To not want to exercise

[beewaspfly]

help me out here. Wrong side of 40, in the thick of perimenopause. All of my friends, and I mean all, have started exercising like crazy in the past few years- even the ones I’d least expect. My GP keeps telling me I HAVE to start strength training or I’ll have an unbearable later life.

but…I don’t want to. It’s just so tedious. I hate the gym, hate PT even more, hate classes (have tried several), hate home work outs, even the short ones. I don’t get any endorphin rush from it or whatever. The prospect of doing it ruins my day - it’s better if I do it first thing but even then I hate every minute.

id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life without the sense of impending dread.

im size 10, love to walk for HOURS every day, slim but not really toned (ok, a bit flabby in some areas), feel pretty healthy on the whole. Can’t I just keep doing what I’m doing? Please??

my mum is in her 70s and fine doing what I do, although she has had some falls lately. Dad says he wish he’d worked out as he’s such a weedy skinny old man now (his words). But they’re fine. My grandmother is in her 90s and going strong.

why do I have to do this? Why is everyone else doing this? Someone tell me one good reason and I’ll stop moaning

Rude.

I was responding to a poster who mentioned the current crazes for weightlifting and protein. Excess protein intake is linked to kidney disease.

I exercise quite a lot, and follow the advice of my specialist in regards to what I do and don't do. There are plenty of ways to do weightbearing exercise, and to maintain and build muscle mass, without doing weights in a gym. HTH.

You don't have to but might help long term with aging.

Though I do here you and I'm not good at all about doing any bar walking and general everyday stuff. I don't get any kind of buzz at all.

My FIL has a very phycical job and several phyical hobbies - and he was being told he needed to start going to the gym by friends who did by friend who was a gym instructor by GP one time - yet when questioned they couldn't actually say why it would be better than the stuff he was doing at work and in his lesure time. He was a builder - lugging heavy stuff round in his late 60s - had alloment which was huge and he dug over was there most evening doing phycial stuff and was part of a walking group who did twice weekly walks he did - up huge local hills. Also reguarly chopped fire wood. So very active in variety of ways and some people still trying to push gyms at him.

I’m like you, I hate exercising but I love walking.

That said, strength training is non-negotiable. I go to 3 strength classes a week. I don’t even think about it now, I just go. It’s as routine and important as brushing my teeth.

Peri and Menopause depletes oestrogen which in turn reduces bone density.

Strength training not only improves bone density but also your muscles protect your bones and improve stability.

One awkward fall when you get older can significantly reduce your life span. For those who fall and break their hip when elderly, most people die within 2 years of breaking their hip.

We lead far more sedentary lives than our parents or grandparents. Nothing is guaranteed but if doing this helps me have a good old age rather than just a tolerable one then I’ll do it.

so pack it in with the Ffs!!

Just here to say OP that I love your list of nice things to do: "id rather just be walking somewhere nice, meeting friends, working, napping, catching up on tv and eating amazing food with my family, reading and enjoying my life". You make life sound so lovely!
On the exercise thing, I probably can't help you because I really like exercise. I think I like the endorphins...
Have you tried dancing? I really enjoy the combination of the exercise with the music and self-expression.... despite being really terrible at it!

Those that say the gym is repetitive don't know how to workout properly.
I do varying things including functional weights so, for example, I'll walk with 25kg in each hand 'farmers carry' so at Christmas there's no stopping me with my shopping lol. Joking aside, grip strength is really important.
I always add in some balance exercises..just your standing on 1 leg type of thing.
I practice getting up and down off the floor without using my hands. I do stretches, yoga, pilates moves to get the lean muscle.

I dont know who is hearing the message about weight bearing exercise for peri/menopausal women but there aren't many coming to my gym!

I love weight work as you continue to burn calories all day hence I can eat more!
People who say about injuries or wear and tear....I think that about running. What an absolute pointless, painful thing to subject your body to. Why?
But we're all different.

I was like you. Now I exercise 5 hours per week and feel terrible if I sit around not moving. I’d suggest stop thinking of it in terms of ‘toning’ and view it more as returning your body to a state where it is able to perform basic functional movement that’s useful as we age. I highly recommend seeing a PT for a single hour and asking them to test basics: flexibility, core strength, aerobic endurance, getting off the floor without hands. basic arm and leg strength etc etc. You’ll soon realise how limited your body has become through lack of activity, even if you are slim. Lack of bulk from calories isn’t remotely the same as decent basic fitness. As you age, like a lot of inactive people, you might find you aren’t able to cut your toenails or tie your shoes, manage stairs, open jars, wash your own back, walk to the shops, lift shopping etc etc. So rather than doing classes you hate, try to do more basic movement. Shopping bags on the floor rather than on worktops - lift items up from the floor. Always choose stairs. Squats and lunges while the kettle brews. Little but very very often.

