Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

DH and I didn't want to be parents in our early twenties. We got married at 26 and started TTC at that point, but it was five years before we actually had a child in our arms. Sorry we weren't quick enough for you 🙄

Does it matter?
I was 28 when I had my first child, still ended up a single parent and on benefits.

25 is still very young. I had my first at 25 and looking back that was young for me to have my first, and that was nearly 30 years ago. Looking back as much as I live my first I wish I'd waited untill I was around 30.

21 is still 4 years younger than 25 and only half of people go to university. Again I’m not judging people’s life choices just observing a big difference in life now vs 20-30 years ago

Yes, the government that's been in for 2/3 years is the reason today's 25 year olds aren't already parents....

For me it was a few things really.

I was on the fence for a long time. As a first-generation grad, I worked incredibly hard to build my career, so it wasn’t something I was willing to put on the back burner lightly. I’d also read a lot about motherhood and the whole “default parent” thing and I knew that realistically my career would be the thing taking a hit, not my partner’s. It took me a long time to get to a point where I felt okay making that trade off.

Covid was a factor too. I basically lost 3 years of my early 30s to that. Looking back, I probably would have started earlier but during those years the world felt so uncertain and I was pretty anxious about everything. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s part of the reason a lot of people in my age group ended up having kids later.

Also, didn’t meet the right man until my late 20s and we wanted to buy a house and stuff before trying and that took a lot longer than we imagined due to the renting trap. The boyfriends I had in my early/mid 20s were total shits and I can’t imagine trying to parent with any of them! I’m sure there are exceptions but where I grew up most of the blokes seemed to take a long time to grow up. Finding someone I could actually picture raising a child with was the most inportant part of it.

To your overall point though, I do sometimes wish I’d had them slightly earlier. I think my body would probably have coped better, and if I’d started a bit younger I might even have had more children. But there’s absolutely no way I’d have wanted kids in my twenties personally. I wasn’t ready, and I definitely wasn’t with the right guy.

Just wanted to say how much this sentiment has really cheered me up today! Thank you.

To be blunt @Quietterry i had better things to do in my teens and early 20s than have children....i lived my life selfishly doing what I wanted, when I wanted, saved up some pennies for maternity leave, bought a house and then had my children when I was done living my own life and could focus more on theirs. I had my first at 29 and second at 34. Now they are a bit older we do lots of things together

It’s education and strategic career planning.

I’m in my 50s. The people my age that I know the best all have well educated, professional parents. None of them have parents who had them before age 25. This isn’t a new phenomenon, it is just becoming more widespread as more women realize they have to establish careers before children.

Financial independence is a necessity in our society. It is also the best protection against abuse. Money doesn’t make you immune to abuse, but a person with the ability to support themselves and their children independently can leave after the first incident.

This isn’t about cell phones, it is women recognizing they need to be smart.

I didn’t say it’s a disadvantage I said it has disadvantages (as well as advantages).

Of course it’s nice for people to go travelling and have 20 years of me time before having kids but the kids ultimately pay the price for that. They will have older parents who are more likely to need care earlier, and not be able to help out with grandchildren. When I see how much my mum relies on her mum (60s and 80s) for advice and emotional support in general, it makes me realise the role of a mother never really ends.

And fewer siblings - most of the 40+ first time parents I know could only have 1 child, then worried themselves sick about ‘what about when I’m not here and they have nobody’.

Older parents are more likely to have children with autism, and there has been a big rise in autism as parents have got older.

I really enjoyed growing up in a big family with lots of cousins and siblings. I feel a bit sad for kids that won’t really have that and instead the benefits are mostly financial, which are still important.

my eldest is 26 and in no way ready for the massive lifelong commitment of motherhood.

You still haven't answered the question about who financed this? I've got a pretty good guess though!

Because people need time to build relationships, start their life…stop being dumb.

My mum had all 3 of us by the time she was 32. I’m 36 and have 1.

She had my sister at 21, me at 25, my brother at 32.

