To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

If you’ve never exercised before you’ll see the gains really really quickly. After 2 weeks of strength training 3 times a week you will be significantly stronger than you are now. You’ll feel it and look it.

You’ll notice that you are able to lift heavier weights. that’s the only thing I actually like about strength training. Every week I am able to increase the weights that I’m lifting. I’m able to immediately see my progress so it doesn’t feel like a waste of time.

I’m confused. You say you love walking, but you’re “livid” because you had to walk up a hill? Also, if you’re struggling that much with walking up a hill, you should get your bloods checked.

I love walking, including up hill and when I started getting breathless and felt my legs become heavy from walking up my usual hill, it turns out my iron and folate levels were low. If you’re used to walking and do it daily, you shouldn’t struggle with basic hills.

I think you are doing enough with the walking. Would you be able to get a DEXA scan? I have a an extremely fit relative who has osteopenia, despite an incredibly healthy lifestyle. Weight bearing exercise would be an advantage, even with light weights if you can manage it.

Older generations never 'exercised' as such - they just lived more active lives.
You don't need to be in the gym every other day to stay fit - you do need to move everyday.
I work out 5 days a week and I am flabby too!

AND is told by her doctor that she's "chubby" and needs to diet, with a BMI of 19.8?

Ok then.

I find gardening is good for staying strong if you like that - my grandmother and DHs Mum who is 93 never lifted weights in their lives but did do a lot of gardening. My muscle mass is excellent and I mainly do walking and gardening for exercise and it involves quite a lot of weights - this year we laid 3 new garden paths and new turf. There will be other solutions than going to the gym but does require physical activity / lifting. If you watch the Netflix film about living to 100 most of them are physically active but just doing things like gardening.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice ,I am down with a gardening workout show. For warm up, deadheading or light weeding. Flexibility, go into Asian squat for a little light weeding. Reach for those tools. Lifting, carry around bags of soil and whatever. Wheelbarrow pushing with heavy loads. Now it's time to water where the hose doesn't reach. More lifting and carrying. Are you sweating yet? Arm work, prune big things with pruning saw or chainsaw. Leg work, squats and deadlifts. Cool down, plant your seed pots, put away tools, and admire the garden while having a tall cool glass of cold brew green tea.

Healthy lifestyle is a big thing where I live and the benefits are pretty obvious. It's doing something today for future you. Do you resent paying into your pension?

Sometimes you do things you don't like to future proof yourself. Sarcopenia is a big thing the older you get and lifting staves that off.

But nobody's forcing you to lift.

Why should she?

I think there are lots of things that people don’t enjoy but accept that they ‘have’ to do if they want the health benefits. I hate flossing my teeth and using those interdental brushes- I can’t express how much I dislike it. But I do it because my dentist and hygienist say I have to. And my teeth are so much better since I started doing it (both cosmetically and in terms of actual tooth and gum health). I accept that’s only five minutes a day, but it still stands as an example of something one doesn’t really want to do but probably should.

See also, some aspects of healthy eating. I eat spinach every day. Not because I can’t get enough of spinach but because I know it’s good for me. I’d prefer to be eating cheese or cake but they don’t have the same health benefits (I do eat cheese and cake, but try to do so in moderation).

Maybe just do fast paced walking instead. I am just like you in terms of motivation but to be fair if you forced your self to do it for like 3 weeks then your body will ask for it and it becomes less of a torture

I am exactly the same, the thought of being breathless (as I'm so unfit and overweight) fills me with panic - that feeling of being out of control. Just watching other people exercise through a gym window makes me come out in a cold sweat. The only thing I enjoy is swimming but even then, I give up easily.

Sorry but the solution is you just have to, if you hate every single type of exercise in every form except walking, but want to build muscle. Having said that I'm sure there is something you'd enjoy out there. I do strength and conditioning classes in a small group coaching set up in a small gym. This makes it very friendly and good fun, there's always chats, it's not a big noisy gym, you can get things personalized. It's the most consistent and committed I've ever been because it's easy - someone else does all the thinking, I just show up and do what I'm told.
Or else just don't do it but you'll have to get over being annoyed by everyone telling you you should do something and all your friends taking up sports.
Basically you have to grow up about it, you're not a school kid anymore. Sorry.

No one can say magic words that will negate the evidence on this. Even if their words made you feel it was unimportant, they'd be incorrect.

If you are only walking on the flat that isn’t great, are you walking fast enough to get out of breath or just strolling . Balance and strength are very important as you get older if you hate exercise try and build things into your daily routine , e.g standing on one leg when you clean your teeth a few squats while you are waiting for kettle to boil

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately.

Sorry but your Mum is not doing fine at all.

Falling at 70-ish is bad. It's 10-20 years ahead of when she'd be 'expected' to fall (if at all.)

It's far too young to be falling over- and perhaps she'll break a hip which may limit her mobility long term.

If she's open to it, you could suggest she does yoga, tai chi or even work with a PT at a gym or at home to improve her balance and muscle strength.

