for now but I know I'll feel younger when I'm able to exercise more regularly! I know what you mean about being light and bouncy, I'm not currently but when unfit even just moving your own body feels heavy so exercise obviously just makes everything less effort.

Most of our parents and grandparents would never have gone to the gym, they didnt exist, yet are still fit and healthy in their 80s.

some people in their 80s are still fit and healthy even without exercising. Vast majority of 80 year olds are not fit and healthy.

I’m the same! I HATE the gym. I got made redundant a few months ago and whilst work wasn’t busy I tried, I forced myself to go 3-4 times a week and I hated it.

so for now aged almost 56 I’ll continue to walk for 70 minutes a day (just over 4 miles each morning) and swim a 1 mile 3 times a week and really hope that’s enough.