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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think 26 year old dating 19 year old is weird?

189 replies

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 05:53

I’ll leave sexes anonymous. I know both parties well, they have been dating for around 2 months. One is my sibling. I feel really really irked by it. It’s weird right?

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 16/06/2026 09:19

Maybe they’re just having some fun together. I dated someone younger when I was in my 20s. We knew that we didn’t have a future together, but we were very attracted to each other, and we had a great time.

Nannyfannybanny · 16/06/2026 09:21

Mumsnet is obsessed with age gaps. I met my second DH at work,he's 7 years younger. I was married with a child at 19,he was still climbing trees with his mates.. we didn't demand each others Birth Certificates.. we have the same hobbies, outlooks. My dks Adore him.hes only 13 years older than my oldest. Been together 37 years.. At almost 40, I had 18 year olds asking me out at work (nursing so not glamorous clothing) and my sexual partner before DH was 25,met at a hobby in the gym.

Thundertoast · 16/06/2026 09:26

QuintadosMalvados · 16/06/2026 08:52

Because men and women are different.
I'm sure that there's a lot of 19-year-old males who'd date a 26-year-old woman but they don't want to date him.

That's why.

Yes, men and women are different....thats not just biology though, is it!
We are all socialised to associate certain things with certain age/genders, some of it with not great origins.
For every woman whos marriage has lasted 30 years and is great, there's a woman who looks back and can see just how she was groomed.
For every woman who had a great fling and has fond memories and thinks she was totally in control, there's a woman who looks back and sees exactly why that man wasnt dating women his own age.
For every woman who thinks her maturity and independence is what attracted the older man, is a woman who recognises now that the maturity and independence is what made her such a good target.

If we think of it in terms of rape culture.
Men making little misogynistic jokes to make their friends laugh, contributes to rape culture. But they havnt raped anyone. But they dont make that joke in a vacuum.

Men 26 dating a 19 contributes to the culture where its normalised for men to date younger women, so 42 and 18, 21 and 14 etc. The 26 year old hasnt done anything wrong legally, but he also wasnt attracted to a 19 year old rather than a 26 year old in a vacuum.

I used to be on the fence until I realised that 99% of the time if you ask a woman who was 19 when she met her 26 year old husband if she would be happy with her 19 year old dating a 26 year old, they say 'well, thats different, I was mature for my age'
Every teenager thinks they are mature for their age. And sometimes these women say 'well i had a job and my own home, my 19 year old doesnt..' and this ignores the fact that you can have these things without emotional maturity, and that was very often the case 20 years for many reasons.
But in short, they are never really enthusiastic about their daughters doing the same and that speaks volumes...

CypressGrove · 16/06/2026 09:28

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

I think a 7 year age difference between adults is less weird than an adult using TikTok to form opinions.

Pasithean · 16/06/2026 09:28

20 years difference here. Married 31 years . Everyone was down on us . We don’t care.

Periperi2025 · 16/06/2026 09:29

My friend was 17 when she got with her ex who was 26. They married and had 3 kids. I think they were probably fairly well matched on maturity, the problem was she then matured 'past' him. The kids are in their 20s now but they still friends, had a great co parenting relationship, he was just the ultimate Disney dad. He certainly wasn't predatory, and they had loads in common (shared friends, shared hobbies).

Chuffingcupboard · 16/06/2026 09:37

Met DH when I was 22 just starting a career and he was 35. Still together....I'm 60....you can't see what's in others relationships but agree you can stand by to be supportive if it goes wrong.

Summervibes83 · 16/06/2026 09:38

I dated someone who was 27 when I was 17, and didn't think it was weird at the time. When I was 27 I looked back and thought it was really weird, I would just have never had anything in common with someone only then leaving school.

I don't think it's predator territory exactly, but there is an imbalance of power and experience I think.

pinkspeakers · 16/06/2026 09:46

Sartre · 16/06/2026 09:06

When my old school friend was 19 she started dating a 56 year old. Her mum understandably was furious and stopped speaking to her for years. I thought this was hugely unfair at the time and agreed with her but now looking back just think, why the fuck was a 56 year old interested in a 19 year old? Bearing in mind he also had children older than her… Well they’re still together now 14 years on, married with young children. He’s obviously 70 now and she’s 33 but they seem happy enough so who am I to judge.

Very unhelpful response by her mother!!

She might think it is a big mistake by her daughter (and be furious with the main) but how is being furious at the daughter and not speaking to her going to help anything?

I dated a 42 year old when I was 18. In fact he already made moves when I was just 17. It lasted 3 years. My parents were clearly very unhappy about it but they stayed supportive of me generally.

