To think 26 year old dating 19 year old is weird?

[ChicJoker]

I’ll leave sexes anonymous. I know both parties well, they have been dating for around 2 months. One is my sibling. I feel really really irked by it. It’s weird right?

My DD is 18, and if she dated a 25yr old, I may have some initial reservations, but not in the same way as if she was dating someone over 30.

I met my now husband at that age combination. We were both at the same university. I knew we were right together so why would I not commit.

Not sure why you think it's weird. Maybe it's different if the 19 year old is still living at home or at a very different life stage? Weird seems a bit harsh.

I was with a 30 year old when I was 21. We subsequently married and had 3 kids.
I think they're both adults so it's their business.
I'm guessing the 26 year old is female and they're either a same sex couple or the 19 year old is male. A M26/F19 wouldn't raise most peoples eyebrows.

In mumsnets world its weird.
Anywhere else its perfectly legal and nobody else's business

They both still live at home. 19 year old can be very mature in some ways but incredibly immature in others, I.e getting hopes up about someone they’ve known 2 minutes then crashing down for months when it all goes to shit. 26 year old is more than likely dating others, definitely chatting to others anyway.

if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t know what the 26 year old sees in the 19 year old and that’s why I think it’s weird. Two different stages in life in a lot of ways. You might also say the 26 year old is a bit of a serial dater

I was talking about this to a friend the other day. DH & I were 27 & 19 when we met (been married over 20 years now) and it’s never been an issue for me / us. I was an adult working full time etc but then if it was my DD telling me this, I’d be a bit weary. Not sure I’d call it weird but I’d be keeping an eye on it (not that I could do anything they would be adults, but just to help if it goes wrong).

I agree 20+ years ago it would be quite normal. Now, I feel it’s much more unheard of. I feel the world is connected through the internet therefore much easier to meet people your own age. I cannot imagine 26 year old me dating a 19 year old?!

i know of a couple who are 21 and 31 and they are absolutely slated by people generally. I think it’s a bit much as they’re that slight bit older but it is strange and I do question motives. I personally wouldn’t date anyone less than 5 years younger than me I’d feel like a creep and I don’t feel I’d have anything in common with them

Many male brains don't mature until five years older than the average female brain.
I would never think it weird that a 19 year old woman chooses a man about five years older.

However, I am surprised to see teenage males dating much older women. They are both adults so are free to choose.

A 7 year age gap is perfectly normal. Do you expect all couples to be the exact same age?

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

Ah its another one of those AIBU when you clearly won't have any other opinion. Honestly why bother asking?

I can't see anything wrong with it.

This sums it up also a case 'well I think it is weird so of course it shouldn't happen just because I say so other people need to do as I say'

My first boyfried was a lot older than me there was no issues

I agree OP, but a lot of people will be defensive! DH has friends who met at 16 (female) and 21 (male) and they've been together for 15 years now and have kids, but I still think that age gap was weird when they met. It's the differences in life stages. I was engaged and saving for my first house at 26. At 19 I was in my first year at uni, going on nights out 3 or 4 times a week and living in grotty student accommodation having the time of my life! I wouldn't have had anything in common with a 26 year old.

Ah well if Tik-Tok says it, it must be true. 🙄

Perfectly normal. Both adults. You’re infantilising the 19yo.

My first serious boyfriend was 25 and I was 18. No issues.

I went out with a 33 year old for three years when I was at university. He was also back at uni so it seemed we were the same life stage. After uni it didn't work so well and felt the age gap. DH is 4/5 years older so similar to the gap in your example. We've been together since I broke up with my ex, 27 years ago.

Ah this was the age me and my ex were. We were also together 15 years! No issues at the time but looking back at it as a fully developed adult and times having changed it is fucking WEIRD and I wish I could go back and tell my younger self (and him!) that. Yuck.

the 19 yo thinks they’re the most mature person ever naturally. However absolutely no house training skills, relies heavily on parents financially, quite a grubby person in general but thinks they’re spotless, and gets infatuated easily. Ah well time will tell

Perhaps people feel differently if they don't feel they changed all that much between those ages themselves, but I was a significantly different person at 26 to who I was at 19!

I think it was different in the past in some ways as we could leave education and training at 16. And it wasn’t uncommon to have had a series of jobs from about age 13. I know I did.

Now it’s harder to get either a PT job alongside school / college and/or a FT job at 18. Consequently, 19 year olds have had a lot less life experience and exposure to the adult world and how to navigate your way through, especially if September born.

This coupled with the increased understanding of safeguarding and brain development means we are a lot more wary.

It’s normal to think you’re really mature at 19. For some this can be true. Mature for a 19 yo. But still 19. And I wonder how many people answering have a child if a similar age.

My dd has just completed year 13. I know 19 is a year older and we change a lot at this age. However she’s not going to be a mature adult in a year from now.

And this is the prime age, when they think they know it all. With age and experience we realise there’s a lot more to learn

I'm in an age gap relationship that has lasted decades. If there is a power imbalance at all, it's me with the greater power and I am the younger of the two. Whilst I agree with most people I would question big gaps, it isn't always as simple as that. It was never weird as fuck or predatory for us and I could never get on with people my own age to date because they were not on a sufficient level of maturity/didnt talk about topics I was intellectually interested in. I am neurodiverse and high IQ so maybe that played a part but it would be wrong to label every age gap relationship as weird.

If it were my own child I might question it depending on their maturity - my step child at the same age I was when I met their father was nowhere near, genuinely nowhere near, where I was in maturity at that age and I could never have understood even a few years age gap and would have found it odd if there were one. But for others I have known Id have found it more odd if they'd been with people their own age to be honest.

You are being nasty about both of them and it's really none of your business.

I came on to say it’s something that’s frowned upon today, but wasn’t so unusual thirty years ago, me included, who at seventeen dated someone in their mid-twenties, and would have happily dated someone twelve years older ( never got asked, but had good friendship with him). Looking back with today’s eyes, I am slightly surprised at myself and would I be happy if my dc dated with that age gap, probably not.

There are 7 years between my DH and me. Given that we didn't meet until I was 45 that seems like nothing, but it does seem weird sometimes that he had actually just left school for an apprenticeship when I was just starting senior school. When one person is not yet 20 it does seem like a very big gap. I think it's the whole life experience thing that makes the difference. At 19 you are unlikely to have had many, if any, serious relationships - at 26 you are likely to have had several. And then there is the basic knowledge of how to live - working, finding somewhere to live, paying bills etc., although I grant that in today's mollycoddled society a 26 year old may still be living at home with parents doing everything for them.