Why does barely anyone my age have kids?

[Quietterry]

I’m 25 and had my first young so she’s 9 now and yes I was very young having her but I’m no longer a spring chicken and looking at my cohort who went to school with me out of 200+ people I can count on one hand who’s had kids.

Im not judging them for it I’m just curious on what changed when my mother was my age practically everyone she knew had kids by 25!

I know there’s different theories on this and they probably all have some merit but I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones. I heard recently some people spend 8 hours a day on their phones.

LOL, exactly. Take them off the internet and they don't have anything else to do but shag each other. Crazy

25 is just too young to be having kids for most people. People want to live a little, to build up their careers, their financial stability, to find a good life partner and to set up a home before they have children.

25 not a spring chicken 😂When I was 25, I was working abroad - weeknights were for drinking cocktails on rooftops, and weekends were for travelling to new places. I was very much a spring chicken!

Even my friends who were Christians and married straight out of uni didn't have kids by the time they were 25 - in fact, they spent that year living and working in Australia. They didn't have kids until they were around 27/28.

Boomers were the first ones with the Pill. But look at how many siblings most of them have - usually 2 or 3, not a dozen. Boomers' parents (and even a significant number of their grandparents) had reasonably easy access to barrier methods, and grew up in the age of Marie Stopes' campaigns for better understanding of sex, fertility and contraception. Abortion was decriminalised and available on the NHS for the Boomer generation.

What utter nonsense. I had mine at 32 and she’s 28. I’m probably younger than your mother though. Gosh, the assumptions you are making, and the very weird linking to phone usage, makes me think lateral thinking may not be your strong suit.

Um, you know before the contraceptive pill was common women had babies up until menopause, right? People used to have more kids, and over a wider range. My grandmother had kids into her 40s. As did I. Neither of us bought eggs, and statistically its not uncommon at all (without IVF)

Its not because she had them young, its because it was an obvious bait post aimed at older parents. 'Im not judging' - the fact that she mentioned that, means she is in fact judging. i dont think the threads gone the way she expected though.

People, especially women, have so many more opportunities open to them now than they did 40-50 years ago. Why would you want a child in your teens or 20s when you could be city-hopping on cheap Ryanair flights?

I met DH at 23 (got my first smartphone at 18 and hate buses). Our firstborn arrived 15 years later. We travelled the world, established successful careers and became financially solid in between. Having children in our 20s would’ve put paid to that. Pretty standard amongst our friends.

So what I’m saying is that Michael O’Leary is the reason so many people don’t have children in their 20s.

Because 25 is still young and a lot of women want to have fun in their twenties and build wealth and careers to support themselves and their children?

I have no idea how your mum is OP, but I’m 47 and nobody I knew had kids under 25. It was REALLY looked down on to have kids in your teens (not saying that was ok, but the late 90s was peak “demonise teen mums” period with politicians and the media).

I remember one of my friends had a baby aged 27, and we all thought she was crazy tying herself down with a baby when the rest of us were all in partying and travelling mode (even those of us with mortgages and partners). Most of us ended up having kids between 30-35.

Better sex education and availability of contraception. Teenage pregnancy has gone down significantly - this is a good thing. I wonder if previous benefit caps for up to 2 children made a difference. Women more likely to be in higher education and have careers now. I'm sure it depends on socio-economic class too. All of my friends were early 30s with first kids. All married, in established careers with mortgages etc. Primary school parents a similar age too. People probably also more reassured by chances of successful pregnancies later in life. I would not want my own children having children before mid 20s at the earliest

25 is definitely still a spring chicken! You’re only a few years out of your teens! 🤣

Yes it's true that teenage pregnancies have declined since the invention of the internet so thats a good thing.

Since the pill actually. Best invention ever in the 20th Century.

I'm 71.

Yes, definitely not new. Both my grandmothers were born around the same time as your mother. One had her first child at 28 and the other at 33.

OP, you wouldn’t happen to be the same goady poster who started the “why do women leave it until they are way too old and desiccated to have kids and then need IVF, and by the way when I say “too old” I mean over 25” thread?

There are a lot of similarities if not.

Yes i am a parent (early 30s when I became one) but there ia more to life than children and living very small lives where the most exciting thing people do os go the supermarket or have a week or 2 sat on sun lounge

There is a whole world out there

At 25 I was 3 years out of university making £21k a year in central London. Most people were renting rooms in share houses, half were single, none married. The majority of 25 year olds don’t have the money, space or maturity to be a parent yet even if they have met their life partner.