Yes it was a huge mistake and I'm incredibly angry with that man now when I think about it. But on the whole my parents handled it as well as they reasonably could.

Cosimarocks · 16/06/2026 09:49

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

‘… anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory’ !?!

I think that needs clarification, surely! Are you saying at that age or at any age? Because currently what you have written suggests that this is a blanket rule you’ve decided upon and I suspect it would apply to a good percentage of Mumsnet and the world. Are you seriously suggesting that this should apply, say, to two people who meet in their late twenties/ early thirties? What about someone aged 40 dating a 44 year old? Is that abusive? I’ve a widowed aunt, aged 74, who recently found love with a rather lovely 79 year old. Are you suggesting I should report him to someone as a predator?

You are being ridiculous and rather mean spirited. As others have said, it sounds like you don’t particularly like either of them. They are both (legally) adults so frankly, not your life, not your business. Let them make their own decisions and mistakes and, who knows, perhaps it will work and one day they’ll be a very normal couple in their 30s, 40s, 50s with a very normal age gap.

Also, using TicTok as proof that you are somehow the mature, sensible one in this is laughable.

Thechaseison71 · 16/06/2026 09:53

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:11

They both still live at home. 19 year old can be very mature in some ways but incredibly immature in others, I.e getting hopes up about someone they’ve known 2 minutes then crashing down for months when it all goes to shit. 26 year old is more than likely dating others, definitely chatting to others anyway.

if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t know what the 26 year old sees in the 19 year old and that’s why I think it’s weird. Two different stages in life in a lot of ways. You might also say the 26 year old is a bit of a serial dater

But at that age there isn't necessarily 2 different life stages. They can be both working for example, or both living independently/ or with parents. Id say it depends more on the people concerned

SpaceRaccoon · 16/06/2026 09:54

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 06:27

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

ive actually just made my mind up, it’s weird as fuck that one has just left high school and one is in a fully fledged career in a typically weird industry. My verdict is ianbu 😂

It’s definitely not “perfectly normal” and what prompted me to make this thread was a TikTok and the comments saying anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory.

Yes but that's deranged, terminally-online tiktokkers. You must see that's fucking mental 😂

shhblackbag · 16/06/2026 09:56

Lexy2345 · 16/06/2026 06:34

Perfectly normal. Both adults. You’re infantilising the 19yo.

This. Typical of MN.

anything more than a 3 year age gap is predator territory

Ridiculous.

mondaytosunday · 16/06/2026 09:59

Nah get over it. Unless it’s a controlling abusive relationship seems quite normal. My son’s ex dated a 27 year old for three years staring at 19. He even had full custody of his kid! My son at 21 dated a 27 year old for a couple months but there wasn’t enough of a connection plus she was probably looking for something more serious than he wanted.

5foot5 · 16/06/2026 10:13

Hadalifeonce · 16/06/2026 08:34

When I was young (long, long time ago). It wasn't unusual to date someone 4 or 5 years older. It seems things have changed, DD thinks it's really odd if there is more than about a 2 year age gap.

That is fascinating what people on here are saying about the change in attitudes to age gaps. I had no idea.

I mean, I think @ChicJoker being disgusted by the 19/26 ages is way OTT and this apparent assertion on TikTok that more than three years is predator territory is frankly ridiculous.

DH is 4.5 years older than me. We started going out when I was 23, so he was 27.5. we will soon be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. Nobody has ever raised an eyebrow at this or much bigger age gaps I know of.

What is driving this modern aversion to age gaps more than about 2 years?

Cosimarocks · 16/06/2026 10:18

ChicJoker · 16/06/2026 08:33

Try reading the thread if you can manage

I mean you came on here asking, ‘Am I being unreasonable?’, the majority of people have said yes you are. And your response is only to be rude to those that disagree with you and tell everyone that you’ve already made up your mind. So really, x2boys’ question is absolutely valid. Trying to go for the intellectually superior look while also using TikTok as your basis for truth and wisdom, just makes you look silly. Your comments to posters just make you look like a bit of an arse.

And, as for your assertion that:
as I said I’ve already made my decision and I don’t agree with it. There’s categorically no reason whatsoever for a 26 year old to be interested in a 19 year old. There are no exceptional circumstances. It’s disgusting.
I’m not sure that it really matters, I very much doubt that the two people involved in a relationship will care about what you think nor change their minds because you don’t approve and have TikTok to prove you right. So really it’s completely up to you whether or not you decide to take a condescending view of them, at best they won’t care or really notice, at worst you’ll damage your own relationship with your sibling and that damage may well out live this current relationship. Still, who needs siblings when you’ve got TikTok!

