To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

Exercise is meant to be like that, OP, but lots of people don't the have time or inclinaton to walk for several hours a day. Be glad that you can and do.

A lot of exercise advice is aimed at people doing nothing whatsoever. You are certainly already exercising and enjoying it. As am I doing weights, swimming, yoga, spin and running every week. It's not really aimed at us, even if some other people think it ought to be and that we are going about it the wrong way.

My mum has just been diagnosed with osteoporosis at 80 which has brought it home to me how I need to crack on with the strength training. Could you wear weights while you're walking eg a weights vest 🤔 Also, could you do some lifting at home while doing other things eg iron one item, do a set, iron another, do another set, do a set while waiting for the kettle to boil, etc

Answering some questions

i I tend to only walk on flat if I can’t help it. The odd slight incline, yes. Someone dragged me up a hill the other day and I was livid

why am I seeing my GP? For HRT- so the strength training thing comes up naturally

People and the internet are full of shit advice, remember that. Like all the stuff I see about not doing cardio. I just got my parkrun PB at 50. Kindly fuck off.

Two ideas that might help...

Include some strength training in your walking. Get a weighted vest, incorporate steep hills and/ or stair climbing.

Get into gardening. All the crouching/squatting, digging, carrying watering cans or bags of potting mix is basically weightlifting without you really noticing at the time, and you get veggies or pretty flowers at the end!

I agree.
Everyone tells me how good you feel afterwards. I've never had that. I've very, very occasionally had a small sense of pride that I have completed something, but it is overshadowed seconds later by rage that I have to do it again a few days later. It's not something that can be completed or is everyone finished.
It's so time consuming. And awkward. I've got a 6 year old, so basically I either have to get up early, which is my drink tea in silence time, or stay up later than her bedtime, by which point I'm pretty much dead on my feet.

This thread and your responses are quite childish. There is plenty of evidence of why strength training is beneficial to women. Protecting your muscle mass during perimenopause and protecting your bones against osteoporosis are good reasons to exercise if you care about avoiding those things. If you don't care, don't do it. It's entirely your choice.

I feel like you do, I absolutely hate exercise, and I don’t get the endorphin rush either, which probably doesn’t help with motivation. I find it utterly boring, even though I do something different every time, but I make myself do 25 mins every morning. The only way I cope with it is by kidding myself it is a non-optional part of my morning routine, like putting my lenses in, or brushing my teeth. If, for one minute, I allowed myself to think it was a choice then I wouldn’t do it.
Having said that, I would probably miss not feeling strong or fit if I stopped, but then again, maybe I wouldn’t! 🤣
Unless you live under a rock, you know the health benefits of being active, both now and crucially, when you are older. The thought of being frail, where a fall can break a hip, and where that can lead to, terrifies me to be honest. I see it as looking after my future self, and hopefully I will live long enough to thank myself for it!!

I knew you'd say you only walk on the flat. If you were incline walking a lot I'd have said, ok you're getting in exercise that is strengthening muscle, getting your heart rate going.
If walking is the only thing you will do, you are going to have to make it more challenging as a likely 3 mile walk on the flat wont have that many physical health benefits as it's something you easily do now.

....and on that note, I need to get to the gym lol. In all honesty OP, I was shit at sports at school but I love weight training as I can do my own thing. Im in competition with myself and I'm good at pushing myself.

Exercise aversion is a real, physical thing. I suffer from it. I never get the endorphins and due to low blood pressure I can get light headed or get tunnel vision. I overheat and can't effectively cool down. I really do need a push to do exercise and to force myself to keep to a routine.

But I do think you are sounding a bit childish, especially about your parents. What you have described is what is the 'wake up call' for many who then decide to get strong while they can. I think it may have been for you but instead you keep saying 'do not want to' and 'they are fine'.

That's the childish bit, not the finding exercise a struggle.

(Edited for typos)

Not sure what the drama is here?

You clearly don't want to do it and aren't interested in having your mind changed, so why the theatrics about it?

Sounds like exercise is hateful to you and makes you angry because you're not very fit or strong. Walking up a hill should be a whatever thing.

If the health message was everyone had to play hockey or rugby once a week I would definitely not being doing that, just for the record.

Why are you so mad at the world? Your body needs exercise, like it or not. It took me 46 years to find an exercise I liked, after hating it at school, being the last one picked for anything, being 15 before I could swim (despite having an uncle who taught swimming for a lesson, and a mum who had been a lifeguard). Yes, there's other things I could do with my time - but I wanted to be able to do those things when I get older too, not just being sat in a chair with the world going on around me. Now it turns out I may not have an "older", but what I have done so far puts me in a far better position to fight what's coming. I want to live, not exist. Exercise isn't ideal, it's a necessity. Sorry if this sounds abrupt, but I would give anything to have the chance to live a long life I could actually enjoy - please don't waste your chance.

