AIBU to think that all men are…

[Millie2008]

… really pretty useless?! Well not all men I’m sure.
But a lot of them.
I just feel like I’m seeing examples of useless men
every way I turn…
-weaponised incompetence
-childishness
-selfishness
-carelessness
the list goes on…

I feel like once you see it you can’t unsee it. Friends, family, personal experience, out in public, everywhere!

Happy to be proved wrong

I was just thinking, I’m not sure I can ever go back
to dating men. At my stage of life they will likely be divorced men. And all I’ll be thinking is what did you do to piss your ex off enough to want to leave you…

For a start, there's a big difference between all and many....

As for discriminating on gender....I experience women showing the characteristics you describe on a regular basis too.

If as a society, we are seeing more laziness, selfishness, carelessness...yes agree 100%.

It doesnt say much for womwn who put up with bad men and breed with them

I think there are genuinely great men out there who are great partners and fathers (i.e. manage at the operational capacity of the average woman) but they are the minority. Hopefully the new generation of teenagers and kids coming up will be better, I have genuinely high hopes (provided they see Andrew Tate for the poisonous pathetic little rate he truly is).
I grew up a full blown Pick-Me-sha - living for the male gaze, blithely accepting the patriarchy and my place in a patriarchal society, desperate to be picked by men, assessing my worth by my attractiveness to men and ability to obtain and keep a male partner.
I was with ex-H for 9 years, married for 4 years before the scales fell off. I won't get into the details but he was bad enough that I left him when DD was 10 weeks old. But I take accountability that I was willing to settle for crumbs and ended up with scraps, all because I wanted to be "picked".
Now I'm dating someone 12 years younger than me. I will never remarry or live with a man again. DP is wonderful for emotional support, physical intimacy, nice dinners, couples holidays and the odd occasion I need a plus one. I don't rely on him in any sense of the word and I love the freedom that comes with that. If he's useless, it's such low stakes for me that I don't notice or care. And if and when he decides he wants marriage and kids of his own one day, he has my complete blessing to move on and find that with someone else.
I wouldn't opt out of dating entirely because old habits die hard and I enjoy male company too much. But I won't ever be in a position of relying on a man again, apart from my dad (one of the greats)

Great post with a lot of insight into not uncommon situations. It is truly amazing how much esteem men got for the lowest of standards in traditional patriarchal societies. I suppose you still see it now in societies where they still dominate.

Delighted you found your way out of that path and found a decent man. You deserved that.

On another male orientated website asking about women, I'm sure the comments would be the same.

Well that is all changing now @PollyBell and the men are complaining very loudly that women aren’t having children in the same numbers with them.

Most said they took after their father - who was a useless shit.

I haven't met a man who wasn't selfish or lazy. Even the ones who do jobs around the house tend to leave the cleaning up of tools and dirt to the woman, or gave the kids a bath but left if full of water and wet towels on the floor.

On a website which is predominantly but not exclusive to, women in the UK, the US, and Australasia I wonder if this male behaviour is unique to the UK, or the west.
Is life bliss for women married to men in other countries or continents?

Long time stay at homers, free money for kid-ult activities or general differing levels of expectations and standards?

Another day, another man hating thread. This is getting dull. Sorry you've had bad experiences OP. But you don't speak for all womankind.

OP is so raging about this she couldn't even be arsed to come back and respond to posts.

You are not in a relationship with your male friends and don't know what they are like behind closed doors.

This has just made me laugh. Are you determined that I can’t have a different view if experience ?

This is really provocative and insulting.
All the men I know are capable, hardworking and kind. Then again I don't hang around with arseholes. There are male and female arseholes by the way.

Thats the thing, most women who consider themselves decent would not associate with men like Tate. The same goes for decent men. They will avoid women they see as toxic like the plague. The men attracted to that toxicity will be comparably toxic.

The older I get the more I think this. Men are intrinsically selfish. The only time men are nice is when they think they’re going to get something out of it, usually sex.

I have to say, I know more good men than bad and I am single. Even my ex is now a better man than when we were together.

