AIBU to think that all men are…

[Millie2008]

… really pretty useless?! Well not all men I’m sure.
But a lot of them.
I just feel like I’m seeing examples of useless men
every way I turn…
-weaponised incompetence
-childishness
-selfishness
-carelessness
the list goes on…

I feel like once you see it you can’t unsee it. Friends, family, personal experience, out in public, everywhere!

Happy to be proved wrong

I was just thinking, I’m not sure I can ever go back
to dating men. At my stage of life they will likely be divorced men. And all I’ll be thinking is what did you do to piss your ex off enough to want to leave you…

It’s very sad that a lot of women don’t want boys. If they are resenting the sex of their baby before they’re even born, It must affect the relationship with their son/s.

I have less patience since peri with those men who are crap at many aspects of being a decent adult human. Fortunately I'm insulted from some of the worst of it.

D'oh!

*insulated 😂

Perhaps their worlds aren't so binary as this suggests. Perhaps they have hope that they can create a home environment and, to a limited extent, an external environment, in which their boys are brought up which could make them less likely to exhibit misogynistic behaviour than the men of their own generation.

Maybe they point out people they think are good role models, and explain why, and maybe they also point out people they think are poor role models, and explain why. Perhaps they tell their sons they have agency and capacity and can choose how they use those abilities in their lives. Perhaps they see bringing up boys well as one of the single most powerful changes they themselves can bring to bear in the world.

A boy’s mother is typically he’s very first experience with love and attachment.

Perhaps some women need to do a better job at raising their sons (and daughters!!)

On MN the only litmus test of a man's moral character seems to be whether he pulls his weight at home and does the chores. I guess it's not surprising but it is blinkered.

I'm not defending any of your lazy husbands - my point is, if domestic selfishness is the type of bad behaviour you hate the most, then as heterosexual women you're only going to see it from men.

Of course there are many, many more ways for men and women to be selfish and awful than not doing the hoovering though. And perhaps this is my perspective as a child-free and slatternly woman speaking, but I simply don't consider being domestically slack as a moral failure. And there should be about 5000 feminist issues to prioritise before "the mental load".

Why is that?
It seems from your OP that you're not in a relationship with a man.

Whose mental an practical load are you carrying and why do you do that?

Being married is like going to "Build a bear", the woman has to try to create an acceptable human being from a collection of random bits and pieces.Tried it once, too much work for too little reward, never lived with a man again. Quite happy

Men could say the same about women!!! Men have to second guess what women actually mean and want. If the man doesn’t do it the way the woman wants, he is seen as incompetent!!! I can understand why more men are not bothering with relationships. A lot of women are HARD work!!!

Oh I absolutely agree with you! My mum didn’t take any of my dad’s nonsense, hence the divorce. He saw how badly he treated our mother and vowed never to be like that. He’s the best man and best human I know.

My mum raised him to be a good man. As I’m raising my sons to be. I don’t want my boys to grow up being the cause of any woman’s distress. I want them to be her peace not her problem.

That’s so lovely!! You and your mum sound wonderful.

Hahahahahaha

Keep telling yourself that if it make you feel better.

Truth hurts!!!

Nah. You’re just trotting out outdated stereotypes to justify poor behaviour.

There are women who can be considered ‘hard work’ as you put it as we’re not one homogenous group. But the old trope about men having to guess what women want etc is just utter nonsense.
As a fully functioning adult it shouldn’t be difficult to understand what you need to do to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally. If you are waiting for a woman to tell you how to do any of those things then you are the problem.

The problem isn’t most men not knowing how to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally, it’s that they don’t do it the way the women want it done!!!!

Perhaps mothers have done exactly this in the past, and have raised good honest sons who have evolved into good honest husbands, dads, grandads.

It's a mystery to me why so many women (on here) dont seem to have met any.

And I do think, if some of these women who hate and distrust the majority of men do have sons, the poor kids will be at a disadvantage from birth.

It's absolutely true.
Men are:

• Salivating, violent, priapic, lazy, impulsive, dishonest, exploitative, unrefined, misogynistic cruel, meat-headed sociopathic perverts

Women are:

• Selfless, caring, funny, intelligent, resourceful, considered, adaptive independent, holistic-thinking, collaborative model citizens

Rarely have I seen such a well-argued post, OP. I am grateful.

Don’t go back to dating men then, no-one cares except you I suspect 🤷‍♀️

I care. Don’t speak for everyone.

That's brilliant, and as a mum/nan to boys, I have done exactly the same.

By the same token, had I had daughters, I would have been the kind of strong mum my own mother was. Instilling in them self-worth, knowing what is right and wrong in relationships, in the hope that they would have grown into strong, independent women who had the capabilities to go through life with kindness and the common sense to know that there is good and bad everywhere.

You missed out

Men...Twats and Cunts.

Women...Saints.

Where is your evidence that this is the case for all women? Actual evidence not anecdotes from your own relationship.

You care that an internet random is so bigoted she thinks over 4 billion men are useless?

Strange but ok then.

I care about her lived experiences. Don’t shame women into not talking.

I'll shame anyone if they're showing themselves to be sexist, racist, ageist or disablist.

Ah, so the secret to a worthwhile relationship is to find a partner whom you reckon you will be able to control, mould and manipulate into whatever you desire them to be?

@NovemberMorn I strongly suspect a great many mothers, and fathers, have in past taken great care to instil in their offspring the types of values they'd like them to exhibit. I also suspect it's thanks to them (thankyou, MIL and FIL) that there are some fairly fine men and good role models around who live out those values.