AIBU to expect quieter after-school time for my only child?

[Enjoyingmyicecream]

I'm a proud mum of one and count myself very lucky to have my DS. I'd have loved a bigger family but due to significant primary and then secondary infertility we'll be a one child family. I have largely made peace with this, and I am in the fortunate position to work school hours from home and being able to spend lots of quality time with him. Here's the thing- my son is constantly seeking adventure (he's 7) and wants entertainment and other kids to play with (which really doesn't help my feelings of guilt about "not giving him a sibling", which I know I can't do anything about anyways) after school. We do have lots of play dates and fun things to including Beavers and swimming, but I also just want to stay home and play there. If relevant, DS is also suspected to have mild ADHD.

I have an older sibling but didn't have much interaction with them when I was a child, I loved to just hang around the house after school. AIBU to think that my child can't always expect me to provide tons of entertainment after school and that gardening together etc is also a valid form of spending after school time?

Kids usually want to play with other kids.

gardening with mum is usually pretty low down on the priority list whether only child or not.

Put him in ASC ?

It is if he likes gardening. If not, get the paints out to just sit and be creative together. Or bake biscuits. Put on a film. Or make slime - all kids love this. He doesn’t need to always be out of the house.

He needs to learn to entertain himself, it’s a good skill to have,m. I wouldn’t make the, imo mistake, of providing entertainment 24/7.

Also what is mild adhd

Or playdates, or hobby type clubs, sports clubs. He sounds like he has a higher energy level than you maybe? That's fine and fair enough. Maybe a couple of days a week could be quieter, and a couple really give him a chance to burn off the energy?

My kids enjoy pottering at home. DD stopped most clubs to give her more time at home. I do have 2 kids, which probably makes sone difference, but they tend to play alone after school, or DS(7) likes to play with me. I guess it comes down to personality.

I think it’s healthy for kids to have some downtime and not to be entertained all the time. He’ll have been with kids in school all day.

@Enjoyingmyicecream if you have space put up a large trampoline for him to use whilst you do the gardening.

Already got a trampoline and he loves it but thank you!

Only children or those with a large age gap often need to be more entertained as they don’t have someone else suitable to bat that energy off so you become that person who they talk 100mph at and always want attention from.

A long bike ride after school? Trampoline? Play dates.

Stop expecting your child to meet your needs.

That's true, I do wonder if I'm projecting my own insecurities here a bit!

Then you just potter doing what you would like to do in the garden and leave him to it.

Occasionally spray him with the hose pipe whilst he’s bouncing. Fun had, job done!

yanbu to expect him to entertain himself
yabi to expect him to be you at the same age

Excuse me what? I'm asking how to best meet my childs needs, I'm putting him above everything else and asking how to best entertain him at home! We already spend at least 3 afternoons on playdates/ swimming/ beavers etc!
Please read my post properly before commenting

We do lots of playdates already and go to swimming, trampolining etc loads.

If he already does clubs and stuff 3 days a week and has the trampoline then honestly for the 2 other days have a peace days. No harm in it.

Thank you! I'm glad to hear you think this is reasonable.

Oh come off it. Let’s not insist kids who have been booted out of school and kids who find school a bit tricky to focus but do ok are in the same boat. My son is the latter, and unmedicated so far. His friend is only in school because they medicated, they were about to get kicked out because of how often the teacher and other kids were evacuated from the classroom while he threw chairs and things. I am never going to say we have the same challenges to handle.

The trampoline is great, a swing and a basketball hoop would also be good op, and let him go nuts on them. I’d really encourage reading as if they get into that it’s your peace, but also have blocks for building and animals etc for imaginative play inside, and drawing things. Let him just spend time, you do quite a bit. They need to expend lots of energy but also downtime.

@Enjoyingmyicecream he's not you. He's obviously wanting to socialise and burn off energy, especially if he's having to sit quietly in school, which can be hard with ADHD. Sitting quietly, or doing quiet gentle activities after school is stressing for him. How about playdates with other energetic boys?

He’s 7. Why isn’t he playing out after school?

Thank you all very much to those who made really good suggestions!

Several others have said play dates, when I have clearly said in my opening posts that we do lots of them already, as well as Beavers, swimming etc. We already do lots. My question was about what to do for downtime at home.

Some only children seem to be better at managing themselves independently, so please drop the mum guilt-it's so sad that if we have 2, we're constantly criticised about treating them equally, yet some people criticise mums who have one!
There was some article about how it's good to let kids be bored. But you could let him set up some games/treasure hunts etc to play with you (and other family members if that's relevant) later in the evening? Or decorate a den area in your garden (just scraps of wall paper etc and basic craft stuff would do).

YANBU - I think we beat ourselves up way too much for not entertaining our kids 24/7 nowadays. In the 90s we'd have gone into the garden and squashed flower petals to make perfume.

Tell him to bugger off and entertain himself whilst you have a cup of tea 🤣 its not going to harm him! Do you live in a location where hes able to play outside with the neighbours when hes 9/10 years old?