Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

Pleased to see people agree with me !

You're 'no longer a spring chicken'?!

Crikey. Just because you had a child in your teens doesn't mean you're not still extremely young now.

If you think a 25 year old is getting on a bit how do you think people in their 60s feel?

OP, the average age for a woman having her first child hasn’t been 25 or below since the 70’s!!

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/populationestimates/articles/milestonesjourneyingthroughmodernlife/2024-04-08

Yes. Mum had me aged 30. I was her third child. Dad was also 30. They lived in rented accommodation. He worked but she did not. Not until later.

The average age of first child hasn't been lower than 23 since these records started in 1938:
https://www.statista.com/statistics/294594/mother-average-age-at-childbirth-england-and-wales-by-child-number/

I’m a real person thanks. I was just talking with my mum whose friends all had kids by my age. And as I say I’m 25 and barely anyone my age has had kids (did say I’m not judging and I’m not) this is an actual thing as many current 25 year olds will tell you

Because children are expensive?
Women want to progress in their careers?
Women want financial stability before having children?

I still don't understand your point re. Phones. You think people aren't having children in their 20s because they can't meet someone to have them with. Whereas we are pretty unanimously saying that even those with long-term partners generally don't want to have a child before they're 30.

People are waiting later. Your early motherhood means unlike those delaying you’ll get your time back in late 30s onwards. Fair play to them but I know some who delayed until 45! I was late 20s and couldn’t imagine being in mid 40s given peri and tiredness.

It’s not the answer to the question being posed.

A mix of things: it's expensive, people seem far more scared of the world today then they were in the past. Also, having kids is a choice now. Before it was just what you did. I don't know about phones, but I do find not just kid use, but adult use, of smartphones, doom scrolling etc terrifying. Glued to a screen. Is that what life will be for kids of the future? It already is. Who wants to bring up a dysfunctional robot with no social skills? Just a thought

Years ago they didn’t have the Pill.

Yeah I've never met a woman of my generation or any of the generations above it who had a child in their early 20s.

Most people have careers and need to find a suitable partner.

More people going to university rather than starting work at 16/18.
The phones could play a big part in a couple of ways. People getting out to meet other and start organic relationships less often. I met my DH before social media. Past relationships and the one with him were based on real chemistry and connection that I don't think could be replicated online.
People seeing or at least thinking there's more out there for them through SM posts.
Cost of living crisis.
The negatives of parenthood discussed more openly putting people off.

I can totally relate to this post. The memories and experiences I had from building a solid career and also taking a year off to travel the world whilst ‘free’ in my 20s got me through the life-changing event of having children.

@Quietterry OP, ladies are just more aware that there is so much more to life than just having kids, so they enjoy their freedom before committing their life to raising children. The average age for women to have children is now 29.9. I think this is a perfect age!

It’s been around since the sixties!

You have a great outlook, exactly what I hope foe my kids.

Well we have a great experiment coming up to prove the hypothesis. Social media will be banned for under 16s, so if phones are what's stopping people we'll see the birth rate change in a couple of years!

as someone who's childfree and finds birth rates interesting it's a mix of things. like everything now it's a polycrisis of multiple factors and while phones are the focus of that paper that came out this week there's tons of literature out there about the other causes. the state of straight relationships, cost of living, economic crisis meaning that people are less sympathetic to young mums who might need help from the government. also more education on health inequalities and what being pregnant is actually like, "the girl with the list" etc

unfortunately a lot of birth rate decline chat online these days ends with people - men for the most part - deciding that women's specific concerns about parenting and pregnancy and motherhood are silly concerns and they should get with the program. also lots of racially charged discourse about immigration. Never mind that we know when people emigrate, within a generation they are more likely to adjust their planned number of children to match the culture of the place they've moved to anyway.

I personally just don't fancy it and have a lot of mental health problems so think I'm doing the right thing but the discourse now is that apparently people like me hate children. never mind my husband doesn't want them either!

I think we do have to rethink the whole thing because ultimately I think people just dont want them and dont think they would be good at it. It's a huge commitment particularly if you're the one who gives birth and it's really not compensated and the problems it causes seem to be habitually unaddressed by medical professionals

Can you please answer this as it’s been asked a few times?

Noone wanted to have loads of kids in a tiny house sharing one room though. That happened because contraception either wasn't around or was a bit crap.

Plus, there was no NHS back in the olden days. If you wanted a decent old age then you needed to make sure you had a few kids around to look after you. And child mortality meant it was a good idea to have a few spares around just in case.

These days, you don't need children in order to ensure you get looked after in old age. And there's a lot fewer accidents happening (side eyes DD who turned up despite 2 forms on contraception)

As a result, most people aren't having kids until they're ready for kids. And noones got any money, so people are ready for kids later and later in life.

Who wants to be knee-deep in nappies when they could be enjoying their youth?

And most women don't want to have a baby without financial stability, a home of their own and a husband. Having children while single and very young is more likely than anything else to trap you in poverty for life.

I don't think anyone's avoiding raising kids so they can spend more time looking at their phones. I mean, you see an awful lot of people doing both at the same time.

You realise that your mum's circle is not representative of the population as a whole, right? Her friends were likely her friends because they had shared life experiences and the many people of 25 back then that didn't have children, she wasn't hanging out with.

In the same way that your circle is not representative of your entire generation. I have cousins your age and younger, with children. I have friends in their 40s just having their first.

or maybe.. older parents had all the child-free years they wanted and are happy to calm down and concentrate on the kids, instead of forever wishing the time when "they get their life back" which younger parents seem often obsessed with.

Kids still have cousins, friends, and parents establish in a career, so can have more time around the kids, and also a house that younger parents (even their own parents) could never have afforded years earlier.

It's great to have young grand-parents, but when they still have a full time job, they are not that available for free childcare are they?

When I see how much my mum relies on her mum (60s and 80s) for advice and emotional support in general,
that's your mum, that's not true for most of us 😂

t makes me realise the role of a mother never really ends.that's true, and exactly the reason why your life will never be completely your own once you have kids, even when they are adult and independent.

worried themselves sick about ‘what about when I’m not here and they have nobody’.the only parent I know who are worried sick have severely disabled children and, rightly, are petrified of leaving them. They are not "older parents" though.

Sorry I was relating to even before then….