I’ll tell you what she didn’t have…

• A husband she actually liked. They got divorced immediately after my brother was born.
• A home of her own, we had a council house and a mortgage/owned property would have been a pipe dream.
• A stable job, or any money. She was 32, worked 20hrs a week, and had no husband to support her. Skint.
• A life. We were her life, and she’s got one again of her own again now she’s older.
• Any experience outside of our doorstep. She hadn’t left the country until we went away for her 50th.

Some young girls and women now want to live a little, get a qualification or two, build a career, get married, get on the property ladder - whatever.

We have more that we want to “get done” so we’re either ready for children, or ready for the huge sacrifices they can bring.

But that’s not true. When you were born the average age to become a mother was 28 and older for a father.

Very few people had kids at 16 or even early 20s

Are you seriously suggesting that people aren't having children because they're on their phones for 8 hours a day?

What about work? Finances? Education? Travel?

I can think of many, many reasons not to have children by 25 in 2026 - especially as a woman could could potentially be left raising them alone - but a phone isn't one of them. Utterly bonkers.

Before Tony Blair and everyone goes to university half of people did not go to it.
They left school at 16 and usually into work, apprenticeships etc. Some might have gone into college for training of some sort. But you were launched into the world of employment far sooner.

Don’t be silly, you know this isn’t a personal attack.

I had my first when pregnant at 19, had baby when 20.
My eldest is 18 and I've asked them to not even consider having any kids yet. The world just seems to be horrific lately and I want to be able to give everything I can, to giving my kids the best start in life. I don't want them to ever have to struggle like I had.
I adore kids, absolutely would love being a grandparent. I'd be a brilliant grandma. But I'm very much not disappointed that none of mine want to be parents any time soon!
I still haven't recovered from raising, guiding and worrying about my own, let alone the next generation! 🤣

My Mum had me aged 29 in 1974, she was considered 'old' to be having her first child. Mum said when she was in hospital having me, there were women on the ward of a similar age, having their 3rd baby!

I had my son aged 35 (3 weeks short of my 36th birthday) in 2010. Nowadays having a first baby in your 30's isn't uncommon or considered abnormal.

It's all swings and roundabouts. People married much earlier years ago. My Mum was 22, when she got married, whereas I was 33.

You’ve got it wrong though. Factually. You’re stating things that just weren’t true! 😂😂

So essentially this thread is nonsense.

Hmmm. Pregnant at 16, wondering why those darn women aren’t having children as teens and early 20-somethings, and claiming that 25 is old/“not a spring chicken.”

Definitely not suspicious incel talking points at all.

And they didn’t decades ago?

I don’t really understand this to be honest. I had mine over 30 years ago, aged 29 for the first and 34 for the last. Hadn’t met the right person until then and was having a lot of fun as a single girl in London.
What have phones got to do with it ? I find it a bit sad and quite strange that your experience is that everyone is on their phones and not meeting people. One thing I love is that my daughters are still
close friends with people as far back as nursery - because of phones ! They make it much easier to keep in touch with friends, and through them make new friends.
Over the generations women have so many more choices which affect the decision to have children I think. Access to reliable contraception. The expectation that we too can have good careers and are not expected to stay at home and produce children. Unless we want to. So much has changed in just a few generations, my mum is 93 and a highly intelligent women but in her era the majority of women stayed at home and had a family. She used to say that she felt like an in-between generation- her mum had help in the home, she didn’t have this as it became less common, but neither did she have automatic washing machines, dishwashers etc to make life easier for her. Monday was wash day, it took all day, washing all over the kitchen when I came home from school. Tuesday was ironing day. Woman today have many more labour saving devices than previous generations, although I accept that life has become more complicated in many other ways.
I really don’t think you can blame mobile phones. And I don’t particularly like them !

but thats a scenario that only exists in your head anyway. I have a 16 year old. They go to school, have a part time job, play sports and play music.
They use their phone to video chat to their friends or stream music, which Im totally fine with. They hang out with friends and family and go to the movies.
Most 16 year olds arent spending 8 hours a day on their phone.