I hear you OP, I loathe exercise, though i do walk a lot. I have tied the following and given all of them a good go of at least 3 months. They say that there is a form of exercise for everyone and it is just a matter of finding it but that seems to have passed me by. Here is a list of what I have tried

Yoga
Swimming
Modern dance
Belly dancing
Weights
Badmington
Tennis
At home work out with resistance bands

I am very uncordinated and have a lot of left and right confusion so always found classes and following instructions hard, I get embassed and compare myself to the rest of the class who all seem to "get it" while I stumble around, That was what made me give up classes and do stuff at home but oh lord I found it all so boring and would just pray for it to end. Never had the endorphin rush, it all just feels like a punishment

for goodness sake, OP! It’s your life and your body, you can do what you want!
@beewaspfly
for the record many of us don’t actually like and enjoy exercise but do it regardless as it’s proven to be so good for mental and physical health.

OP can pay for a DEXA scan but the NHS won't touch it. They only do them (in some areas) after a fracture and often not even then. It's a national scandal that was discussed on Woman's Hour about 3 weeks ago.

Osteopenia is not osteoporosis but a precursor to it. It can be improved with exercise and HRT as a treatment (as a prevention.)

I do a lot of NYC walking, we walk at a pretty fast pace, but that in itself isn't enough to keep me in good shape. For bone density and to keep the muscles, you need to life weights a few times a week.

If she gets sweating and burning in her thighs, I would say she's not walking at a fast enough pace to get the fitness benefits of walking.

OP wants to not do lifting. Fine, but there's consequences to that. If she doesn't want those consequences, she has to do the work. She wants a magic solution and there isn't one.

My mom lived into her late 80s, she was vegetarian most of her life and kept really fit by doing a ton of gardening and yard work. One broken bone in her 50s. No falls, and she kept her activity level up until right before she died.

Nobody is forcing you to do anything, they are advising you what you can do to help prevent problems later in life.

Based on what you have said about your parents, you are likely to struggle when you get to their age without changing anything now.

My FIL used to always sneer at my fit, active husband for going to the gym and running in his free time. My FIL is now in his early seventies and is chairbound, unable to stand unaided and has had regular falls where he is unable to get up. He is very overweight so it is a considerable effort to get him back upright. He is now living downstairs as he cannot climb the stairs at home due to lack of strength in his legs. He needs help with washing and dressing. He is becoming a burden on his family, for something that could have been prevented.

But I’m sure you will be fine.

@beewaspfly

yeah there are no magic words, OP.

Exercise is good for you. END OF.

Soz.

You've just said the same thing again, not explained how. For the avoideance of doubt for anyone reading:

-Strength cannot improve without muscle growth
-Cardiovascular endurance cannot improve without muscle growth (the heart is a muscle)

Anyone saying Pilates and yoga are not sufficient for muscle growth has never tried Pilates and yoga. Most of the women in the classes I go to could out-plank the guys benching 2x their body weight upstairs. The reason is they have stronger core muscles, which the vast majority of core exercises use only body weight.

You don’t need to lift weights, you do need to do weight bearing exercise.

To everyone saying she's size 10, she's fine...

...that's neither here nor there.

Women our age need to exercise to maintain our bone density. It's arguably worse to be a skinny person with weak bones because if you fall over when you're elderly, there's no cushioning to absorb the impact and you'll shatter harder.

Our bones need progressive load to trigger regeneration. That's why strength training is kinda non-negotiable. When we lift weights, our muscles contract and pull on the bones they're attached to, forcing bone-forming cells to spring into action As our muscles get stronger, it's important to gradually increase the weight or resistance to keep providing enough mechanical stress to stimulate the bones.

Size 8 women need to do this. Size 18 women need to do this.

Exercise like running or walking does stress bone and so trigger growth. It's not useless. But it's not enough, because it isn't novel or increasing load - it's the same level of impact, impact, impact, in the same place to the same intensity.

Your dress size and your cardio health are also entirely unrelated. You can be size 10 and not be able to walk up hills without feeling discomfort/agony - like OP - or size 20 and be able to run up them.

Walking is better for your all round health than running - it burns fat, is easier on the joints and keeps cortisol down. And 150 mins of brisk walking a week looks after your heart and lungs.

That said, running is amazing if it's your bag. I'm not dissing running at all. Just pointing out that if you don't like the idea of it, you don't HAVE to run or jiggle or getting sweaty and uncomfortable to look after your heart and lungs.

The NHS says 150 mins brisk walking nails it. I'm down with that.

It has to be increasing loads though - just regularly carrying heavy stuff won't trigger bone growth. Our bodies need increasing, and novel, load and it's very difficult to achieve this in everyday life without lifting weights. The amount of compost one can lug from the car in one journey is limited by the length of your arms and how much compost you need. Bodyweight exercise isn't enough. Resistance bands only take you so far.

If someone hates exercise but knows they need to undertake strength training for bone health, lifting weights is the least ballachey method.