There are a few men in my office that I thank God I'm not attached to; and that's based purely on the shit that comes out of their mouths. That aside, most of the men I know are reasonable, well-adjusted and useful fellas.

My first husband was useless, he'd come straight from living with his mum who did everything for him to live with me, and guess what? I did everything for him because he'd do it badly if I asked (or as he'd put it - nagged) him to do it.

My current partner lived on his own for a good few years before I met him and I could see he kept a clean house and was very organised so since I moved in we take an equal share in all the jobs (except I cook more and he fixes stuff more coz that's what we're good at).

We as women are trained by society to keep our man happy and the expectations laid down in early days are hard to break. As it is a misogynous world we live in it's up to us to set expectations at the start of a relationship and hope that society evolves to make men and women more equal.

In my experience most people are fairly awful, men and women. I definitely don't think men are intrinsically worse than women. If I look back over my 50 years on this earth, I can honestly say that nice/nasty distribution for me has been equal across the sexes.

People often say on here that you only have to look at the threads about awful husbands and boyfriends to determine that men are terrible. But those people probably ought to consider all the threads about friends, mothers, MILs, SILs and DILs too. I honestly think that women are just as likely as men to be total cunts.

It’s clearly demonstrably wrong.

A man saved my life in hospital three years ago while, frankly, a load of female clinicians dithered about. He was decisive, highly skilled, and clearly not “useless”. He was called in and had it diagnosed and took action, when others left me in pain for hours unsure what to do.

Men do remarkable and amazing things every day, as do women.

Some of the biggest dicks I’ve met in my life have been women. Conversely some of the finest people I’ve ever met have been men.

Men and women aren’t homogenous masses who are all the same, and nobody is perfect.

TBF, my husband is a legend

But luckily for other women - even those who've never met him - he is a man, so they can safely denounce him as a shit person along with all the rest.

It's very reassuring to know that MN - with its majority-female user base - is no better than those toxic man-havens are. I do love it when everybody aims for the lowest common denominator.

It was a man that convinced me to get a pap smear it's because of him they found the cervical cancer before it killed me

And neither do you yet your assuming thier all evil when you don't know anything about them some of the biggest cunts I know are female

It makes as much sense to say "all men are useless" as it would be to say "all women are bitchy/ weak/ dirty/ useless" whatever expletive is used against us.

But if you are happy with making hateful generalisation, you are just missing out on the potential that the other half of the population offer, which is a bit weird.

I feel that men are inherently selfish and being all “me first” is a message that’s driven into them from childhood. Not all men obviously. Women are raised from a young age to be caring, nurturing to put family first etc. Which I don’t agree with either.

My DH is naturally selfish, but works hard not to be. He has to actively choose, whereas it comes more naturally to me. He won’t think to put anyone else’s clean clothes away, only his. He’ll not think to leave the kids favourite snacks alone so there’s enough for them etc. He’s not a bad husband or father, but has to work at it.

You see it with grandparents too. The boomer generation of women have had enough! They’ve literally raised kids whilst working, put themselves last and then now getting slated for not being willing to be full time childminders for their grandchildren, whilst grandfathers just get to crack on as they’ve always been able to do, no judgement. Yes, there are extremes in the ‘it’s my time now’ camp as there are also grandfathers who will happily help out with childcare. My Dad got to skip off after my parents divorce and start a new life, never putting any input of effort back into his children, whilst my mum held down a full time medical job, looked after her mother, two young teens and often had to help out with her ex husbands mother because he wouldn’t. But there was no judgement or expectations cast at him.

The younger generation of women in Gen Z are hyper aware at what men are like, so they’re ejecting it and them. Love it!

I don't think many men are entirely useless i think what comes first is they are selfish. Which then informs their uselessness so they can default to women in their lives.

Many men aren't useless at their jobs or hobbies.

My husband isn't useless but he knows I'd divorce him at the slightest whiff of weaponised incompetence. It's something that infuriates him about other men. He has integrity so it's not just about the consequences of losing me but his internal code of conduct. Many men don't even know such a thing exists, which is scary in many ways.

I didn't date anyone before him for very long once I saw how selfish they were.