You are very much a spring chicken in the peak of your fertility at 25.

It’s also a class thing - most doctors, lawyers, accountants etc have only been qualified for a year or two at that age.

It’s happening in similar economies all over the world. A lot of couples prioritise forming a stable household before kids. These days it’s nearly impossible to do this. The cost of housing combined with student loan debt and the cost of childcare (and general living) is pushing the idea of a family out of reach for many. And if you can’t afford a family you might as well throw your efforts into career, travel, socialising etc.

Are you still with your child’s father btw OP?

Most young women of my acquaintance spend their early 20s attending college and/or building their career. They're making sure that they have a decent financial foundation before having their family.

I’m leaning towards thinking it’s phones.
😂 This really made me laugh.

It's not just your peers (the ones on their phones). The average age for first time mums in the UK is 31.

Firstly, you're 25. You are a 'spring chicken'.

Secondly, most people i know spent their twenties having fun! Studying something they loved at uni, and then travelling the world, going to music festivals and parties, etc.

Babies can come later but there is nothing that can compare to that fun, wild, freedom of youth.

I had my first before 20 and second at 30.

I used to wonder why I could barely find mums my age, mainly because I was always the youngest at the school run and I think a majority of the mums thought I was too young. So struggled to socialise.

Now that I’m in my 30s with my baby, and have a teen, I get all sorts of comments about being “the right age to have a baby now” and I meet more mums my age - but I realised just because someone is a mum too, it doesn’t mean we have much in common.

Although I didn’t see a lot of my friends when I was in My 20s, now that we are in our 30s we are close again as I have more freedom, but also they come to me for tips and advice now that they are thinking of having a family.

I have pretty much the same lifestyle as my friends, house, car etc.

What I wanted to say is that I have amazing memories of my 20s too despite having a child young. I hate when people say “ah I have great memories because I didn’t have a child in my 20s - poor you for being stuck with a baby”.

I travelled in my 20s, worked, climbed the ladder, socialised - had spare income. But also did so much with my DD, sometimes we go down memory lane together and I’m glad I can say that I have her a happy childhood despite being a young mum. I know people who became addicts, have had failed relationships in their 20s. - so being a teen mum isn’t an automatic fail in life - having a baby young maybe isn’t ideal to many, but it does work out for a lot of us who are driven.

I also want to add that in my 30s I’m also meeting mums that have teens like me, and what I realised is that as a young mum you tend to isolate yourself abit. It’s so much easier to feel a type of shame that almost makes you hyper focus on your own life? I might be projecting. I don’t know if that is good or bad? But now as an adult ”older mum” I have so much heart for young mums. And most of us are done with kids and can focus on our careers and where we want to be.

And I love having a teen at 30- I’m still abit young enough to actually understand her. I’m strict but we come across as sisters sometimes. So not all doom and gloom.

I admit - trends have meant that it’s better to wait, but I have a strong feeling that the age will drop - of we can get through all of these crisis. I say this because so many people say they wish they started earlier and I’m seeing more people advising younger women to not waste their “prime fertility years” - controversial but I’m a believer in do what is best for your own life.

In my family it's got a decade later in just one generation. I think the main reason is that everyone ( or most, in my family) have got a degree. This was not the norm for the working class a generation ago. We did 1 or 2 years college and got a job. ( we got a degree later as it became the norm, often paid for by our employer). So they're in education longer.
The 2nd reason is housing is more expensive, even renting. ( not that I want them to go back to the crappy flats with vermin problems, dodgy electrics and water running down the walls).
Better birth control. A jab you don't have to remember to take is far superior to a pill you take every day.
No pressure. Nobody is asking for grandchildren these days. We want kids/ young adults to travel and have fun.
Longer life expectancy. When I was a child people died younger. 70 was 'a good innings'. If people are living longer, there's no rush to have children.
Equality laws will have made young women more able to choose when they have children. No doctor asks are you married before prescribing birth control. Yes that happened to me ( gen x).
And the Internet. This young generation has access to a lot of information I didn't.
I think there are lots of reasons people have children later than they used to.

Are you the same OP who often posts about women having children later in life and how everyone was judgemental towards you having a baby at 16?