AIBU to expect quieter after-school time for my only child?

[Enjoyingmyicecream]

I'm a proud mum of one and count myself very lucky to have my DS. I'd have loved a bigger family but due to significant primary and then secondary infertility we'll be a one child family. I have largely made peace with this, and I am in the fortunate position to work school hours from home and being able to spend lots of quality time with him. Here's the thing- my son is constantly seeking adventure (he's 7) and wants entertainment and other kids to play with (which really doesn't help my feelings of guilt about "not giving him a sibling", which I know I can't do anything about anyways) after school. We do have lots of play dates and fun things to including Beavers and swimming, but I also just want to stay home and play there. If relevant, DS is also suspected to have mild ADHD.

I have an older sibling but didn't have much interaction with them when I was a child, I loved to just hang around the house after school. AIBU to think that my child can't always expect me to provide tons of entertainment after school and that gardening together etc is also a valid form of spending after school time?

Any chance of an egg chair or similar. A lot of children well people enjoy the calm swaying of it.

I used to watch TV for a good hour or more when I came home from school. I wouldn't overthink it, OP.

Not everyone lives somewhere this is possible.
We lived somewhere that it was possible, but the kids were fucking horrible and it was more trouble than it was worth having our DC playing out.

Plus I think 7 is too young IMO. 9 or 10 is much better.

It's interesting what you say about being criticised about things when you have 2 children as well. Swings and roundabouts I presume! I guess women just can't ever not get criticised!
I absolutely love the idea of the treasure hunt! I'll actually try this this afternoon!

He's just turned 7 a couple of months ago, are you suggesting letting him play in the streets by himself? I live in a lovely village but round here no-one does that until they're at least 9!

Thank you, completely agree, I'm not a helicopter parent but 7 is definitely too young

My DS had high energy and absolutely hated being at home. He wanted to be out all the time, so he was. Obviously it depends on where you live. We lived in a big housing development but it's worth saying when we were able to move our number 1 criteria was a place where he could continue this lifestyle even if it wasn't our ideal spot. He would be out for hours and hours playing with whoever was about, when it got dark early in winter he would come in, grab a high vis vest and off he went again. Keeping him occupied indoors would have been hell, I think if we didn't live there I would have sent him to afterschool clubs every day. He's not an only, we had a big gap so he was an only child for a while. Other DC happily chill out at home for down time and are completely different.

Can he go to after school club sometimes?

Can you invite a friend for a play date.
I mean this kindly but children who get a lot of one on one attention grow to expect it from other kids and adults which isn’t always forthcoming.
Give him schedule for days where he can go somewhere fun/invite a friend versus relaxing afternoons.

Thank you but ass I've said multiple times above, he has lots and lots of playdates already. I'm looking for some down time suggestions.

If he's asking for playdates then you should facilitate them.

Talking about the fact you had a sibling and they don't is totally irrelevant. They don't know what having a sibling is like and don't need or miss it.

But they do need friends. Surely half the time they'll be at someone else's house so you can just relax alone. Then you sometimes host his little pals. And of course you'll still have time just the two of you.

Not all children want to potter at home quietly with their mum. I think I did sometimes but I'm a girl. And I still had playdates whenever I wanted them.

I think you need some balance. Especially if he has ADHD, he may need 20+ minutes of intense physical activity after school. He has been fairly stationary and needs to burn off some of that energy.

I could see this in my ASD child sometimes. She would have days she was just buzzing. Then other days where what she needed was absolute quiet so I just had to be flexible. Some days I found myself at the park even if I really didn’t want to be there. Other days we went home for cuddles, even if I had other plans.

But at 7, and after being cooped up at school all day, he won't want downtime - he needs to get out and exercise and burn off all that pent up energy, not sit quietly at home with mum.

Thank you all for your suggestions. As people keep suggesting play dates and I've already said a hundred times now that he already has loads, I'm going to leave it at that before anyone else suggests it 😅

Lots of people have been super helpful so thanks for that!

Look at it from his point of view. He's 7, naturally playful and he's been stuck in class all day. Of course he wants to run about.

I found the best answer was either a very long walk home from school, or I sent my ds to ASC where he raced round screaming with his little tribe of friends from 3.15 to 5.45, so by the time I picked him up, he was ready to slow down a little.

Thank you but again, he's incredibly sociable and as I've said up thread, I provide lots of playdates and he has loads of friends. It's not that i don't facilitate playdates. I was looking for some ideas on what to do at home with him

At that age my children were similar to puppies - they needed to run/bounce/climb off all their energy before they could settle to a quieter activity. I changed my work hours to finish at 3pm for a few years so that I could accommodate this.
They are sitting and listening a lot at school (probably more than is developmentally appropriate for a 7 year old) so they really do need to make noise, mess around, and have lots of energetic play after school. Other children provide an extra layer to this - raucous play today adults just can't do.
My mum always said she preferred a house full of children as we'd entertain ourselves better when friends were round, and tired ourselves out more! I didn't, but I did find going to the playground everyday a necessity!

This is so helpful. You're so right about having to be flexible!

But he doesn't want down time. You do.

I get it, I honestly do. One of mine needed a quiet hour of decompression after school to self regulate. The best thing we could do for him was let him read or watch a bit of telly with a low volume.

The other two got all their energy from being social. They absolutely hated after-school at home unless we had friends over or a plan for fun. True extroverts, they got all their energy from socialising.

I could distract them with a mutual project, like building great big bug hotels at the bottom of the garden,for short periods of time.

But mostly what worked best was walking to the playground. Eldest will chill out with a book, the other two would run around to their hearts content.

We went to the park every night after school. In the summer I would take their dinner in a thermos.

We go to the park lots already but that's actually a really great idea!

Oh that's an interesting suggestion! Thank you - I can imagine he'd actually like that

What about buying a tuff tray (Google it. But then go to Woodies or somewhere similar and buy a much cheaper version. A tray for mixing cement). He could build little 'small worlds' for himself. Throw a pile of sand on it and add dinosaurs. Crushed up rice crispies and add diggers, scoops etc. Build a lego village on it. So many ideas online. Just Google 'tuff tray ideas'. I use one daily in my autism classroom but they're a super resource for every child. Fantastic at building imaginative skills etc.
Your child gets lots of play dates and various activities. He has to learn how to entertain himself whether he likes it or not. Only children often feel they need others to constantly entertain them but it really will do him the world of good to learn how to enjoy his own company every so often. And it is something that doesn't come naturally to some children. I had one of each type. With 1 dd, I had to gradually stretch out the interaction time as I was exhausted constantly being needed to be present to provide the entertainment. So I'd gradually increase the time. Eg "I have something to do. Do this jigsaw/lego and I'll be back in 5 minutes to have a look and give you a hand" and literally stretch the time out. It will stand to him.

OP have you cancelled the cheque thought about play dates?!

😂

Team sports might the way forward for him. Football, cricket, rugby etc something we’re it’s a smaller group all together at the same time every week and then they competing in matches and leagues brings a sense of camaraderie, it would also give him something to focus on on other days, my kids are always in the garden practising skills etc so they are improving.