Your mum falling in her 70s should be a lightbulb moment for you to at least get some core strengthening exercises in.
It's poor core and quads strength that often cause falls in the elderly and then subsequent hip breaks, often followed by death.

Running is good for you, although all the pounding on the tarmac probably isn't. 😬😅

But it is strength bearing, and a great way to boost cardiovascular fitness. Even now, after not exercising for a while, my peak physical fitness from years ago has stood me in good stead as I feel like I can ease back into better than if I'd never ran half marathons or played hockey. But if i had to do cross training at the gym, my joints might thank me more for it than running, I guess 😅

You don't have to strength train, but if you want a better quality of life as you age, less risk of injury, and greater longevity, it is very very highly recommended.

One of the greatest risks to the elderly is falls, the damage this can do and recovery from it (or lack of). I've seen it in family, with someone previously very healthy, and the sudden decline after an injury from a fall in hospital and later care.

You don't need to go to a gym or do anything overly complicated. You can have a pretty basic 20-30 minute routine that you do in front of the TV 3 times a week. Obviously longer sessions with progression are better, but squats (one of the best for maintaining getting up from a chair/the toilet) along with some core and arm movements will be a great step up from where you are now and help maintain or build muscle to help you in the future.

Uphill walking 1-2 times a week would also be massively beneficial to help maintain cardio fitness. Try to think of it like brushing your teeth, eating vegetables, or having your smear. Its all to help your long term health.

Or if you choose not too, please be aware you may well look back with regret in 20-30 years time.

I am the same, have tried all sorts of planned/organised exercise and always dread them and stop soon. I think it does have some relationship with my sadistic PE teacher who made fun of me, threw me in the swimming pool to teach me to put my head under water and made me pick up balls when everyone else was playing tennis.

Hiya, this was how I remeber sports as a kid too but I was also overweight, so got fat shaming added in. I spent years having a visceral hatred of any sport or activity except for swimming as I just live water. In my late 30s, my best friend talked me into joint the gyn with her, the bailed in the first class I'd booker. I absolutely freaked but had left the kids at home and just couldn't waste the money. I ended up really enjoying HIIT and some.strength classes but never got that endorphin hit, it was just nice feeling stringer as I was going about my daily life, and not being breathless etc. I think your walks are probably protecting you form any negative consequences for now. Could you add in taking the stairs or hiking? You might enjoy it and it will still build strength in your glutes and thighs, which is the important thing as we age. It will.protect you from falls, which your mum is now experiencing. Falls are a major indicator of decline, disability and early death in older adults, so that's really why it's so important. I just don't want to be old and infirm but have experienced lots of health issues over the last few years, which have motivated me to want to be active. I now do a sporting activity that meets my needs for social interaction that also has the side effect of.making me a lot stronger and fitter, without going to the gym.

The gains start straight away. I've only been lifting weights for about 3 months and I saw/felt tone pretty much straight away, and now I feel really strong.

I am one of the people that has NEVER exercised, hate exercise, was ritually humiliated by PE teachers at school and made to feel unco-ordinated and fat by my family, but accepts that I need to exercise if I'm going to be a mobile old person. Seeing my in-laws and grandmother basically become housebound is powerfully motivating. We are living longer and this is the body we will inhabit.

YANBU to not want to do it, but maybe unreasonable to think it's a good idea. You need to break it down into chewable chunks.

I made it a rule at the start to only do bare minimum exercise I want to do.

The NHS guidelines say we need to do 150 mins of moderate cardio a week, or 75 minutes high intensity. Fuck intensity - fast walking is moderate cardio. So now I purposefully make sure that half an hour of every daily dog walk is at 4mph or higher, using my phone's free Health app to track it. There's an Active 10 NHS you can download that records speed and time, so I KNOW I'm doing my 30 minutes a day.

Cardio nailed.

Then I joined a Pilates class, because it's a form of exercise in the past that I didn't hate, and it would give me functional old lady fitness. My overarching fitness goals are simply to be able to get up and down off the floor without using my hands, and improve my balance so I am less likely to fall over. Turns out I LOVE Pilates, I love my group, it's as much about mental health and the social aspect as the exercise. I don't do Reformer or anything wanky like that - I've tried it, it's gimmicky as fuck. A mat class with a mixed age group - I love them all.

I joined a strength class after that but hated it - lifting weights is dull as fuck. So then I thought I'd do weights at home - also dull as fuck, and you can't increase the load without setting up a home gym. Nope.

So I bit the bullet and joined a gym. This is the least me thing ever. I go twice a week at 6.15am to use the weights machines and just get it the fuck out of the way. I do NOT enjoy it. But I don't hate it either. It is what it is. And I am REALLY enjoying the muscle it's building, and the extra calories it allows me to eat without gaining weight. Between it and Pilates, I am stronger, my posture is really noticably better, and I FEEL strong and powerful. The results are instant in that regard.