Dontcallmescarface · 16/06/2026 10:20

Katiesaidthat · 16/06/2026 09:09

It´s been doing the rounds of the internet for a very long time now. According to this a 33 year old is the youngest I could aspire to. Can´t think of anything worse than dating a millennial. Not at same life stage at all.

Really. So according to that logic I, as a 60 year old, could date a 37 year old and that's ok because the "rule" says so but a 19 year old dating a 26 year old is wrong according to the PP who posted about the "rule". What a strange world we live in.

JumpingRabbit · 16/06/2026 10:26

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 16/06/2026 07:35

It’s because they don’t live like adults. Usually still studying so being supported financially, generally live at home in their childhood bedroom. They aren’t children, but it’s a transitional age.

I think it’s only on MN that every 18 year old goes to uni and is still studying. At least half of the ones I know are in full time employment by 19.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 16/06/2026 10:37

JumpingRabbit · 16/06/2026 10:26

I think it’s only on MN that every 18 year old goes to uni and is still studying. At least half of the ones I know are in full time employment by 19.

I don’t know a single “adult” that age. They are all at university or doing some kind of employment based route to getting a degree. An 18 year old will likely still be at college/6th form

QuintadosMalvados · 16/06/2026 10:43

Thundertoast · 16/06/2026 09:26

Yes, men and women are different....thats not just biology though, is it!
We are all socialised to associate certain things with certain age/genders, some of it with not great origins.
For every woman whos marriage has lasted 30 years and is great, there's a woman who looks back and can see just how she was groomed.
For every woman who had a great fling and has fond memories and thinks she was totally in control, there's a woman who looks back and sees exactly why that man wasnt dating women his own age.
For every woman who thinks her maturity and independence is what attracted the older man, is a woman who recognises now that the maturity and independence is what made her such a good target.

If we think of it in terms of rape culture.
Men making little misogynistic jokes to make their friends laugh, contributes to rape culture. But they havnt raped anyone. But they dont make that joke in a vacuum.

Men 26 dating a 19 contributes to the culture where its normalised for men to date younger women, so 42 and 18, 21 and 14 etc. The 26 year old hasnt done anything wrong legally, but he also wasnt attracted to a 19 year old rather than a 26 year old in a vacuum.

I used to be on the fence until I realised that 99% of the time if you ask a woman who was 19 when she met her 26 year old husband if she would be happy with her 19 year old dating a 26 year old, they say 'well, thats different, I was mature for my age'
Every teenager thinks they are mature for their age. And sometimes these women say 'well i had a job and my own home, my 19 year old doesnt..' and this ignores the fact that you can have these things without emotional maturity, and that was very often the case 20 years for many reasons.
But in short, they are never really enthusiastic about their daughters doing the same and that speaks volumes...

I reiterate: I do not see anything inherently abusive in a 19-year-old woman dating a 26-year-old man.
If she were 16 and he 40 it would be very, very different.
Seven years difference at 19 and 26 age is not in itself a sign of coercive abusive behaviour on the part of the 26-year - old.

nam3c4ang3 · 16/06/2026 10:44

Youre taking the word of TikTok as some sort as 'rule' - are you 16 OP? there is a 13 year age gap between me and my husband, we have been married over 15 years, and have 2 children together - but i will let him you know its 'weird' and that 'anything more than 3 years is predatory, according to TikTok' - another parent i know in my kids school is 15 years older than her husband as well.

I also think, you - are weird as fuck - myob and let them be adults.

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 16/06/2026 10:53

I married my boyfriend who was 27 when I was 19. We’ve now been married eleven years, and if anyone holds the power in our relationship it’s definitely me.

Dollymylove · 16/06/2026 10:55

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/06/2026 09:19

You are obviously related to the 19 year old and have known them as a child. It's difficult for you to see them as an adult, particularly as an attractive adult. Another adult, meeting them for the first time, has got a very different impression.

I believe the 19 year old is the OPs son. I did post this further up but as far as I can see
, there has been no response.
If this is the case then I suspect the 19 year old is having some great sex with a slightly older person who has more experience, and would be utterly horrified if he found out his mother was discussing his private life on a chat forum 🤣

WestwardHo1 · 16/06/2026 10:57

My ex's daughter was 19 when she started going out with a 39 year old. They are married now and have a baby.

Don't think 26 and 19 is too odd, particularly in comparison to that.

Kadiofakit · 16/06/2026 10:59

My niece is 20 and is dating a 26 year old male, my brother and wife are fine with it and he is fine apparently, been to family hoildays and gatherings. I don't know it sort of feels a bit too much of a gap but I guess as long as they are happy. I haven't met him yet. My kids thought it was well weird ;-)

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