AIBU to say no to a sleepover at age nine?

[ToastofLandon]

My daughter was invited to a sleepover party, they’re 9. My kid is a v young 9 year old. I said no, I don’t know the parents v well, there’s an older brother. They’re nice enough but I just don’t feel happy about doing it yet.

They just seem so vulnerable still at 9 but dunno if I’m being unreasonable and if my fears are unfounded. Interested in what others think and what age you started.

it's very tricky. Removing the phone will also make some parents anxious that their children cannot contact them if they want to, so it's not necessarily a good rule

Not all phones are smart phones...

It's your decision but many if not most children have sleepovers by age 9. So you will have to accept that she might feel left out.
Also I think it's concerning that you give her having brothers as one reason why you don't want her to go.
What does she feel about it and what age do you think it will be ok for her to have a sleepover?

And decent parents have a blanket ban on ALL phones at night.

No need to be rude - your kid your rules. But the most assertive 11 year old is unlikely to stand up to a 13 year old boy, esp the older brother of a friend. And I’d argue an 11 year old boy is far less of a risk, and easier to stand up to, than a 13 year old. I wonder how you’ll actually feel in two years.

And as I said, phones, even brick ones, should not be available overnight.

What a ridiculous thing to say. A phone that texts and calls is not a risk.

Totally your choice but your area must be very different to mine. Sleepovers tend to stop around that age here-they usually start when they go to primary, but no one tends to do them by high school-too uncool once they get past 10. Or is it that parents don't want all the problems that would come with older ones-they are usually easier to deal with up to 9!

I really wasn’t keen on sleepovers and really didn’t encourage them
My son wasn’t interested and my Dd only had them with friends of the family until she was at high school

I think it’s more that I don’t know him or any friends that may be there. She’s quite a young 9 year old compared to some of her peers.

I spoke to her initially about it this morning and she said she didn’t think she was ready yet. Then after school when her best friend said she was sleeping over, then she was upset about it.

This for me too.

Mine all went to sleepovers before 9. Friends from school. As did I.

if you think an 11 year old is safe from predators, you are incredibly naive to say the least.

It's an odd mix to be so paranoid and anxious but completely oblivious at the same time!

We’ve been having them since 7. They are all with people we know very well though.

No. Don't feel pressured. I wouldn't.

YANBU. 9 is too young imo.
but it seems to always be 50/50 on here re sleepovers

Not my experience where I live.

I used to work in safeguarding. It was a rare coworker who allowed sleepovers/play dates at an early age without parents. I certainly didn’t. Kids came to us frequently but mine didn’t stay over. Knowing parents at the school gate is meaningless from a risk assessment viewpoint.

Explaining your reasoning is one thing, being rude is another

hopefully not taking from her mother then.

You can't be that anxious if you believe an 11yo is "mature" enough to protect herself from unwanted male attention?

This must be a wind-up, no one can be that clueless.

Thanks all really appreciate the input, had no idea it was a real polarising topic. Will reevaluate as she matures.

You're not over protective. You're safeguarding. I'd be exactly the same.

Never fucking said that. We’re talking about sleepover readiness, not anything else. Stop trying to derail the conversation.

I know! But if I have three kids for a sleepover, 2 of them come with smart phones and one with a brick phone - I’m not going to be letting one have their phone and not the other two. ALL of them stay in the kitchen overnight.