And joining the gym means I now do extra Pilates and Yoga classes, because they're included, and I am loving the flexibility and balance they give me - physical and mental. I feel so much better in my body.

So just make your walks purposeful. Then add something else on top. And you might find you end up as someone who lives in sports leggings, like I seem to these days, and just not recognise yourself - in a good way.

"Use it or lose it" as the saying goes.

If you want to be strong and healthy in your later years, build that foundation. You've noticed how fragile both your parents are... However, no one can force you.

If you feel you should be doing it, and that is the actual issue here (I don't know if that's right, but anyway) - don't give yourself the choice between doing or not doing. Like brushing your teeth or having a shower. Just do it. It is self care.

Irony of life-I can't exercise due to a broken leg and am missing it terribly! OK, I came to write something helpful, so I'll stop being so self-involved, but my point is you can learn to love it, to the point you're miserable when you can't go.
Want my suggestions?-try a Body Pump or Group Power class. Light weights to music. It'll be a safe, gentle way to start, and gradually build up. Go with friends, make it fun by going for a coffee before or after.
There's all ages from 16-80 in the class.
And those women in their 7th decade there? Fierce, as my daughter would say! So inspiring-they are stronger, fitter and healthier than most people my age!

I wouldn’t say housework is an ‘amazing’ workout, unless the person is very unfit. It’s just moderate activity, surely, unless you’re moving beds and flipping mattresses a few times a week. People with a reasonable fitness level won’t get their heart rate up or break a sweat doing housework or carrying a few bags in from the car.

Meh ! I walk/garden/dog walk etc. Lots of beach walking.

I just can’t be bothered with anything else as I don’t want the extra years in the care home/addled. Seen it in so many of the older generation. The ones who are doing well and still leading independent lives are those doing what they love without the ‘shoulds’.

Being humbled by 70-year old women in my Pilates class and 80-year old women at the gym is powerfully motivating to me, at 47.

Older women who've done Pilates for decades are GOALS - fierce, as you say.

And there's a woman I see every time I go to the gym, and I vary the mornings so she must be there from 6am every day. She's in her 80s and has a very curved hunched posture.

But she works her way around all the weights machines, rows or walks on the treadmill, and is my absolute fitness role model. She's showing up for herself, she has great muscle tone in her arms and legs - I adore her, and she is powerfully motivating as I just don't really enjoy doing weights. But I do them, because I want to be her when I'm old.

shut your eyes and stand on one leg if you can’t do it for more than 10 seconds, you’re gonna have a broken shoulder or a broken hip before your 70

Hi OP I’ve not read all the PPs posts but remembered a podcast that really nailed it for me. Link here:
https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-269/

Us older women have to stay on our feet, defy incontinence and keep our bones safe. It’s a challenge and yes it’s a time investment too. Pelvic floor exercises, load bearing ( weights, lifting, heavy gardening), and a bit of cardio. This will keep us out of hospital and care homes as long as possible…
Edited to add don’t rush in and do too much too soon!

that. Same applies to walking. It's just living.

You have seen your parents are frail, falling over, weedy and skinny, as you say. Do you want to be like that in only your 70s? I have people in my gym (lifting weights) in their late 80s who are strong and agile - pretty sure which option I would prefer for the last decades of my life.

I also hate team sports, felt discouraged as a child, have no natural ability, and get bored. I would HIGHLY recommend martial arts (or maybe boxing).

Most beginners will have zero experience just like you. There's a lot to learn. With martial arts belts you can measure your progress. You usually work on your own or with 1 partner.

There are lots of martial arts so you should try several, clubs and the individual types can be very different (I hate karate but love judo). Aim for one with multiple instructors, some women, and not massively overpriced (£30-60ish a month - some of them are pyramid schemes...).

Oh OP, I am just the same.

I don't get the endorphins at all any more - I did used to.

I used to LOVE exercising in a team sport that was very aggressive (e.g. Rugby) but isn't possible now due to my old knees and hips and the risk of injury. I did that for hours but it caused quite a few long-term injuries as well.

I do go to the gym but have to reward myself with a sauna. And it's NOT FUN!

I don't enjoy exercise apart from dancing, but have recently signed up to Fitbitch and it's working well for me. You do it at home, it's no nonsense, you work hard doing strength training for 20-30 minutes 2-3x a week and thats you done. I'm gaining visible muscle and you don't ont even have to put a sports bra or trainers on às its low impact

Current scientific opinion is that exercise is good for you for so many reasons. Improving mental health, maintaining bone density, reducing cancer risk, reducing falls risk as you age to name a few. You make your own decisions, but you live by your choices as well. The older you get, the faster you lose your strength and fitness and the harder it is to regain it. You also put on more weight and it becomes harder to shift it. Walking is great, but it doesn’t maintain whole body fitness and conditioning. Find something you enjoy doing - Pilates, yoga, swimming, a team sport, a dance class. At the end of the day, it’s your choice and your consequences.