Look up exercise snacks/snacking. Anything is better than nothing and if you start small you may enjoy it and expand.

I don’t work out for hours: i do 30 min spin classes, 15-30 min kettle bells or resistance bands. I walk two miles to work twice a week. I have an active job and walk a lot anyway.

We also do a long walk on my weekend day off where possible. I do yoga when i can fit it in. I’ve got woken up by birds so i got up and did 15 mins of yoga this morning. It’s not set days. I just do what i can when i can dependant on shifts and what ive on. But i do it.

Like others i’ve had unwell parents. Mum died in her 60s, dad has loads going on many lifestyle related. It spurs me to be the healthiest i can be as i age …( mid forties… just) lots of nutrious foods and movement. Leas alcohol and junk food … not perfect tho!

Your parents are well but frail. They are one fall away from being unwell unfortunately. My grandpa died from an infection he caught in hospital (cdiff), my mum has broken multiple bones from falls.
I don't get endorphins from exercise either but I do realise that if I don't do strength training then I will end up like my mum. So I do it. My method is to have a PT who I get along with and we chat about other stuff whilst exercising. It makes it a lot easier. So maybe try a few different PTs until you find one that works. Or a group class that you do with friends? Basically something that will distract you from the exercise part

I can totally walk up a hill, I just had sweating and feeling that burn in my thighs. I don’t find it pleasant.

im sorry if im being childish. I’m just trying to be honest here about how I’m feeling and convey the extent of it, as I would never dare to say it out loud. it’s a genuine, day-ruining loathing. Aversion is the right word.

I don’t like feeling ‘in my body’ I guess is the way I would put it.

Also I suppose I’m hoping someone could say some magic words that would either make me feel like I’ll be fine not doing it OR come up with a solution that isn’t just ‘but you have to’

So just don’t do it 🤷‍♀️

I think you do need to unpack your anger and discomfort at it. I was chubby at school and am rather uncoordinated, plus short. Never anyones choice for any sports team.

Well fuck the lot of them. I first got into running when I was 21. No competing against anyone, not even myself. Every run was considered a victory. Like most things in my life, it's wavered on and off, but I did a half marathon (my first ever race) this March.

Are there any tasks in day to day life you find a bit annoying that would be easier with improved strength? Wrestling the dog into the bath, carrying groceries, lifting the mop bucket, moving furniture, anything? Could use that as motivation to get a bit stronger.

Can you do it angry, with angry music? Even if just for 10 minutes?

I'm 56, menopausal and definitely aware how quickly muscle mass and strength reduces at my age. But, I HATE going to the gym. My solution was to buy some weights and do exercises at home in front of the TV. Means I have an excuse to watch rubbish TV for half an hour, and I just do arm exercises one day, legs another... Even if you do squats and wall push ups while waiting for the kettle to boil then it's better than nothing.

i second this.

find hobbies you enjoy that also involve moving. You already like to walk, great! Adding in the occasional hill (rewarded by an amazing view) would make it even better for you. Gardening is good. If you live near water then things like sailing or kayaking might work for you, the exercise isn’t the point but you have to do it along the way. Horse riding? Even golf has some merit, though I hate to admit it.

if you can make normal life accidentally active then intentional exercise is less important.

I feel exactly as you do OP. Grrrr! Also a size 10 and active in terms of walking.

The only solution is making yourself do it.

I have found the only thing I am willing to do is the 20 minute Joe Wicks Absolute Beginners HIIT training workout (have been doing this same workout since 2020). I do this twice a week and that seems to be enough.

I do that and yoga once a week but that doesn’t feel like exercise because it has lying down and then a lovely sharing circle bit with chocolate at the end.

I sing the I Do It Anyway song to myself a lot…
https://youtube.com/shorts/8yAYL9wKer8?is=NOCr7HPPU3fiahtE

Is it a brisk walk, or a stroll?

I've recently been diagnosed pre-diabetic and the working out is necessary to help reverse it. I hate it, but brisk walking rather than just ambling along while the dog runs is helping and the doctor was supportive of that.

You could always do that with some ankle weights? Or take a hand held weight (tin of if beans?) with you and use that as an added extra?

I absolutely hate exercise too. So many things I'd rather do with my time. But unfortunately, sometimes, it's necessary to allow us to DO the other things. Health and all that.

I do kind of understand what you mean about having a response to exercise that makes you feel angry and upset though. My brother used to always put me in painful wrestling holds, and I get the same sensation when I do deep stretching. I have to coach myself through it because I hate the feeling so much.